Should I have to chase people for their addresses?

Voxy Roxy

Over the years I've gathered many of my friends' and family's addresses - and I've also lost them, lol. Also, my area recently went through an address change so even if I still had the addresses, I would need to update them anyway. I sent out a message on Facebook to most of the people I intend to invite, requesting that they e-mail me their addresses. (I didn't want them posting their address in the group conversation, for their own privacy.) However, not very many of them have gotten back to me. Luckily, the closest people have, but some people haven't. I certainly don't expect them to get back to me within days, but within a couple of weeks would be reasonable. If they don't, though, how do I proceed? Do I remind them? If so, how many times should I have to remind them? Do I let it go and figure that if they really wanted to come, they would have given me an address for their invitation? If they don't want to come, for whatever reason, that is absolutely their prerogative but I don't want to chase them down for the address in either case.

What am I to do?

Voxy Roxy

Thanks for the advice.

Let's say they don't respond to their second reminder - how many times should I ask? I don't want to seem like I'm nagging them, you know?

theartistformerlyknownas

Put a deadline in your follow-up/reminder so they know it's important. "Hey friend, just wanted to follow up and see if you could send your address along. I'm compiling my wedding invitations, so I need to have it by the eleventeenth of Octember. Thanks! Looking forward to seeing you!"

MyNameIsNot

Pick up the phone and call them.  If they don't answer or return your call, you can leave them off.  

JoanE2012

MyNameIsNot said:

Pick up the phone and call them.  If they don't answer or return your call, you can leave them off.  

THIS!  Forget facebook or email.  Just call them.  You'll have your answer in seconds.

MobKaz

Schatzi13 said:

A lot of people don't check their Facebook accounts religiously. Others probably flat-out ignore mass messages, as they're often junk or spam.

Since it's been a couple weeks, try contacting them a second time through some other means. A more personal form of communication might be more effective.

I wonder if I have old or incorrect information.  I always understood that if a message was sent via FB, a notification via email was also sent to the recipient.  I know I receive an email when people send me private FB messages.  I will often send a private FB message figuring they are getting a "double" message, thus doubling my chances the recipient will see/read it.  Is that not the case for everyone?  Can people, via settings, disable that feature?

tammym1001

@mobkaz - yes you can disable that feature. You can choose to not get any notifications at all so there may be people who don't know people are trying to reach them on Facebook if they don't check it all the time.

sheslikeasunburn

you should message them directly. 

kitty8403

I use FB messenger, not group messages. It tells me when a message has been displayed "read" on the other end. 
Honestly, I use it as a guide for these situations. If the computer says you've seen my note but haven't seen fit to respond within a reasonable time (a few days), the logical conclusion is that you're deliberately ignoring me. 

MyNameIsNot

kitty8403 said:

I use FB messenger, not group messages. It tells me when a message has been displayed "read" on the other end. 
Honestly, I use it as a guide for these situations. If the computer says you've seen my note but haven't seen fit to respond within a reasonable time (a few days), the logical conclusion is that you're deliberately ignoring me. 

Again, stop relying on FB.  Plenty of people check private messages from their phone, a shared computer, or it even gets checked by someone with their password.

If you care enough to invite them to your wedding, take 30 seconds to pick up the phone.  It's not hard.  

melbenso

I had one friend who just didn't respond to requests for his address.  I left him several voicemail messages and texts.  I ended up googling his name and city and found it through the online white pages.  If that hadn't worked, I was going to leave one more message that said "I need to send invitations soon.  If I don't have your address by X, I won't be able to send you one." If he didn't respond then, he wouldn't have gotten an invite.  It's not worth stressing that much about.

Maggie0829

How did we ever survive without FB?  Oh yeah, the phone.  Just call them.  And if they don't answer leave a message saying that you are getting addresses of your wedding invites and it would be great if they could send you theirs by X date.

theartistformerlyknownas

I maybe have 30% of my guests' phone numbers. I know for me, it would be just as hard to track those down as the addresses. But no, don't rely solely on FB, especially if that's not how you usually communicate with these people.

