Wedding registry etiquette

cmmellenthin

My fiance and I are purchasing our first home this May and we have been living together for the past 5 years. We have a lot of the items that are traditionally seen on a wedding registry list. We were thinking of registering at Menards but I wanted some input on if it was rude to only scan gift cards at Menards. Our house does need some re-modeling but I don't want it to seem like we are asking for money but I fear that scanning only gift cards it will come off that way...can anyone provide me with some thoughts/tips/advice. Any help would be much appreciated. 

[Deleted User]

If you want to register at Menards, please register for actual things like a cordless drill or sawzall and not giftcards.  I had a friend right out of college register at Target for standards like dishes and towels but also for a camping tent and some tools.  I bought the tools and took them to the shower.  Bride (but especially groom) loved it.

cmmellenthin

Thank you so much! This is the advice I was looking for! I appreciate it. 

delujm0

Scanning giftcards is the exat same thing as asking for money.  especially if you are having a shower.  a few people gave me gift cards at my shower and it was super awkward to be like "it's a gift card!" and hold it up while i was opening my physical gifts.

 

if you're having a shower, register for actual gifts.

mbross3

If you're going to register, you should register for actual items, not gift cards. People know that money is always an option in terms of a wedding gift, but some people just do not like giving money. If you don't want any physical gifts, just don't register. Yes, you run the risk of getting a few things you don't actually want/need, but the majority of the people will understand and give checks. 

cmmellenthin

Thank you all for the advice. We don't plan on having a gift opening shower the morning after the wedding, but I agree with the above comments that we should only register for what we need and people can decide whether or not to get a gift card or do cash/check. Thanks again! 

aurianna

Definitely register for actual gifts if you're going to register.
If there's anything you want to upgrade. I also don't sideeye things like tools, outdoor equipment, or things for entertaining (like board games). Some people do, but I don't.
And if you're registered a place, some people will just give you a gift card there on their own. Or cash.

If you're not having a shower your other option could be not registering at all. If people ask say "oh we have all the household things we need. Now we're saving for home improvements."
most people take that hint.

[Deleted User]

While I don't think I'd buy you a gallon of paint or a box of nails, I'd totally consider buying a backyard bonfire pit, toolbox, or set of wrenches.  I kinda prefer the non-traditional gift that I'd know you'd use to buying you a gravy boat.

Inkdancer

Now I want a sawzall on my registry.

iloveotters2014

you'll still end up getting gift cards so I wouldnt worry about it. Just register for actual items that you need. You'll get the gift cards too. Like I registered at Macy's and have gotten a ton of macy's gift cards so far.

insertusernamehere

magee2011 said:

you'll still end up getting gift cards so I wouldnt worry about it. Just register for actual items that you need. You'll get the gift cards too. Like I registered at Macy's and have gotten a ton of macy's gift cards so far.

Does Macy's do a completion discount? If so that's awesome!

ShellD13

My FI and I are both around 40 and had lived independently for many years before we bought a house together 2 years ago.  Not to mention I love to cook so if I wanted a kitchen appliance/gadget/toy I'd already bought it for myself.  :-)  We had everything we needed for our house, so we decided to register for items that we needed to outfit our new to us camper for family vacations.

Roadside Tool Kit
Lanterns
Emergency Radio
Unbreakable dishes/silverware
Toys and Games to pass the time at the Campground (Laddergolf, frisbee, soccer ball, etc)
Camp Cookware, etc.

I too would much rather buy something for someone that I know they need and will use vs. the traditional wedding items.

Too bad my FI already has a Sawzall ;-) Thats another great idea!

At any rate, look at the projects you want to do and either register for supplies or tools that you will need to complete the work - so many of those little projects will pop up that you will greatly appreciate anything that will help offset those project costs down the road.

Teddy917

cmmellenthin said:

Thank you all for the advice. We don't plan on having a gift opening shower the morning after the wedding, but I agree with the above comments that we should only register for what we need and people can decide whether or not to get a gift card or do cash/check. Thanks again! 

Why would you have a shower after the wedding, let alone the day after? Showers are PRE-wedding parties. I know you're not planning on having one but where would you even get that idea.

wrigleyville

If I saw you registered at Menards and saw things like wrenches, ladders, area rugs, and such, I'd figure out pretty quickly that you guys registered there so you could work on your house. Then, knowing THAT, I'd get you a $50-100 gift card (depending on how close we are) so you could buy some paint, tile, or whatever else you might need.

