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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Weird Situation - Do I send this invite?

rawralirawrali member
10 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary
edited April 2014 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
All of our invitations have gone out and we are waiting on RSVPs at this time. We invited some of FH's coworkers, most of whom we do not expect to come (wedding is in our hometown rather than where we live now). There is one coworker who we thought might come during the early days of wedding planning, as he also has some ties to our hometown. He always acted really excited about the wedding - joking that he would pay FH $100 if he could be his best man. When we told him we already had a best man, he said he might settle for being the officiant. Mostly joking, but he did it often enough that we figured he would likely attend the wedding. 

Unfortunately, back in January, he had a massive health emergency and has been in the hospital ever since. He has had multiple open heart surgeries, and was just moved to a rehab hospital for ongoing care/rehabilitation. His wife has a baby at home who is about a year old. We had decided not to send an invitation to them as we knew they could not come and we didn't want to add to the wife's many stresses. Now I am regretting our decision. I was thinking about sending the invitation with a little note indicating that we are thinking about them and hoping that all is well and sorry that we cannot share our day with them. But I don't want it to seem tacky, as it will be obvious that is a late invitation as the RSVP deadline is fast approaching. I was thinking about sending a card expressing our feelings instead of the actual invite --- better idea? We have already obviously sent a get well card and have been texting saying we are thinking about them, hoping he gets better, etc., but I want him to know that we're thinking about him since he wanted to be a part of our day.

Re: Weird Situation - Do I send this invite?

  • What is your budget like? Can you afford to have seats and food for them not knowing if they will attend or not?  If it were me, I would send them a card and a small care package (because I love to make care packages) and in the card indicate that you have reserved seats for them at the wedding; if they can make it, great! if not, you completely understand and hopefully you can get together soon. This way there is no stress for them about RSVPing, worrying about the kid, getting there, etc.  They know that they are welcome if they can make it, and there will be no hard feelings if not.
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  • We could definitely afford that but there is pretty much a 0% chance of them coming based on his current condition. Even if the wedding was in town and they didn't have to travel, I still don't think he could be out of the hospital (he had a big relapse recently due to an infection). I fear that if I said that  we had reserved seats for them it would make them feel like they had to contact me to tell me they won't make it.
  • You should send the invite ASAP. Invites aren't always about who you KNOW can or cannot attend. They are about letting people know that you would love to share your day with them. I would attach a note, but instead of saying you know they won't be able to make, just say that you'll understand if they can't come, but you just wanted to let them know that whether physically there or not, you will be celebrating with them in spirit.
  • I have been in the same situation with my grandparents. Grandma has cancer again and granddad's Alzheimer's is so bad that he doesn't remember me anymore. I am sending them an invitation anyway, because I love them.

    It's not about whether they can come or not---that is their choice. But you can choose to show that you want them there by inviting them.
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  • I would still send the invitation. They will know you are thinking of them and would love their presence at your wedding--that sentiment alone will probably mean a lot. They know they have the option to decline if they cannot attend.
  • Inkdancer said:

    I have been in the same situation with my grandparents. Grandma has cancer again and granddad's Alzheimer's is so bad that he doesn't remember me anymore. I am sending them an invitation anyway, because I love them.

    It's not about whether they can come or not---that is their choice. But you can choose to show that you want them there by inviting them.

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  • Definitely send the invitation. He seemed so happy to want to be there with you. And the note would be a very nice personal touch. Trust me, they would really appreciate to be thought of. 
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  • Who knows, maybe the wife will want a bit of a break for one evening and enjoy eating and dancing with friends.

    Definitely send the invitation. But also send a card/ care package separately that lets them know you are thinking about them.
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