.......But you're already married......(?)

Ndelible

AND IF I WANTED, I COULD HAVE ANOTHER. Free country. Get it?

Ndelible

We are talking past each other here people. I have already stated that I was married in a CH and that was it. Perfectly fine for us. We did not feel the need to have a formal, religious wedding. Mind you, we could have, but did not. We were just as married with only the civil. Our decision does not diminish those who choose to do both OR just one. This is normal for me. And I suspect many others. I am behind anyone who wants to do what they want to do (legally, of course - felt I needed to put in that disclaimer). What I take offense at is this mania directed at those who choose the two parter option. It's their choice, their marriage, their money and ultimately their happiness.

Ndelible

Well, depends on what play acting is being done. Misrepresentation on any level is not okay. That's just fucked up. Honesty is the best policy. I am very okay with reciting special vows or doing something particular to a religion. IMO, civil and religious should be separated. No getting upset because certain people can't get married. Two consenting adults - the State recognizes your union. Religious stuff, go talk to your clergy people.

Ndelible

JC - I think it is semantics. I view a wedding as the celebration of the marriage, while others see it as the act of getting married. It's not really a big deal. I simply don't like the meanness. And yes, some posters are hellified nasty when it's uncalled for. Not everyone and not on every topic, but sometimes I read these posts just to see how rude people can be. Even my colleagues ask me about it. Not interested in weddings, not keyed into any of this kind of stuff. I read some of the responses to them and the looks on their faces... Kinda priceless. These are just random ones I pick out. It's pretty sad when any random thread has loads of sarcasm, rudeness and judgment. Just saying....

Ndelible

Oh and that was like 25 years ago, so no congratulations necessary , but thank you. We were happy... For a minute... And just to put a little book end on this, FH, wanted to do two weddings, as we live in different states. One for his family/friends and one for mine. I said no, cause planning one is enough work. We compromised and are doing Vegas, kinda in the middle. Equal pain for everyone.

Ndelible

flan, I agree that others do not need to be present to validate a marriage. It may be insecurities or what. I don't care. It's their money, time and headaches, if they want to do it. I'm simply not going to judge them. They can knock themselves out as far as I'm concerned. But I do say only one present. I don't have a problem with that. Now, if they take their act on the road and reappear at a venue... Then I'd just smile.

Ndelible

And let me express my apologies for the disjointed replies. I'm working off a tablet and the quote and reply doesn't quite work right. It is way better on a PC or laptop. I don't have access to either in the evening.

PrincessOfHavoc

Ndelible said:

No, the legal rights recognized by the State are the most important. The celebration comes second in my mind. In the US, we can do them together . But, one does not have to. That's the beauty, people can do the civil thing quietly and do a big celebration, if they so choose. It is the opinion of some that it can't be done that way. Again, an opinion. There is no law against people planning and having a large celebration of their marriage. You win nothing.

The most important part is accepting and respecting the commitment to your partner(s).

Legal rights are next. Then celebration.

However, a large percentage of the US population can not have the legal rights. That is NOT an opinion. It's the vile truth of having religion become law.

Absolutely, have a celebration. But not the full church ceremony. Have a party.

Or a vow renewal. But, I hate those as an excuse for a PPD. My parents had one when my mom was first diagnosed. Dad's step father suggested in front of Mom, my siblings and me that Dad should divorce her to not spend money on her care. Only time I have ever cussed out my grandparents. Told him he was a fucking bastard who could fuck off and to fucking leave before I shoved his shit for brains back up his fucking ass where it belonged. Later, Mom and Dad wanted to talk to me and I was thinking I'm in trouble. Nope. They loved that their moody, surly teenager actually liked them, and I should have used more cursing. So, they had a renewal because hey, promise includes sickness.

KGold80

@Ndelible - yes, absolutely...it's a free country so people can throw PPDs all they like, but people are also free to side-eye the shit out of them because said PPDs are tacky and unnecessary. Even moreso when the participants lie to their loved ones about their legal marriage status.

