How many people did you REALLY invite?

AlexaF2014

We have our venue for the reception, which I booked before forming a guest list in hopes that a small venue would reign in my mother's need to invite everyone (it didn't). Needless to say, we're a bit over capacity, but with an out-of-town wedding for 90% of the guests, I'm feeling pretty confident of a >10% decline rate. There was a thread steering brides toward only inviting the number of guests that you can afford and the venue can fit, but we all have sins... a second cousin that's a courtesy invite, the roommate from college that's too busy with grad school; they need to be invited, even if they put you over (especially when mom is inviting more of her friends than the bride's!). 

So, how many people did you REALLY invite? And, do you include yourself/WP in the headcount (weird question; my venue said the room capacity is 70, but the seating layout showed 7 rounds of ten plus a table for the wedding party B&G. Anyone else see that?)?

manateehugger

Wait, wait, wait - you invited over capacity of your venue space? Do you have a contingency plan if these courtesy invites do randomly show? Have you checked in with your venue? And YES, you include yourself in the headcount unless you aren't planning on eating or sitting in the room (fire codes and all that). We invited 175 and are hoping for 150. Our budget can hold 175 and our venue can hold 200.

theartistformerlyknownas

My venue capacity is 300. We initially budgeted for 250. We have 248 adults and 17 kids (who are obviously far less expensive than adults) on our list. That includes our "maybe" list (invites haven't gone out yet; no b-listing) and our courtesy invites. My dad had 100% attendance at his wedding so I'd never invite more than capacity and we won't add any adults at this point unless we take someone else off.

melbenso

150. Which is what we can afford to host properly. Our venue holds up to 160.

While there usually are some declines, some people do get 100% acceptance. DO NOT invite more people than your venue can hold. It is often a fire code violation to have more than the room's capacity and you will have to turn people away at the door if more than capacity decide to come (which is beyond rude).

Further, there isn't much courtesy in a "courtesy invite." How is "I'm only inviting you because I feel I have to and I think you won't come" polite?

AlexaF2014

Not invited yet, still 9 months out. Not even STD time yet. We're having our venue at the downtown public library; they only rent one event per night, so if we DO go over, we can transfer to a larger room for a fee. I don't WANT to, I like the room we have, but if we have to, we have to. 

Just thinking of "do I REALLY have to cut 6 people?" I REFUSE to "b-list" anyone, because that is rude as all get out. Every person I'm inviting I want there... it's the people only my mom wants that's pushing the list up. FMIL has a tiny list, bless her heart, and I'm not going to ask her to cut any of the handful she wants to invite.

APDSS22

I invited people that I actually wanted at the wedding, well under our venue's capacity.  We ended up around 180 with a venue that can hold 200 comfortably.  You have to include yourself, your wedding party, your vendors and anyone else who might be in the room for capacity because it's usually based on fire code, which doesn't ignore you if you're in the wedding party.  They probably used that example because you might not fill up the whole 10 capacity for the table and they don't know how large or small your wedding party will be.  If the tables aren't full and it's only the wedding couple at the head table, that could come in under 70 people.  Unless you've already sent out save the dates, invites or verbal invites to all of these guests, the list isn't final and you still have the option to cut down the list.

What's really the problem here is you gave your mom too much control of the guest list if you're letting her over-invite and invite more friends than you and your future spouse.  If these people haven't been confirmed by an official save the date, invite or verbal invite from you or your future spouse, you need to give your mom a number that she can invite so you're not over-capacity.  If she's paying, she gets more of a say but if she's taken over the guest list past capacity of the venue and inviting more people than you she's overstepping her boundaries.  You need to be straight with her about how many she can invite and if she pushes, you might turn down her money (if she's paying) so that only you and your future spouse have control of the guest list.

If these people have been confirmed with an invite from you, your future spouse (or your mom if she's paying) you need to explore finding another venue or maybe moving into an additional room at the venue you have to expand how much capacity you can have (within what you can afford).  If all else fails, you have to explore the option to be unspeakably rude to your guests and uninvite some of them so you come in under capacity.

312Emily

We are inviting 131, so with us that's 133.  We budgeted for 125, and the additional 8 people are friends my mom tacked on after we got quotes and were settled on budget, and she's agreed to pay for them separately if 8 of her family and OTHER friends do not drop (there are at least 4 preemptive declines so far from her friends).  So everyone is accounted for in the budget, whether it's out of the budget or my mom's pocket. 

And our venue can hold 150 for a seated dinner, 250 for a cocktail reception.

Why are you chancing not being able to afford to host your guests or having to turn people away?

HisGirlFriday13

We invited 152, counting me and DH.

Our venue could hold 350. Our budget could have accommodated 200.