We got a lot of addresses from our parents and siblings, as they tended to have much larger Christmas card lists than we do. Whitepages.com was helpful too, more for older guests as many of our younger friends don't have home phones. Oftentimes FI would call and get no response, but a text did the trick. But if your first method doesn't work, try a second and be super specific with your request and your deadline, and if that still doesn't work...you have to draw the line somewhere.

kitty8403

Look, I'm not trying to be snarky here, but it's ridiculous to assume that every bride has the phone number for each guest and that phone calls are quick and simple. Easily 2/3 of my list, I have no contact information at all, other than a mailing address which I pray is not out of date. Our own numbers are unlisted. Lots of people can be easily located on social media or through their workplaces even though their numbers or emails are much more work to track down. When you have a hundred some people's numbers to hunt for, it's a giant pain. And the point remains the same--if you have repeatedly used the only means of communication you have, without a response, and a tracking system indicates those messages were received, it is reasonable to conclude that that person made a conscious choice not to respond.

Fran1985

kitty8403 said:

Look, I'm not trying to be snarky here, but it's ridiculous to assume that every bride has the phone number for each guest and that phone calls are quick and simple. Easily 2/3 of my list, I have no contact information at all, other than a mailing address which I pray is not out of date. Our own numbers are unlisted. Lots of people can be easily located on social media or through their workplaces even though their numbers or emails are much more work to track down. When you have a hundred some people's numbers to hunt for, it's a giant pain. And the point remains the same--if you have repeatedly used the only means of communication you have, without a response, and a tracking system indicates those messages were received, it is reasonable to conclude that that person made a conscious choice not to respond.

Really that should help you narrow down the list though. If you, your fiance, his parents or yours don't have their phone number, they shouldn't be invited to your wedding.

Jen4948

Fran1985 said:

kitty8403 said:

Look, I'm not trying to be snarky here, but it's ridiculous to assume that every bride has the phone number for each guest and that phone calls are quick and simple. Easily 2/3 of my list, I have no contact information at all, other than a mailing address which I pray is not out of date. Our own numbers are unlisted. Lots of people can be easily located on social media or through their workplaces even though their numbers or emails are much more work to track down. When you have a hundred some people's numbers to hunt for, it's a giant pain. And the point remains the same--if you have repeatedly used the only means of communication you have, without a response, and a tracking system indicates those messages were received, it is reasonable to conclude that that person made a conscious choice not to respond.

Really that should help you narrow down the list though. If you, your fiance, his parents or yours don't have their phone number, they shouldn't be invited to your wedding.

Bullshit.  There are lots of people I would invite to my wedding whom I do not have phone numbers for, but do communicate with through electronic means.  I do not need to have everyone's phone number to get in touch with them, much less use them to screen out who should and shouldn't be invited.  And did it ever occur to you that people with unlisted numbers are not going to give them out?  That doesn't mean they shouldn't be invited.

Fran1985

Jen4948 said:

Fran1985 said:

kitty8403 said:

Look, I'm not trying to be snarky here, but it's ridiculous to assume that every bride has the phone number for each guest and that phone calls are quick and simple. Easily 2/3 of my list, I have no contact information at all, other than a mailing address which I pray is not out of date. Our own numbers are unlisted. Lots of people can be easily located on social media or through their workplaces even though their numbers or emails are much more work to track down. When you have a hundred some people's numbers to hunt for, it's a giant pain. And the point remains the same--if you have repeatedly used the only means of communication you have, without a response, and a tracking system indicates those messages were received, it is reasonable to conclude that that person made a conscious choice not to respond.

Really that should help you narrow down the list though. If you, your fiance, his parents or yours don't have their phone number, they shouldn't be invited to your wedding.

Bullshit.  There are lots of people I would invite to my wedding whom I do not have phone numbers for, but do communicate with through electronic means.  I do not need to have everyone's phone number to get in touch with them, much less use them to screen out who should and shouldn't be invited.  And did it ever occur to you that people with unlisted numbers are not going to give them out?  That doesn't mean they shouldn't be invited.