I think most of your guests will figure that out. That's why I wouldn't register for gift cards, but by getting creative with your registry, you can sort of lead people down that path. Know what I mean?

doeydo

Teddy917 said:

Thank you all for the advice. We don't plan on having a gift opening shower the morning after the wedding, but I agree with the above comments that we should only register for what we need and people can decide whether or not to get a gift card or do cash/check. Thanks again! 

Why would you have a shower after the wedding, let alone the day after? Showers are PRE-wedding parties. I know you're not planning on having one but where would you even get that idea.

This.  Also, ditto PPs that registering for gift cards is basically asking for cash so it is rude.

wrigleyville

By "gift opening shower" do you mean something like a day-after brunch where you open your wedding gifts? My family does that so the out-of-town family has more time to hang out with everyone; plus, it's fun to watch the B&G open their wedding gifts. It's usually hosted in their home or one of the parents' homes.

We usually eat leftover wedding cake at the day-after brunch.

MobKaz

doeydo said:

Teddy917 said:

Thank you all for the advice. We don't plan on having a gift opening shower the morning after the wedding, but I agree with the above comments that we should only register for what we need and people can decide whether or not to get a gift card or do cash/check. Thanks again! 

Why would you have a shower after the wedding, let alone the day after? Showers are PRE-wedding parties. I know you're not planning on having one but where would you even get that idea.

This.  Also, ditto PPs that registering for gift cards is basically asking for cash so it is rude.

I wonder if she misspoke.  I know several brides have spoken about opening gifts given AT the wedding, the following morning in front of family and friends.  It often revolves around a "morning after" brunch or other hospitality.  

It is not a tradition done in my area, but I recall threads from brides that question whether they HAVE to do it.

iloveotters2014

LauraMichael2015 said:

you'll still end up getting gift cards so I wouldnt worry about it. Just register for actual items that you need. You'll get the gift cards too. Like I registered at Macy's and have gotten a ton of macy's gift cards so far.

Does Macy's do a completion discount? If so that's awesome!

I'm not sure if it's something you automatically get. but we opened a macy's card when we created our registry and we get the "points" from what people purchase off our registry to purchase whatever is left after the wedding

SP29

I assumed what the OP meant regarding the "gift opening shower", is that she is registering for gifts that will be received at the wedding, while other posters mentioned a shower, so the OP said there won't be one. 

Agreed- register for items you actually want. But keeping your registry small will let guests know that money is your preferred options, while still giving those who only give physical gifts an option. 

yakwithlou

People who know you well will be aware of what you need.  Scanning gift cards is like asking for cash only which is so very wrong.

cmmellenthin

Teddy917 said:

Thank you all for the advice. We don't plan on having a gift opening shower the morning after the wedding, but I agree with the above comments that we should only register for what we need and people can decide whether or not to get a gift card or do cash/check. Thanks again! 

Why would you have a shower after the wedding, let alone the day after? Showers are PRE-wedding parties. I know you're not planning on having one but where would you even get that idea.

My apologies on the language I did not understand that showers are only pre-wedding events. What I meant was having a post-wedding brunch gift opening. Thanks for providing the clarification. 

Thank you to everyone else for posting, it has helped us tremendously!! 

APDSS22

I would also add that Menard's is awesome.  We don't have one close to where I live, but my grandma has one near her house and we always go there when we visit because we're also usually cleaning her gutters, replacing her light fixtures and re-wiring her electrical sockets.

nicolemlajoie

My question is, if you are registering for a honeymoon instead of actual "house" gifts, how does that work with a shower?

Inkdancer

nicolemlajoie said:

My question is, if you are registering for a honeymoon instead of actual "house" gifts, how does that work with a shower?

It doesn't. You don't want physical gifts = you don't get a shower.

ashleyep

nicolemlajoie said:

My question is, if you are registering for a honeymoon instead of actual "house" gifts, how does that work with a shower?

Honeymoon Registries are considered poor etiquette. It's asking for cash. A wedding shower is for physical gifts. 

AprilH81

LauraMichael2015 said:

you'll still end up getting gift cards so I wouldnt worry about it. Just register for actual items that you need. You'll get the gift cards too. Like I registered at Macy's and have gotten a ton of macy's gift cards so far.

Does Macy's do a completion discount? If so that's awesome!

20% discount for 30 days (give or take) following the wedding and then 15% for a while longer.