We planned for 100% attendance, but had 99 people RSVP yes.

My brother and SIL had almost 100 percent attendance at their wedding (4 people out of 225 didn't come). I would never have guessed that when they did their guest list, but they did.

Planning for anything less than 100 percent, in terms of both budget and space, is playing with fire.

melbenso

Is your mother paying for any/all of the wedding? If not, I would tell her that she can invite a total of X people (that will not put you over capacity for the room you want). If she is, I would tell her that the number of people she wants to invite may mean you have to move to a more expensive room which a.) you don't want to do and b.) you want to make sure she is willing to pay for if you have to. I would also confirm with the venue when you would have to let them know you were changing rooms by and make sure that is workable for your invite schedule, if you aren't willing to just change to the larger room now.

jalyndani

Venue capacity: 140

Total invited: 95, included 14 "courtesy" invites

Budget capacity: 75

Number actually desired: closer to 65

Panic level: 7.5/10

Invitations went out yesterday, and today I've already gotten "yes" RSVPs via Facebook (official RSVPs are en route too!) from two couples. The mail in Texas is QUICK, y'all. 

We invited substantially more than we should have thanks to those courtesy invites, but those lines were hard to draw and as the saying goes around here, they weren't hills I was willing to die on. FMIL had a set group of friends she wanted to invite, my mom had certain extended family members she insisted on inviting despite knowing they aren't able to travel from out of state... However, we already had 5 individuals (2 couples and 1/2 of a couple) tell us that they can't make it after receiving the STD but we sent them invitations anyway, of course. 

The guest list is the absolute hardest part of wedding planning. It was the cause of numerous arguments and hurt feelings in my family, even though I was the one trying to keep numbers down to fit my parents' budget and my mom was the one that insisted on adding more people. Eeesh. If I had to do it over again, we'd have eloped with just our parents, our sisters, and my grandma. So over it and I'm glad we're less than 60 days away.  

SammiNJonni

Our venue capacity is 200 we are (currently) looking at a guest list of 115 (fingers crossed FMIL has added everyone she wants) and we can afford to host them all.

LDay2014

We invited 24, so 26 including us. 

How did we keep it small?  Because we didn't do the 'obligatory courtesy invites'.  We wanted it small, we only invited people we wanted there.  If someone can't come, guess what?  Okay...thats just less seats for us to have.  There's no way in hell I'd be back filling.

APDSS22

AlexaF2014 said:

Not invited yet, still 9 months out. Not even STD time yet. We're having our venue at the downtown public library; they only rent one event per night, so if we DO go over, we can transfer to a larger room for a fee. I don't WANT to, I like the room we have, but if we have to, we have to. 

Just thinking of "do I REALLY have to cut 6 people?" I REFUSE to "b-list" anyone, because that is rude as all get out. Every person I'm inviting I want there... it's the people only my mom wants that's pushing the list up. FMIL has a tiny list, bless her heart, and I'm not going to ask her to cut any of the handful she wants to invite.

If your mom's not paying, you need to have her cut her list so you're not over capacity or you need to set aside enough money to upgrade the room.
ETA: If you have invited anyone who is single, make sure you have room in case they get into a relationship. Also make sure you have included everyone and their significant other (partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance/fiancee/wife/husband).

SmileDamnit

We will be inviting 30 (including us), and 30 will be attending. Invites haven't gone out yet, but it's all family and we know definitively that all are "yeses". We aren't doing courtesy invites. Our venue is a backyard on the lake, which can apparently handle 200 people according to the estate's home owner, whose daughter is getting married there the following weekend in a faaaaar grander wedding than ours. 

AlexaF2014

It keeps getting brought up; my mother offered, after we booked the venue, to pay for the catering/drinks/rentals, which would honestly double what we're spending on a one-day event. Kinda why I gave her a lot of leeway, but when I realized I was cutting out some of my close friends to fit around her guest list, the temptation of "but they won't alllll show... you can invite the people yoooooou want.... it's yooooooooour day" kept whispering in my ear... She could afford to "bump up" to a larger space, but again I really don't want to do that to fit 6 more people I don't want into a space I like less. Does that make me a control freak?

AlexaF2014

APDSS22 said:

AlexaF2014 said:

Not invited yet, still 9 months out. Not even STD time yet. We're having our venue at the downtown public library; they only rent one event per night, so if we DO go over, we can transfer to a larger room for a fee. I don't WANT to, I like the room we have, but if we have to, we have to. 

Just thinking of "do I REALLY have to cut 6 people?" I REFUSE to "b-list" anyone, because that is rude as all get out. Every person I'm inviting I want there... it's the people only my mom wants that's pushing the list up. FMIL has a tiny list, bless her heart, and I'm not going to ask her to cut any of the handful she wants to invite.