People with unlisted numbers do tend to give them out to their close friends and family yeah. I'm not saying its a hard and fast rule, Jen, but in general if one of the people I mentioned doesn't have the phone number (for emergencies, to tell them you are running late to dinner, etc), it means they aren't close. There are people on my wedding list that I don't personally have a number for, but my fiance, his parents, or my parents do. 

 

theartistformerlyknownas

Fran1985 said:

Jen4948 said:

Fran1985 said:

kitty8403 said:

Look, I'm not trying to be snarky here, but it's ridiculous to assume that every bride has the phone number for each guest and that phone calls are quick and simple. Easily 2/3 of my list, I have no contact information at all, other than a mailing address which I pray is not out of date. Our own numbers are unlisted. Lots of people can be easily located on social media or through their workplaces even though their numbers or emails are much more work to track down. When you have a hundred some people's numbers to hunt for, it's a giant pain. And the point remains the same--if you have repeatedly used the only means of communication you have, without a response, and a tracking system indicates those messages were received, it is reasonable to conclude that that person made a conscious choice not to respond.

Really that should help you narrow down the list though. If you, your fiance, his parents or yours don't have their phone number, they shouldn't be invited to your wedding.

Bullshit.  There are lots of people I would invite to my wedding whom I do not have phone numbers for, but do communicate with through electronic means.  I do not need to have everyone's phone number to get in touch with them, much less use them to screen out who should and shouldn't be invited.  And did it ever occur to you that people with unlisted numbers are not going to give them out?  That doesn't mean they shouldn't be invited.

People with unlisted numbers do tend to give them out to their close friends and family yeah. I'm not saying its a hard and fast rule, Jen, but in general if one of the people I mentioned doesn't have the phone number (for emergencies, to tell them you are running late to dinner, etc), it means they aren't close. There are people on my wedding list that I don't personally have a number for, but my fiance, his parents, or my parents do. 

 

Right. I have friends who never give their phone number out because they prefer not to communicate that way... but then those are the people who DO communicate primarily through FB and will reply right away. If they don't give their phone number/address out readily AND none of your family has it AND they're not replying electronically... they're just not that into you/your wedding.

Jen4948

lolo883 said:

Fran1985 said:

Jen4948 said:

Fran1985 said:

kitty8403 said:

Look, I'm not trying to be snarky here, but it's ridiculous to assume that every bride has the phone number for each guest and that phone calls are quick and simple. Easily 2/3 of my list, I have no contact information at all, other than a mailing address which I pray is not out of date. Our own numbers are unlisted. Lots of people can be easily located on social media or through their workplaces even though their numbers or emails are much more work to track down. When you have a hundred some people's numbers to hunt for, it's a giant pain. And the point remains the same--if you have repeatedly used the only means of communication you have, without a response, and a tracking system indicates those messages were received, it is reasonable to conclude that that person made a conscious choice not to respond.

Really that should help you narrow down the list though. If you, your fiance, his parents or yours don't have their phone number, they shouldn't be invited to your wedding.

Bullshit.  There are lots of people I would invite to my wedding whom I do not have phone numbers for, but do communicate with through electronic means.  I do not need to have everyone's phone number to get in touch with them, much less use them to screen out who should and shouldn't be invited.  And did it ever occur to you that people with unlisted numbers are not going to give them out?  That doesn't mean they shouldn't be invited.

People with unlisted numbers do tend to give them out to their close friends and family yeah. I'm not saying its a hard and fast rule, Jen, but in general if one of the people I mentioned doesn't have the phone number (for emergencies, to tell them you are running late to dinner, etc), it means they aren't close. There are people on my wedding list that I don't personally have a number for, but my fiance, his parents, or my parents do. 

 

Right. I have friends who never give their phone number out because they prefer not to communicate that way... but then those are the people who DO communicate primarily through FB and will reply right away. If they don't give their phone number/address out readily AND none of your family has it AND they're not replying electronically... they're just not that into you/your wedding.

Exactly.  The fact that they aren't reachable by phone doesn't in and of itself mean that they shouldn't be invited.  Not everyone does give out their phone number.  That's their prerogative and shouldn't be used to screen out who should be invited and who shouldn't.