Bridesmaid thoughts

JCbride2015

I know we always say, "Internet strangers can't tell you who to pick."  But I want to know your thoughts about this-- I'm thinking about it from the high school BFFs thread.

I have a friend who we don't see each other or even talk that frequently, but when we do, we can talk for HOURS and it's like nothing has ever changed.  We've been close since middle school.  Our cultures are quite different and I have learned a lot from her over the years.  She is a brand new doctor (insanely busy) and lives OOS with her new husband.  I was part of her bridal party although not an actual BM (kind of an Indian tradition like a house party).

So.... I keep feeling like something would be missing if she's not a BM.  But here are my hesitations: 1) would you think it was weird to be a BM for a friend you only see rarely? 2) do you consider being a BM time-consuming or a burden?  As for #2, I am of course not expecting any "duties," but I know my sister/MOH wants to plan a bach party.  Of course she's free to say no to whatever she wants, but if it were me I would feel like I should participate.

It doesn't matter much, but I already have a lot of BMs.  She would make 7 plus a younger cousin (not calling her junior, but not participating in adult activities).

I'm leaning toward calling and asking her even though we don't talk frequently.  Just want to make sure you all wouldn't see this as like overly clingy or anything.

pinkshorts27

JCBride2014 said:

I know we always say, "Internet strangers can't tell you who to pick."  But I want to know your thoughts about this-- I'm thinking about it from the high school BFFs thread.

I have a friend who we don't see each other or even talk that frequently, but when we do, we can talk for HOURS and it's like nothing has ever changed.  We've been close since middle school.  Our cultures are quite different and I have learned a lot from her over the years.  She is a brand new doctor (insanely busy) and lives OOS with her new husband.  I was part of her bridal party although not an actual BM (kind of an Indian tradition like a house party).

So.... I keep feeling like something would be missing if she's not a BM.  But here are my hesitations: 1) would you think it was weird to be a BM for a friend you only see rarely? 2) do you consider being a BM time-consuming or a burden?  As for #2, I am of course not expecting any "duties," but I know my sister/MOH wants to plan a bach party.  Of course she's free to say no to whatever she wants, but if it were me I would feel like I should participate.

It doesn't matter much, but I already have a lot of BMs.  She would make 7 plus a younger cousin (not calling her junior, but not participating in adult activities).

I'm leaning toward calling and asking her even though we don't talk frequently.  Just want to make sure you all wouldn't see this as like overly clingy or anything.

I don't know what other ladies say, but most of my friends are that way. 3/5 of the girls I asked (minus MOH and another girl) are that way. I still feel really close to them and would trust them with anything, but due to circumstances and location, we can't talk as often as I would like.  People may think that is weird, but I know how close I am to these girls and I couldn't imagine getting married without them there. It would feel like something was missing!

HisGirlFriday13

I think you should. The threshold is whether you can imagine your wedding day without her. It sounds like you can't. Ask her. If it were me, I'd feel.honoured, not like you were being clingy.

phira

I think that the feeling like something is missing is telling you that you want her in your wedding party. I asked a friend of mine to be a bridesmaid for that same reason--it felt wrong not having her in the wedding party.

I'd be clear about your expectations (that they're minimal) if you do ask her. But I say, go for it!

AddieCake

From what you said, I think you should ask her. Saying you feel like something is missing is the clincher for me.

500days

I also think you should ask her. I asked a childhood friend to a BM for very similar reasons. She doesn't even live out of state and we probably only hang out once or twice a year due to adult life. But it's the same relationship as what you described, we always chat for hours and feel completely natural and comfortable together. I think you have very good reasons for asking her to stand by you.

JCbride2015

Thanks everybody-- interesting to see so many of you have friendships like this, too!  I think I will give her a call and ask her to stand up.  I'll try to make it clear I don't expect her to travel for pre-wedding parties with her busy schedule.