DaisyMaeMommy

Ndelible said:

AND IF I WANTED, I COULD HAVE ANOTHER. Free country. Get it?

Oh my God... You sound like a child.

The simple fact is that you were MARRIED at the courthouse. That was your wedding. There is no other explanation, and saying that wasn't your "real" wedding is ridiculous.

Too many idiot people in this country take the act of getting married for granted. I know plenty of same-sex couples that would LOVE to just be able to run to the courthouse and get married, but they can't.

Stop justifying PPDs with your ignorant logic. You're wasting your time and our's,

Cookie Pusher

@Ndelible You indeed had a wedding. What you didn't have, though, was a wedding reception. Two totally different things.

Most of us are really into parties and cake. Post-wedding celebrations are awesome! Lying, not so much. As long as I know what I'm going into, I can make an adult decision on whether I will attend or not. If you lie to me and I find out, you'll forever get stink-eye from me because you didn't care about me enough to let me make an honest, informed decision.  I also will side-eye any post wedding celebration that comes off as gift-grabby/overly AW-ish/ungrateful and come with other etiquette faux pas.

VulgarGirl

Ndelible said:

AND IF I WANTED, I COULD HAVE ANOTHER. Free country. Get it?

So you just don't give a shit about people like me. Is that it? People who can't have the legal right you scoff at? The legal right that doesn't really matter at all apparently. At least to people who already have it. Nice. Really nice.

Ndelible

flantastic said:

@Ndelible, I respect you a lot for coming back and arguing through this, BTW.

 

Thank you.  I do appreciate that.

The reason we put so much effort into arguing and clarifying these points is not so much for you as it is for those who won't post but hopefully will just read through and learn.

 

I could get that, if some of the responses weren't so very nasty.  Okay, so some folk think that second ceremonies are tacky.  That's fine.  But it's not a capital crime and the responses are sometimes so nasty and so over the top, it's out of proportion.  That's all.

We want people who are "lurking" and considering having a celebration of marriage that looks like a wedding (awkward for the guests whether or not the guests know that the real wedding/marriage already occurred) to see this, hopefully come to the understanding that 1) the marriage is more important than the dress and party; 2) that people do not need to be there to validate their marriage, but it is nice to have people to witness the moment you are actually committing your life to someone; and 3) rethink what they really want most before they go so far as to ask their guests to participate in the awkwardness of something that looks like a wedding but isn't.

 

Okay, all well and fine.  But all of the negativity?  Is that really necessary?  I still stand by my opinion that sometimes a second ceremony and party - whatever, are just fine.  These kinds of events happen all of the time.  Don't understand the vehemently expressed opinions.

Sometimes just clear reasoning works. Sometimes the shock value of the "mean" or sarcastic posts is what gets it through to people - seeing frustration and disapproval from the Knotties over something you were considering will either make someone defensive, or cause them some serious thought. So there's both types of post present on this forum.

 

Shock value doesn't do much except make people turn off.  It's not cute or kind to judge people for their choices for a party.  Really?  There can be no commentary on anyone else's value of marriage.  Seems closed minded to think one can draw such inferences from another's party choices.

sophhabobopha

Ndelible said:

flantastic said:

@Ndelible, I respect you a lot for coming back and arguing through this, BTW.

 

Thank you.  I do appreciate that.

The reason we put so much effort into arguing and clarifying these points is not so much for you as it is for those who won't post but hopefully will just read through and learn.

 

I could get that, if some of the responses weren't so very nasty.  Okay, so some folk think that second ceremonies are tacky.  That's fine.  But it's not a capital crime and the responses are sometimes so nasty and so over the top, it's out of proportion.  That's all.

