Husband shopping for dresses with me?

Ndelible

You didn't. It's an example where of where the civil and the personal are separated, and with good reason. Acknowledgement from the State is not a reflection of the couple's private beliefs, nor, IMO, is the real wedding. That is the marriage. The wedding, on the other hand, is something completely different and can be done in tandem or afterward.

KGold80

Ndelible said:

You didn't. It's an example where of where the civil and the personal are separated, and with good reason. Acknowledgement from the State is not a reflection of the couple's private beliefs, nor, IMO, is the real wedding. That is the marriage. The wedding, on the other hand, is something completely different and can be done in tandem or afterward.

What happens in Germany not relevant to this discussion. Rushing into a bare-bones civil ceremony to get government benefits and then following that up with a religious ceremony complete with all of the trappings of a wedding is silly and honestly it may come off as offensive to those who get married in civil ceremonies because are they not really married because they didn't have the big church wedding? The couple has had a wedding when they are legally married, whenever and wherever that happens.

Ndelible

Me thinks that the judgment of what works for couples is astounding. It doesn't matter why they are having a civil marriage first. They wish to have a wedding ceremony in addition. Far be it from anyone to pass on their belief system to them. You did it all in one, more power to you. Something else works for them. It's their marriage, their ceremony and their beliefs. Good grief!

Ndelible

I have had a civil marriage and that made us a couple. We chose not to do a wedding. That's our choice. There is a difference between a wedding and a marriage; they are not one in the same. A wedding can be the celebration of a marriage and that's what the OP would like to do. Who is anyone to say she's a fraud or worse? She's not. She wants to celebrate her marriage with her family and her friends. I say good for her!

KGold80

Ndelible said:

I have had a civil marriage and that made us a couple. We chose not to do a wedding. That's our choice. There is a difference between a wedding and a marriage; they are not one in the same. A wedding can be the celebration of a marriage and that's what the OP would like to do. Who is anyone to say she's a fraud or worse? She's not. She wants to celebrate her marriage with her family and her friends. I say good for her!

Your first statement is odd. Your civil marriage made you husband and wife. Presumably you were a couple before that civil marriage unless you met on the street outside and thought it would be fun to get married to a stranger. A wedding is the act of getting married, in whatever form that may take - civil or religious, large or small, vows exchanged or not. There are a variety of ways to get married that don't involve a whole lot of expense, but aren't as ridiculous as having a do-over when you are indeed already married. Celebrating your marriage with friends and family is a wonderful time to throw a party. It shouldn't include a big white gown, a cake, spotlight dances, etc. As adults, we all have to make decisions. Sometimes those decisions are difficult and result in missing out on things we would have liked to have done, such as having a big traditional wedding.

QueerFemme

It's the performance of a fake re-do that make people judgy.  Just because something "works for them", doesn't make it proper etiquette. 

People come to see you get married and celebrate with you at your reception, immediately thereafter.   Having a do-over is basically theatre.  If I wanted to see Hamlet, I would buy tickets to Hamlet. 

Ndelible

Sometimes tablet cause all kinds of typos... When we got married, we became a couple in the eyes of the State. It was up to us to decide if we wanted to go further and also have the religious part. I think that the problem is in the interchangeable use of marriage and wedding. IMO (something not stated enough on this site, IMO), they are very different things. The wedding is the ritual, the celebration of the marriage. I get that it's a personal choice. Choice, being the key word. What I think is unfair and downright anti-love and really, not very nice, is the very harsh judging any of the brides for the choices they make according to their tradition, beliefs or even just lifestyle. If a woman wants to wear a wedding gown to her birthday party, so what? Why get panties in a bunch? The wedding is the celebration and the ritualization. If there was no time for it whenever, goodness forbid that the happy couple wishes to share the celebration of their relationship with the trappings that many seem to think are too hallowed for reinterpretation.

Ndelible

Well, that is your opinion and who are you to say what another brides come for? Some might come for the free meal. Others might come because they feel obligated, yet, there may be others who wish to share in the joy of the celebration of the marriage. And they are happy to be there. It's been done like that since way back. A whole lot of people have done the civil thing first and then the wedding. More proverbs needed: don't judge a bride until you have walked in her $300 Bagley Mischas and paid for them....

Ndelible

Whoops, that should have been "what another bride's guests come for...." Bad tablet, bad!

singinchick13

I'm sorry, but have you ever opened up a dictionary? The two words you are talking about are synonymous, which means THEY HAVE THE SAME MEANING AND ARE INTERCHANGEABLE. I have stated already in this thread that PPD's for any reason are not accepted on this board because they are a sham. A do-over cannot correctly be termed a "wedding".

If there is any further confusion my English degree and I would be happy to give a vocabulary lesson.

weddingmcgee

What I did is have my fiance sit down with me and look at some wedding dresses online and tell me things that he does and doesn't like. I learned that he doesn't like a ton of lace and he pointed out a few fit and flare dresses. He also likes sweet heart necklines. So, while I won't be taking him with me, I did want his input. Not so I can follow it to a tee, but so that I can incorporate his taste into my selection because I want him to love the dress. Granted, he will think I'm beautiful in anything I wear and the dress isn't super important to us, I still wanted to see what he liked. I couldn't care less if he saw the dress ahead of time, but he wants to be surprised so we're doing a first look photo session before the ceremony.

Ask your fiance if it's important to him to be surprised. And consider whether it is to you and go from there. Who cares if it's not tradition? Do what you want, wear what you want. If it is important to your family to witness an exchange of vows and a religious ceremony even if you're already married, then go for it. But do consider this an opportunity to find something that isn't a wedding dress- which tend to be over priced and uncomfortable and only for one day. Just a thought. 

Ndelible

singinchick13 said:

I'm sorry, but have you ever opened up a dictionary? The two words you are talking about are synonymous, which means THEY HAVE THE SAME MEANING AND ARE INTERCHANGEABLE. I have stated already in this thread that PPD's for any reason are not accepted on this board because they are a sham. A do-over cannot correctly be termed a "wedding".

If there is any further confusion my English degree and I would be happy to give a vocabulary lesson.

Thanks, but no thanks.  I prefer my teachers to be open minded, kind, fair and non-judgmental.  

QueerFemme

I walked in my Badgleys at my wedding. So yeah. There's that.

Viczaesar

Ndelible said:

singinchick13 said:

I'm sorry, but have you ever opened up a dictionary? The two words you are talking about are synonymous, which means THEY HAVE THE SAME MEANING AND ARE INTERCHANGEABLE. I have stated already in this thread that PPD's for any reason are not accepted on this board because they are a sham. A do-over cannot correctly be termed a "wedding".

If there is any further confusion my English degree and I would be happy to give a vocabulary lesson.

Thanks, but no thanks.  I prefer my teachers to be open minded, kind, fair and non-judgmental.  

And apparently only tell you what you want to hear, not the truth.