Pre-wedding Parties

Engagement Party - Attendance

ch021410ch021410 member
First Comment
edited April 2014 in Pre-wedding Parties
I recently sent out invitations for our engagement party and most of the responses we received back are that people cannot attend. Out of all the people we have invited, half cannot attend due to prior obligations. Should we cancel the shower if only a few people can attend and reschedule? 

Thanks, 
Worried Bride

Re: Engagement Party - Attendance

  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I recently sent out invitations for our engagement party and most of the responses we received back are that people cannot attend. Out of all the people we have invited, half cannot attend due to prior obligations. Should we cancel the shower if only a few people can attend or reschedule? 

    Thanks, 
    Worried Bride
    So. I would say no. People having plans is a part of life. This is just an engagement party, it's not that big of a deal. 

    Also, I'm assuming it was just a slip, but it is just an engagement party right, cause a shower is an entirely different thing, and you should still not cancel it. (You also shouldn't throw your own engagement party or shower, but that is probably not relevant if you're getting RSVP's at the moment)
    image



    Anniversary
    doeydo
  • We have family and friends that live all over the country and currently moved to a new city 1 year ago. We are hosting our own little engagement party/shower because we have made really good friends with people who cannot attend the shower being throw by family/friends in a different city. We wanted to include them in the wedding process.  

    As this party is mostly for our friends, we might just reschedule to accommodate for their schedules.  
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    We have family and friends that live all over the country and currently moved to a new city 1 year ago. We are hosting our own little engagement party/shower because we have made really good friends with people who cannot attend the shower being throw by family/friends in a different city. We wanted to include them in the wedding process.  

    As this party is mostly for our friends, we might just reschedule to accommodate for their schedules.  
    This is super inappropriate.  Inviting people to a party to celebrate yourself is Attention Whore-ish, and inviting people to a party to celebrate you that requires gifts (aka a shower) is both AWish and rude.



    Blue_Birddoeydoei34
  • How is this inappropriate? We didn't ask for them to bring gifts nor are we registered anywhere. We are hosting this party BECAUSE our friends wanted us to have one and we didn't feel it was right to ask them to attend a destination engagement party and wedding.

    I wasn't asking for whether hosting your own engagement party is appropriate, I was asking about attendance and if rescheduling is best for your guests.

    Nor, do I think it's appropriate to tell someone they are rude without not knowing all of the facts.

    Thanks!
    hicoco
  • Blue_BirdBlue_Bird Bawlmer member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    ch021410 said:
    How is this inappropriate? We didn't ask for them to bring gifts nor are we registered anywhere. We are hosting this party BECAUSE our friends wanted us to have one and we didn't feel it was right to ask them to attend a destination engagement party and wedding. I wasn't asking for whether hosting your own engagement party is appropriate, I was asking about attendance and if rescheduling is best for your guests. Nor, do I think it's appropriate to tell someone they are rude without not knowing all of the facts. Thanks!
    Due to your additional details, I'd say,yes, cancel it. Do not reschedule.
    doeydoei34
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    ch021410 said:
    How is this inappropriate? We didn't ask for them to bring gifts nor are we registered anywhere. We are hosting this party BECAUSE our friends wanted us to have one and we didn't feel it was right to ask them to attend a destination engagement party and wedding. I wasn't asking for whether hosting your own engagement party is appropriate, I was asking about attendance and if rescheduling is best for your guests. Nor, do I think it's appropriate to tell someone they are rude without not knowing all of the facts. Thanks!
    And yet you got that information anyway.  You're welcome!  There are no additional facts that would make it okay for you to host your own engagement party or shower.



    doeydo
  • ch021410 said:
     We didn't ask for them to bring gifts
    The point of a shower is to bring gifts so if there are no gifts, how is it a shower?
    doeydo
  • Cancel it. Do not reschedule.