We want people who are "lurking" and considering having a celebration of marriage that looks like a wedding (awkward for the guests whether or not the guests know that the real wedding/marriage already occurred) to see this, hopefully come to the understanding that 1) the marriage is more important than the dress and party; 2) that people do not need to be there to validate their marriage, but it is nice to have people to witness the moment you are actually committing your life to someone; and 3) rethink what they really want most before they go so far as to ask their guests to participate in the awkwardness of something that looks like a wedding but isn't.

 

Okay, all well and fine.  But all of the negativity?  Is that really necessary?  I still stand by my opinion that sometimes a second ceremony and party - whatever, are just fine.  These kinds of events happen all of the time.  Don't understand the vehemently expressed opinions.

Sometimes just clear reasoning works. Sometimes the shock value of the "mean" or sarcastic posts is what gets it through to people - seeing frustration and disapproval from the Knotties over something you were considering will either make someone defensive, or cause them some serious thought. So there's both types of post present on this forum.

 

Shock value doesn't do much except make people turn off.  It's not cute or kind to judge people for their choices for a party.  Really?  There can be no commentary on anyone else's value of marriage.  Seems closed minded to think one can draw such inferences from another's party choices.

Ndelible said:

AND IF I WANTED, I COULD HAVE ANOTHER. Free country. Get it?

Ndelible

KGold80 said:

@Ndelible - yes, absolutely...it's a free country so people can throw PPDs all they like, but people are also free to side-eye the shit out of them because said PPDs are tacky and unnecessary. Even moreso when the participants lie to their loved ones about their legal marriage status.

Oh yeah, I can talk about people just as well as the next person.  But would keep my comments to the Kardashians of the world.  Everyday people?  I figure they generally have the best of intentions and aren't trying to swindle or bilk anyone.  Of course that happens, but I'm glad to say I have not come across the greedy, attention seeking liars that y'all seem to be so sure are everywhere.

Ndelible

MagicInk said:

Ndelible said:

AND IF I WANTED, I COULD HAVE ANOTHER. Free country. Get it?

So you just don't give a shit about people like me. Is that it? People who can't have the legal right you scoff at? The legal right that doesn't really matter at all apparently. At least to people who already have it. Nice. Really nice.

Actually, I am not scoffing at anyone or anything.  Quite the opposite.  I've already stated that I think that civil unions should be across the board.  Two consenting adults.  Period.  No church.  No synagogue.  None of that, "it hurts marriage" bullshit that is used to prevent same sex couples from forming a union.  I think that some folk get a little too upset when religion and marriage come into play.  I'd prefer to take the bullshit factor out. 

The reason I have no issue with the ceremony (private/personal/religious) part being separate and apart from the civil part.  We don't have marriage equality, but anyone can have a party/wedding/do-over/cake & punch. 

Ndelible

Cookie Pusher said:

@Ndelible You indeed had a wedding. What you didn't have, though, was a wedding reception. Two totally different things.

Most of us are really into parties and cake. Post-wedding celebrations are awesome! Lying, not so much. As long as I know what I'm going into, I can make an adult decision on whether I will attend or not. If you lie to me and I find out, you'll forever get stink-eye from me because you didn't care about me enough to let me make an honest, informed decision.  I also will side-eye any post wedding celebration that comes off as gift-grabby/overly AW-ish/ungrateful and come with other etiquette faux pas.

Semantics and real life sometimes collide.  Actually, I got married.  I didn't have a wedding.  I was married in West Germany where you have two separate events.  One in mandatory and one is not.  The civil is mandatory.  The religious/personal is not.  It is the couple's choice.  They are usually not done on the same day.  So, don't go to Germany.  There are PPDs all over the fucking place.

Ndelible

sophhabobopha said:

Ndelible said:

flantastic said:

@Ndelible, I respect you a lot for coming back and arguing through this, BTW.

 

Thank you.  I do appreciate that.

The reason we put so much effort into arguing and clarifying these points is not so much for you as it is for those who won't post but hopefully will just read through and learn.

