Long Distance friend- MOH?

NowIamMrsKlein

Good Morning!

My FI and I have been discussing our wedding party and have decided on 3 in the bridal party and 2 in the grooms party. (We believe that the bridal party is about honouring those closest to you and not for 'balanced photo op's)

Anyways, our entire party is scattered across north america. We live in British Columbia, Canada, we are getting married in Alberta, Canada (where we both grew up). the future Best Man lives another 2 provinces west in Manitoba and the potential MOH is currently a travelling nurse in the States so she is in a new state every 3 months so who knows where she will be at the time of the wedding.

What my question is is how to ask my friend to be in the wedding party without making her feel pressured to accept since i know that it may be completely impossible for her to even attend the wedding. But i don't want to not ask her to step into this role as she is very important to me and feel like if she can come to the wedding that it is important for her to be part of the day. If she cannot attend, then I will simply not have a 3 person and make a note in the program that she holds the honourary title even though she cant be there.

Im worried that straight out phoning and asking her will put her too much on the spot and she will feel too guilty to say no. I want to give her the opportunity to really think if its feasible before accepting. Do you think sending some sort of letter in the mail explaining that I would love for her to stand up with me but I understand that it may be impossible and dont want to pressure her into the decision kind of thing??

(I have no desire for a shower or bachlorette or any of those extra wedding related events that BM and MOH sometimes help with. I simply want to marry my best friend and have my other friend standing up with me.)

So any suggestions on how to ask her? And still make it special but not make her feel obligated to accept?

Thanks!

[Deleted User]

Maybe you could tell her than you want her to be your Maid of Honor even if she can't be at your wedding.  You'll continue to give her any information she needs in order to decide if the travel is possible, but no pressure if she can't make it.  And maybe even tell her she can wear whatever she wants out of her closet if she is able to make it, so she can even decide up to two weeks before your actual wedding if she can swing the flight or drive to your location.  Just refer to her as your MOH whether she knows if she'll be there or not.

MyNameIsNot

I understand your hesitation with wanting to put her on the spot, but I still think a phone call is better.  You can explain that you would be honored to have her stand next to you if it is possible, but that you understand that she'll have to check her travel schedule before she can commit.  You can ask her in such a way that you tell her you aren't expecting an answer then.

I would be worried that a letter could be left to interpretation, leaving her thinking that you don't really want her to accept.  

NowIamMrsKlein

Yes, I am definitely concerned about coming across as wanting her to say no. Which obviously is not the case. I just want to make sure that she knows that I completely understand her situation as she may not even know where she will be until the month before the wedding.

AddieCake

Just call her and ask her. Don't make any speeches or disclaimers.