Should bridesmaids pay for pre-wedding reception?

koffee4

Greetings,

Instead of a post wedding reception, our destination bride-to-be is requesting a cocktail style masquerade themed party that will start at 7pm. She wanted the bridal party to take care of the entire expense for this party of 75 or more people, including food, beverages, alcohol, centerpieces, candy bar, place settings, menu cards, photo backdrop, favors, etc. The budget for the event totaled more than $2K at the last estimate.  Many bridesmaids feel this is too much to ask, especially since this is a destination wedding and she requested to go to Vegas for the bachelorette party. We have thankfully talked her out of that. After hearing complaints and questions from the wedding party, she has reluctantly agreed to pay for food and alcohol but expects bridesmaids to pay for centerpieces, tableware, DJ, non-alcoholic beverages, candy bar, photo backdrop and cake. She insists this is not a reception but a party, but requested us to save space for grooms cake.  We also received a PowerPoint presentation at our first bridesmaids meeting that outlined the details of what she wanted at her 

"wedding shower".  Please advise as how to proceed and or address the bride. By the way, she has requested (through her maid-of-honor) that no one call and ask her any questions/ details about the shower. Any questions are to be addressed to the maid-of-honor, who will ask the bride, and we will get answered in that manner. This process seems a little unethical for friends, do you think? Please help with any advice or suggestions?

Sincerely,

Future Maidzilla

Latillo

Wow! Not to be disrespectful to the bride to be, but she sounds a little crazy. Maybe I am just a very laid back bride but I have not, nor will I give my two MOH's any instructions on anything. I have already told them they can wear whatever they want, do their hair however, their nails, jewelry etc... and I am leaving my shower and bachelorette party completely in their hands!

As for your friend, I think it is completely unacceptable for her to ask for her bridesmaids to pay for a party that was HER decision. I absolutely would not agree to this. If her and her FI are choosing to have a pre-wedding party, that is her choice and should be paid for by her.

Good luck with the whole situation. I'd be interested to hear how it turns out! Good luck!

princessleia22

Yeah, that is ridiculous. I would immediately back out of being in the wedding.  I would tell her that you just can't afford the financial aspect of what she is requiring/requesting from her wedding party and you weren't aware that she would be so financially demanding when you accepted the position. Bridesmaids shouldn't be "required" to pay for anything other than their dress. And if they choose to throw a shower, it should be based on their budgets, not the brides desires. If bridal party is paying for it, they get to decide budget and what elements to include, regardless of what bride wants. It does sound like she is trying to turn this into a reception, rather than paying for her own reception, which is horrible. And stating that you aren't allowed to contact the bride is a pretty bad way to treat your "friends". Yeah, I'd turn and run as fast as I could from that one.

kimberly0315

Absolutely ridiculous!  If I were one of her bridesmaids I would pull out of the wedding to be honest and I would tell her why.  It sounds absurd and I wouldn't be paying for that!

MobKaz

@KAustin4, you have also posted on Etiquette, Moms and Maids, and Pre-Wedding Parties.  It is NOT necessary to post the same question on multiple boards.  IF you do post an identical question, please place "XP" at the start of your title.

It would be helpful if you could go back to your posts and edit them for clarification.  

Knottie37373131

If she wants it, she can pay for it.