MOH being taken advantage of?

anna1141

Hi y'all, A good friend of mine asked me to be her maid of honor in her wedding in 2016. Just to give some back story- we've known each other for about 6 years, we see each other MAYBE once a year and she has 4 other sisters. I accepted the MOH position, knowing what it entails. I' was a MOH years ago for my best friend, and did everything by the book. When this offer came along, i was a little confused as to why me. Now that I've accepted, the bride is asking me to drive two hours to her house, drive her to all appointments, and shoots down every suggestion I offer. We have very different tastes, and I recognize that this is her day not mine- it would just be nice if she wasn't such a bitch saying "ew- why that idea", when she doesn't like what I suggest. Being that I live so far away, and have very little money to spend on this wedding, I feel like I'm being taken advantage of. Now she wants me to plan the entire shower and bachelorette party on my own with no help from her family. Which means she wants me to fund it all. At this point, I honestly don't even want to have any part of the wedding planning at this point, and I feel strongly that this wedding will eventually destroy our friendship. The things she is asking of me is ridiculous for someone who lives so far away. Example: driving to her house 2 hours away- pick her up to drive another hour for an appointment- then drop her off and drive home. Is this bridezilla, or am i overreacting? I just wish I could just decline the honor and just go as a guest.

Simply Fated

She's being a Bridezilla and you should not be taken advantage of.

There is still time to back out. Call her up. "Bride, unfortuanately I will no longer be able to be your Maid of Honor. I would love to attend as a guest, instead. Thank you for understanding!" Then change the subject.
Do not offer her a reason. If she pushes for a reason, you can either be honest (money, time spent, etc) or be vague (I'm just not able to).

Good luck!

KatWAG

anna1141 said:

Hi y'all, A good friend of mine asked me to be her maid of honor in her wedding in 2016. Just to give some back story- we've known each other for about 6 years, we see each other MAYBE once a year and she has 4 other sisters. I accepted the MOH position, knowing what it entails. I' was a MOH years ago for my best friend, and did everything by the book. When this offer came along, i was a little confused as to why me. Now that I've accepted, the bride is asking me to drive two hours to her house, drive her to all appointments, and shoots down every suggestion I offer. We have very different tastes, and I recognize that this is her day not mine- it would just be nice if she wasn't such a bitch saying "ew- why that idea", when she doesn't like what I suggest. Being that I live so far away, and have very little money to spend on this wedding, I feel like I'm being taken advantage of. Now she wants me to plan the entire shower and bachelorette party on my own with no help from her family. Which means she wants me to fund it all. At this point, I honestly don't even want to have any part of the wedding planning at this point, and I feel strongly that this wedding will eventually destroy our friendship. The things she is asking of me is ridiculous for someone who lives so far away. Example: driving to her house 2 hours away- pick her up to drive another hour for an appointment- then drop her off and drive home. Is this bridezilla, or am i overreacting? I just wish I could just decline the honor and just go as a guest.

If you dont want to be her errand- bitch then just say no.

If you dont want to throw her shower or bach party, then dont offer. If she asks, say you like to attend but cant afford to host them

manateehugger

Yes, she's a crazy bridezilla trying to take advantage of you. She's insane. Girlfriend has two years, she doesn't need to be bothering you with ANYTHING right now. 

If you choose to stay as MOH, start being busy so that you can't make these appointments, stop offering ideas so she can turn you down and feel superior, and start saying things are out of your budget when it's more than you want to spend. 

If you choose to drop out (which I don't blame you), just say that you're going to have to decline the honor. She might end the friendship, so be ready for that, but honestly, it doesn't sound like you'll be missing out on much. 

 She's got time to "replace" you, which I'm sure this kind of girl will do.  

OliveOilsMom

Ditto PP.  Hop off this crazy train now before it goes out of control!

Maggie0829

Um, she is getting married in 2016.  How much shit is she really doing right now?!  She needs to get a grip and you need to politely rescind your answer to her "will you be my MOH" question.

Jen4948

If you continue as her MOH (which is not required), set boundaries: "Friend, I can do A, B, and C, but not X, Y, or Z.  If this is what you want, someone else will have to do it.  This is a closed subject."

And if she's not okay with that, drop out of her wedding.

sassyfrass2014

As another 2016 bride... I have no idea what the hell she's asking you to do right now, and I would 100% advise jumping off this crazy train. Just say that it's too much of a commitment for your right now, and you'd be honored enough to be a guest at her wedding. (Phrasing like that may work on a chick like this...)

MadHops21

2016 here. I haven't even asked people for WP yet. This girl is BSC to make you her chauffeur. 

anna1141

Thank you ladies! This is definitely not going to be an easy task! Thankfully we have some time.

climbingsingle

Seriously, I'd step down from being her MOH. 

[Deleted User]

With that much time to go, I can only imagine how crazy it will get as the wedding gets closer. With this much time to go is there an option of just getting together with her (even though it would mean a two hour trip) and tell her that when you accepted the honore of being MOH you didn't realize how much time she would want you to be there and for so many thing and that you just don't have the finances to fund all these visits to go the different vendor meetings with her and that you feel that she might be better picking someone more local as her MOH? Yes, you are risking your friendship, but is your friendship close enough to endure all the stress, time & money it will take to be her MOH?

delujm0

It sounds to me like she asked you to be MOH instead of her sisters because she thought you could afford to throw her shower and b-party and be her chauffer and her sisters couldn't.

 

get out now.  For a 2016 wedding?  Are you kidding me?  WTF could she possibly be doing right now????  This isn't going to get better.  it's going to get worse. cut your losses.

abbyj700

Ummm...what is she doing now for a 2016 wedding? My wedding is like 6 months away and my girls are itching at me for some sort of meeting to discuss the wedding...and I keep thinking "you guys really don't have much to do but okay." 

Seriously...2016.... :-/

kkitkat79

delujm0 said:

It sounds to me like she asked you to be MOH instead of her sisters because she thought you could afford to throw her shower and b-party and be her chauffer and her sisters couldn't.

 

get out now.  For a 2016 wedding?  Are you kidding me?  WTF could she possibly be doing right now????  This isn't going to get better.  it's going to get worse. cut your losses.

Or that she knew that her sister wouldn't (even if they can afford it) and you would. It sucks to think that a friend would do this to you, but she is taking advantage of you. Are you usually pretty easy going and are always willing to help?

anna1141

This is SO true! I didn't even think of this! Yes, her sisters are a little younger - We're in our mid 20's. It really does feel like she asked me instead of her sisters because she thinks I am more financially stable than them - when right now- I'm not! 

I am always the friend people ask for help or advice- I am very laid back and don't ever say no. It all makes sense now!

sophhabobopha

As another 2016 bride, just what is she even DOING this early? Sheesh.

Bubblegum5586

I never understand when brides want the WP to drive them to appointments?! How come you can't drive yourself? If you really want a friend with you and they can come that is great, but drive them! They are taking time out of their day to help you plan!!!