If your mom's not paying, you need to have her cut her list so you're not over capacity or you need to set aside enough money to upgrade the room.
ETA: If you have invited anyone who is single, make sure you have room in case they get into a relationship. Also make sure you have included everyone and their significant other (partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance/fiancee/wife/husband).

Done and Done. I couldn't lurk the etiquette as much as I have and commit THAT faux pas. Also a temptation because "but they might still be siiiiingle" (the temptation voice in my head sounds a bit like the snake from "The Jungle Book" movie)

monkeysip

We invited 85, while our venue could only hold 80 *with a dance floor*

If all 85 had said yes, we would've just made the dance floor smaller.  I would never recommend inviting over your absolute capacity.

Only 57 people RSVP'd yes, and one no-showed, so 56 guests total  We saved a lot of money.

QueerFemme

AlexaF2014 said:

We have our venue for the reception, which I booked before forming a guest list in hopes that a small venue would reign in my mother's need to invite everyone (it didn't). Needless to say, we're a bit over capacity, but with an out-of-town wedding for 90% of the guests, I'm feeling pretty confident of a >10% decline rate. There was a thread steering brides toward only inviting the number of guests that you can afford and the venue can fit, but we all have sins... a second cousin that's a courtesy invite, the roommate from college that's too busy with grad school; they need to be invited, even if they put you over (especially when mom is inviting more of her friends than the bride's!). 

So, how many people did you REALLY invite? And, do you include yourself/WP in the headcount (weird question; my venue said the room capacity is 70, but the seating layout showed 7 rounds of ten plus a table for the wedding party B&G. Anyone else see that?)?

You have to include yourself, and your wedding party in the venue capacity.  Most rounds only seat 8, not 10.   You should also check with the venue to make sure they have seating or a place for your vendors to sit and eat. 

I REALLY invited 120 people, I actually had about 130 guests, because some people got into relationships after invites went out and/or brought dates.  I was SHOCKED at some of the people that showed up.  I was sure most of my out of town guests wouldn't come and then started getting emails and texts saying "just booked our flights!  Can't wait to see you". 

You should start looking for a backup venue.

ETA: Sorry, I just noticed that invites haven't gone out yet.  Yeah, don't invite even one more person than you can accomodate. 

APDSS22

AlexaF2014 said:

APDSS22 said:

AlexaF2014 said:

Not invited yet, still 9 months out. Not even STD time yet. We're having our venue at the downtown public library; they only rent one event per night, so if we DO go over, we can transfer to a larger room for a fee. I don't WANT to, I like the room we have, but if we have to, we have to. 

Just thinking of "do I REALLY have to cut 6 people?" I REFUSE to "b-list" anyone, because that is rude as all get out. Every person I'm inviting I want there... it's the people only my mom wants that's pushing the list up. FMIL has a tiny list, bless her heart, and I'm not going to ask her to cut any of the handful she wants to invite.

If your mom's not paying, you need to have her cut her list so you're not over capacity or you need to set aside enough money to upgrade the room.
ETA: If you have invited anyone who is single, make sure you have room in case they get into a relationship. Also make sure you have included everyone and their significant other (partner/boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance/fiancee/wife/husband).

Done and Done. I couldn't lurk the etiquette as much as I have and commit THAT faux pas. Also a temptation because "but they might still be siiiiingle" (the temptation voice in my head sounds a bit like the snake from "The Jungle Book" movie)

I know the snake voice is strong and hypnotizing but remember these are people you actually like and want to think well of you.  Even if your 6 decline, no one got into a relationship and you're exactly at capacity, usually being at the full capacity of a room is not terribly comfy. 

I love it when posters lurk first.

sarahonlife

We're inviting 22 people and a baby.  The venue holds 30, so with us added that left space for each of our siblings (four total) to bring a date if they so choose and for the two photographers.

SammiNJonni

sarahonlife said:

We're inviting 22 people and a baby.  The venue holds 30, so with us added that left space for each of our siblings (four total) to bring a date if they so choose and for the two photographers.

If that 30 is their max for fire code the baby counts as a person and you are over capacity.

Couggal12

We are inviting 115 , and our venue can hold up to 150. With us, it will be 117. If you include our caterer, photographer, DOC, etc. we will still be way under capacity.  

PrincessOfHavoc

Including us, 60/61. Friends will have an under 3 months old infant, we'll have a chair for the carrier or just all the baby stuff but he's not really counted. Room can hold 75 if set up right. Ours is set for 60 guests.

How many will attend - 60 or 61. My sister may be on a rant and not attend.