 

I could get that, if some of the responses weren't so very nasty.  Okay, so some folk think that second ceremonies are tacky.  That's fine.  But it's not a capital crime and the responses are sometimes so nasty and so over the top, it's out of proportion.  That's all.

We want people who are "lurking" and considering having a celebration of marriage that looks like a wedding (awkward for the guests whether or not the guests know that the real wedding/marriage already occurred) to see this, hopefully come to the understanding that 1) the marriage is more important than the dress and party; 2) that people do not need to be there to validate their marriage, but it is nice to have people to witness the moment you are actually committing your life to someone; and 3) rethink what they really want most before they go so far as to ask their guests to participate in the awkwardness of something that looks like a wedding but isn't.

 

Okay, all well and fine.  But all of the negativity?  Is that really necessary?  I still stand by my opinion that sometimes a second ceremony and party - whatever, are just fine.  These kinds of events happen all of the time.  Don't understand the vehemently expressed opinions.

Sometimes just clear reasoning works. Sometimes the shock value of the "mean" or sarcastic posts is what gets it through to people - seeing frustration and disapproval from the Knotties over something you were considering will either make someone defensive, or cause them some serious thought. So there's both types of post present on this forum.

 

Shock value doesn't do much except make people turn off.  It's not cute or kind to judge people for their choices for a party.  Really?  There can be no commentary on anyone else's value of marriage.  Seems closed minded to think one can draw such inferences from another's party choices.

Ndelible said:

AND IF I WANTED, I COULD HAVE ANOTHER. Free country. Get it?

I have to laugh at that one because it was in response to another poster who wrote in ALL CAPS,  (k, she was yelling) and because of the tablet problem, I couldn't quote her.  I thought her post was childish, but the joke's on me, since later readers do have the perspective.  I laugh about it now, but if my speakers had been on, they'd be in the hospital, that shout was so loud.

Ndelible

Check out my later post for clarification on everyone insisting I had a wedding.

Ndelible

PrincessOfHavoc said:

No, the legal rights recognized by the State are the most important. The celebration comes second in my mind. In the US, we can do them together . But, one does not have to. That's the beauty, people can do the civil thing quietly and do a big celebration, if they so choose. It is the opinion of some that it can't be done that way. Again, an opinion. There is no law against people planning and having a large celebration of their marriage. You win nothing.

The most important part is accepting and respecting the commitment to your partner(s). Legal rights are next. Then celebration. However, a large percentage of the US population can not have the legal rights. That is NOT an opinion. It's the vile truth of having religion become law. Absolutely, have a celebration. But not the full church ceremony. Have a party. Or a vow renewal. But, I hate those as an excuse for a PPD. My parents had one when my mom was first diagnosed. Dad's step father suggested in front of Mom, my siblings and me that Dad should divorce her to not spend money on her care. Only time I have ever cussed out my grandparents. Told him he was a fucking bastard who could fuck off and to fucking leave before I shoved his shit for brains back up his fucking ass where it belonged. Later, Mom and Dad wanted to talk to me and I was thinking I'm in trouble. Nope. They loved that their moody, surly teenager actually liked them, and I should have used more cursing. So, they had a renewal because hey, promise includes sickness.

 

Good going girl!  I would have been proud of you too.  Please tell me that your Mom is still doing okay.

PrincessOfHavoc

No she's not. She died when I was 21. Invasive breast cancer, diagnosed at 34, lost the war at 41.

CMGragain

It is a free country.  If I want to, I can dress up in a big, pouffy white wedding dress every day for the rest of my life, say vows to my husband, and call it a wedding.
That wouldn't make it a wedding.
It would make me look like a fool.
I can also dress up in a clown suit and wear it to church on Sunday.  It's a free country.  I would get a lot of attention.  That makes about as much sense as a PPD.
I need to go to the grocery store.  I think I'll wear a wedding dress.  People will admire me, and my real friends will think it's a great idea!

kitty8403

mrsRAJAB said:

This post hit home a little for me... and not in a good way.

