Destination Weddings

Vent - "Did you make the cut?"

FI and I are having a small DW, with immediate family and close friends (around 40 people). We have yet to send out our STDs, but have told a couple close friends that we really want to be there to STD. We will be having a AHR, which will basically be an open house. So the strangest thing happened....FI received 3 different phone calls from friends (none of which have ever made the discussion of being invited) asking if they were invited to our wedding. One person actually said "what the hell is up with me hearing you aren't inviting all of us to your wedding" and then said they were told that I was not "allowing" FI to invite all of his friends (obviously is no true). Come to find out FIs BFs wife said to a bunch of people in their circle of friends "did you make the cut, did you make the cut?". And then apparently told them we weren't inviting anyone because I was not allowing FI to.

To make a long story short, FI spoke with his BF regarding this and told him we were both upset and I spoke with the wife and told her how terrible I felt that people were flat out being told they were not inviting to our wedding when we haven't even finalized a guest list and how terrible I feel that she or anyone could think or has now been convinced to think I would not allow FI to invite his friends to the wedding. She did apologize (which is slightly shocking considering her personality) and then said her husband (FI BF) is concerned because he doesn't know who to invite to FI bachelor party since not all their friends are inviting to the wedding.

Now I am more paranoid about hurting people's feelings about whether or not they are invited to the actual wedding, but at the same time I don't want to lose what we wanted from this wedding and this is for it to be small and intimate with those that we are closest to. We thought we were eliminating any of this by having our AHR open house. Have any of you experienced people being genuinely upset about not receiving a DW invite and refusing to participate in pre-wedding events, like showers, bachelor/bachelorette parties?

 

Re: Vent - "Did you make the cut?"

  • JennyColadaJennyColada Awesometown, CA
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    What's an AHR open house? If someone wants to be a baby about "why didn't you invite so-and-so" then that's their choice to make, and isn't a reflection on you.
  • We are inviting around 26 friends, these are our closest friends we see on a day to day basis so hopefully we will not have any problems with friends who are not being invited. unfortunately because we wanted to keep it smaller as well I am not inviting friends I went to college with that I only see once or twice a year or any of my co-workers, nor is my FI. If you are not very close they should understand you are trying to keep it small and intimate, as well as sticking to a budget. However, I am not inviting my friends that are not invited to my wedding to my shower or bachelorette party. I think it would be rude to expect participation and gifts from people who are not invited to my actual wedding. Good luck!
  •      AHR is At Home Reception. It's where you have a larger party with friends who are back home that weren't invited to the actual destination or Out of Town wedding. They are technically not rude if done right (no wedding re-creation or trappings of a wedding), but a several people here don't approve of them. 

        We have a wedding package that only allows 20 including the bride and groom. So far anyone who asks we just say the resort is limiting us to 20 and I haven't had any push back yet. Had we done a larger local wedding it would have been more of a problem as we really would have to decide who to cut and who to invite and there may have been hurt feelings, this way we can say 'immediate family only' and everyone seems to understand. 
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