HisGirlFriday13

sarahonlife said:

We're inviting 22 people and a baby.  The venue holds 30, so with us added that left space for each of our siblings (four total) to bring a date if they so choose and for the two photographers.

Wait, is my math wrong here?

Your venue holds 30. You invited 22. Subtract 22 from 30 and that gives you 8 places.

Add in you and FI (2), 4 siblings (that's 6) and their dates (that's 10), and your 2 photographers (that's 12), and a baby (that's 13).

Subtract 13 from 8 and you get negative five, which puts you five people over capacity.

Viczaesar

HisGirlFriday13 said:

We're inviting 22 people and a baby.  The venue holds 30, so with us added that left space for each of our siblings (four total) to bring a date if they so choose and for the two photographers.

Wait, is my math wrong here? Your venue holds 30. You invited 22. Subtract 22 from 30 and that gives you 8 places. Add in you and FI (2), 4 siblings (that's 6) and their dates (that's 10), and your 2 photographers (that's 12), and a baby (that's 13). Subtract 13 from 8 and you get negative five, which puts you five people over capacity.

She never said the siblings weren't included in the 22. 

HisGirlFriday13

Viczaesar said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

sarahonlife said:

We're inviting 22 people and a baby.  The venue holds 30, so with us added that left space for each of our siblings (four total) to bring a date if they so choose and for the two photographers.

Wait, is my math wrong here?

Your venue holds 30. You invited 22. Subtract 22 from 30 and that gives you 8 places.

Add in you and FI (2), 4 siblings (that's 6) and their dates (that's 10), and your 2 photographers (that's 12), and a baby (that's 13).

Subtract 13 from 8 and you get negative five, which puts you five people over capacity.

She never said the siblings weren't included in the 22. 


Gah, thanks! Clearly it's too late for my math skills.

sarahonlife

Viczaesar said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

We're inviting 22 people and a baby.  The venue holds 30, so with us added that left space for each of our siblings (four total) to bring a date if they so choose and for the two photographers.

Wait, is my math wrong here? Your venue holds 30. You invited 22. Subtract 22 from 30 and that gives you 8 places. Add in you and FI (2), 4 siblings (that's 6) and their dates (that's 10), and your 2 photographers (that's 12), and a baby (that's 13). Subtract 13 from 8 and you get negative five, which puts you five people over capacity.

She never said the siblings weren't included in the 22. 

Siblings are so very much included in the 22 people we invited! Fire code is actually 40, "comfortable" is 30.  And all four siblings have so far declined a date (which was what we expected, I don't think any of them have dated someone in the last five years) but they still have the option!

sarahonlife

SammiNJonni said:

sarahonlife said:

We're inviting 22 people and a baby.  The venue holds 30, so with us added that left space for each of our siblings (four total) to bring a date if they so choose and for the two photographers.

If that 30 is their max for fire code the baby counts as a person and you are over capacity.

Luckily it is not their fire code capacity, just their comfortable seating capacity.  And it's looking like we're just going to have 19 people plus the baby anyway.

lyndausvi

Your question is funny.   How many people did you REALLY invite?  Like there were people we didn't really invite?

We invited 174 people (100% OOT).  I can't remember the venue capacity other than we were under that amount. 

We budgeted for everyone we invited.   I don't really get the concept of budgeting for less than you invite.  Seems too stressful to hope for declines. IDK, seems strange to me.

We had 145 say yes.  

LadyMillil

Venue capacity - 200

Invited - 115

Expected to RSVP No - 15 family members from Europe who have never visited 

Budget capacity - 110, but willing to make cuts in other areas to host all 115 properly

Actual number of guests - 77

The family from Europe wasn't expected to attend, and they didn't. A close friend also has family in Europe and they all came for her wedding. Don't count on being OOT or out of country/continent to be an automatic no. You never know who will decide that now is the perfect time to schedule a trip to visit a new place and attend your wedding.

SP29

We REALLY invited 112 people, which included our vendors (1 DJ and 2 photographers) as they needed meals, as well as our officiant and his wife, and the WP. Plus DH and I. 

The room capacity was 120 people. 

Including vendors, we had 72 people RSVP, 1 adult and 1 child no-show, plus DH and I (so 72 total).

I would NOT over invite. You never know who will RSVP yes. And, even if you are at or just under the room capacity, I find that venues will give you a total number they can hold, but that number makes seating quite "cozy" (aka. cramped!). We didn't want tables placed on the dance floor, which was an option with the venue and what they would have had to have done if we had more guests/ tables (those tables would be moved after for the dance- which I don't like). So we had the WP+ dates at a "head table" up front and then 8 guest tables and I felt that was just right. If we did have everyone come, I think the room would have felt cramped.