I married my SO of 5+ years in CH in March because of a medical condition I have and lack of medical coverage. Keep in mind, I work full time (45 hours a week) and still couldn't afford to carry myself with the plans my job offered either. I also was unable to afford what the government had to offer.

I live in NY and our CH didn't ask us to walk down any aisle, didn't ask if we had any vows to share, my father didn't give me away and I definitely didn't have "wedding day jitters".

We both wore nice attire and took a couple pictures together and with our parents who came with us as witnesses. The documentation and ceremony were done within an hour!

With that said, I am planning a WEDDING next May.

A wedding is an EVENT and a MARRIAGE is a commitment and a legally binding agreement. What you do in CH is NOT what every girl dreams of.. I am sorry but this is IMO.

I think every woman deserves a DAY in her life where she is center of attention, where she feels like all eyes are on her and everyone is excited for her new life event. After all, lets be honest, the bride does a lot of work to plan a wedding and shells out a lot of money for GUESTS to celebrate with HER. Its only right she has her CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE moment. This has NOTHING  to do with being entitled because EVERY woman planning a wedding, married already or not, wants to have that moment.

I think it was unfair of the poster to put what she put on her FB "friends" status because I don't feel she realized that her "friend" probably did the CH thing first because of benefits she would need or receive from her SO being in the service. And TBH that's the way ALOT of military girlfriends do it. It sometimes is the only way it will work for the couples.

After all, would any of you ladies appreciate someone trying to spoil a day (which you would hope only happens ONCE) you've been looking forward to for quite some time?

Just giving this thread an opinion from the other side of the coin....

---
I'm sure PPs have addressed most of this by now. Apologies if I am misreading but your post seems to be describing a heteronormative relationship.
You repeatedly mention what girls dream of and the moments women want. What about the other person in this? What about your partner (male or female)? Don't men get to think about these things and decide what they do/do not want, too?

Weddings are about more than female childhood dreams. These are decisions you make TOGETHER. It is not all about the bride.
You *mutually* agreed to get married for personal reasons. This was not forced on you. But once you and your partner make that choice, you are married.

I'm the type who will probably come to your party and enjoy myself if you host it well. But it is not a wedding if you're married already, and many, many of the ladies here will tell you trying to recreate the wedding of your dreams is a very bad idea.

Ndelible

I am so sorry for your loss.  Hugs.  

sophhabobopha

kitty8403 said:

This post hit home a little for me... and not in a good way.

I married my SO of 5+ years in CH in March because of a medical condition I have and lack of medical coverage. Keep in mind, I work full time (45 hours a week) and still couldn't afford to carry myself with the plans my job offered either. I also was unable to afford what the government had to offer.

I live in NY and our CH didn't ask us to walk down any aisle, didn't ask if we had any vows to share, my father didn't give me away and I definitely didn't have "wedding day jitters".

We both wore nice attire and took a couple pictures together and with our parents who came with us as witnesses. The documentation and ceremony were done within an hour!

With that said, I am planning a WEDDING next May.

A wedding is an EVENT and a MARRIAGE is a commitment and a legally binding agreement. What you do in CH is NOT what every girl dreams of.. I am sorry but this is IMO.

What an ignorant, heteronormative statement. I dream of my CH wedding because my FI and I will be MARRIED.

I think every woman deserves a DAY in her life where she is center of attention, where she feels like all eyes are on her and everyone is excited for her new life event. After all, lets be honest, the bride does a lot of work to plan a wedding and shells out a lot of money for GUESTS to celebrate with HER. Its only right she has her CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE moment. This has NOTHING  to do with being entitled because EVERY woman planning a wedding, married already or not, wants to have that moment.

Ew, no. Just no.