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    doeydoViczaesar
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    If your friends wanted you to have one, they should throw one FOR you.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    doeydo
  • ch021410ch021410 member
    First Comment
    edited April 2014
    http://m.theknot.com/wedding-planning/rehearsal-dinner/qa/whos-hosts-engagement-party.aspx

    http://www.polkadotbride.com/2012/04/ten-engagement-party-tips/

    We are not having shower due to the fact that family and friends are all over the country. We are just having an engagement party, I said engagement party/shower because we are not having both. I know there is a huge difference with gift giving but we just wanted our friend to come over and have a nice brunch. Nothing elaborate. We are hosting our own because we didn't feel it was right to have them pay for it. Plus, we have the biggest place to accommodated people. It is a small party nothing big so 12 people tops including us.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited April 2014
    ch021410 said:
    http://m.theknot.com/wedding-planning/rehearsal-dinner/qa/whos-hosts-engagement-party.aspx http://www.polkadotbride.com/2012/04/ten-engagement-party-tips/ We are not having shower due to the fact that family and friends are all over the country. We are just having an engagement party, I said engagement party/shower because we are not having both. I know there is a huge difference with gift giving but we just wanted our friend to come over and have a nice brunch. Nothing elaborate. We are hosting our own because we didn't feel it was right to have them pay for it. Plus, we have the biggest place to accommodated people. It is a small party nothing big so 12 people tops including us.

    Oh, well, if it's in an article on THE KNOT or POLKA DOT BRIDE, it MUST be the right thing to do!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    SoontobeMrsNytes
  • MGPMGP member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    edited April 2014
    If I were a new friend of yours and was invited to a self-hosted engagement party/no gifts shower I would think it was a gift grab and incredibly self centered.  Not only would I decline I would certainly distance myself from you and let that friendship fade away.  Additionally I agree with the others that say if these friends really wanted to celebrate with you they would have offered to host something.

    If any of your guests feel the same way I would maybe that's the reason for your high decline rate.  Just something to think about.
    doeydoSoontobeMrsNytes
  • Like all the PP said, cancel the party, do not reschedule because you are being very rude by hosting your own party.  I bet anything that is why your decline rate is SO HIGH.  Put 2 & 2 together.
  • Why not just throw a party for the heck of it rather than giving it a name....sounds like you just want to have a good time with your friends....I'm sure if you are recently engaged they will want to celebrate that with you at a party whether or not its called an "engagement party"
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    I think the fact that everyone is declining should be your tip that your guests think it's rude for you to throw your own party, whether it's an "engagement party" or a "shower."

    image
    image
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    ch021410 said:
    We have family and friends that live all over the country and currently moved to a new city 1 year ago. We are hosting our own little engagement party/shower because we have made really good friends with people who cannot attend the shower being throw by family/friends in a different city. We wanted to include them in the wedding process.  

    As this party is mostly for our friends, we might just reschedule to accommodate for their schedules.  
    This is probably why you got so many declines!  Your friends are probably too kind to tell you to your face that it's rude to host your own shower.  Declining is the kindest way they can tell you.  
  • mysticlmysticl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    ch021410 said:
    How is this inappropriate? We didn't ask for them to bring gifts nor are we registered anywhere. We are hosting this party BECAUSE our friends wanted us to have one and we didn't feel it was right to ask them to attend a destination engagement party and wedding. I wasn't asking for whether hosting your own engagement party is appropriate, I was asking about attendance and if rescheduling is best for your guests. Nor, do I think it's appropriate to tell someone they are rude without not knowing all of the facts. Thanks!
    If your friends wanted you to have an engagement party they would have offered to throw you one.  
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  • MGP said:
    If I were a new friend of yours and was invited to a self-hosted engagement party/no gifts shower I would think it was a gift grab and incredibly self centered.  Not only would I decline I would certainly distance myself from you and let that friendship fade away.  Additionally I agree with the others that say if these friends really wanted to celebrate with you they would have offered to host something.

    If any of your guests feel the same way I would maybe that's the reason for your high decline rate.  Just something to think about.
    To the bolded, that is exactly what I was thinking.
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