I think it was unfair of the poster to put what she put on her FB "friends" status because I don't feel she realized that her "friend" probably did the CH thing first because of benefits she would need or receive from her SO being in the service. And TBH that's the way ALOT of military girlfriends do it. It sometimes is the only way it will work for the couples.

After all, would any of you ladies appreciate someone trying to spoil a day (which you would hope only happens ONCE) you've been looking forward to for quite some time?

Just giving this thread an opinion from the other side of the coin...

kitty8403

sophhabobopha said:

kitty8403 said:

mrsRAJAB said:

This post hit home a little for me... and not in a good way.

I married my SO of 5+ years in CH in March because of a medical condition I have and lack of medical coverage. Keep in mind, I work full time (45 hours a week) and still couldn't afford to carry myself with the plans my job offered either. I also was unable to afford what the government had to offer.

I live in NY and our CH didn't ask us to walk down any aisle, didn't ask if we had any vows to share, my father didn't give me away and I definitely didn't have "wedding day jitters".

We both wore nice attire and took a couple pictures together and with our parents who came with us as witnesses. The documentation and ceremony were done within an hour!

With that said, I am planning a WEDDING next May.

A wedding is an EVENT and a MARRIAGE is a commitment and a legally binding agreement. What you do in CH is NOT what every girl dreams of.. I am sorry but this is IMO.

What an ignorant, heteronormative statement. I dream of my CH wedding because my FI and I will be MARRIED.

I think every woman deserves a DAY in her life where she is center of attention, where she feels like all eyes are on her and everyone is excited for her new life event. After all, lets be honest, the bride does a lot of work to plan a wedding and shells out a lot of money for GUESTS to celebrate with HER. Its only right she has her CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE moment. This has NOTHING  to do with being entitled because EVERY woman planning a wedding, married already or not, wants to have that moment.

Ew, no. Just no.

I think it was unfair of the poster to put what she put on her FB "friends" status because I don't feel she realized that her "friend" probably did the CH thing first because of benefits she would need or receive from her SO being in the service. And TBH that's the way ALOT of military girlfriends do it. It sometimes is the only way it will work for the couples.

After all, would any of you ladies appreciate someone trying to spoil a day (which you would hope only happens ONCE) you've been looking forward to for quite some time?

Just giving this thread an opinion from the other side of the coin...

---yikes!---
@sophhabobopha‌ just to be clear, this isn't my quote. I commented on this somewhere around p. 4. If you read earlier in the thread you'll see this was a poster who drew a number of comments.

Marzipan13

TL;DR of All Our Responses:

Yes, it's true people can "do what they want".  Yes, people have and will continue to do so.
Doesn't make it right / acceptable / special.  We're just backing up the fact that lying & pretending to your friends and family is tacky and, more importantly, wrong.


We could go around in circles until Judgement Day, but we're telling you like it is & defending what it's supposed to be.

sophhabobopha

kitty8403 said:

kitty8403 said:

This post hit home a little for me... and not in a good way.

I married my SO of 5+ years in CH in March because of a medical condition I have and lack of medical coverage. Keep in mind, I work full time (45 hours a week) and still couldn't afford to carry myself with the plans my job offered either. I also was unable to afford what the government had to offer.

I live in NY and our CH didn't ask us to walk down any aisle, didn't ask if we had any vows to share, my father didn't give me away and I definitely didn't have "wedding day jitters".

We both wore nice attire and took a couple pictures together and with our parents who came with us as witnesses. The documentation and ceremony were done within an hour!

With that said, I am planning a WEDDING next May.

A wedding is an EVENT and a MARRIAGE is a commitment and a legally binding agreement. What you do in CH is NOT what every girl dreams of.. I am sorry but this is IMO.

What an ignorant, heteronormative statement. I dream of my CH wedding because my FI and I will be MARRIED.

I think every woman deserves a DAY in her life where she is center of attention, where she feels like all eyes are on her and everyone is excited for her new life event. After all, lets be honest, the bride does a lot of work to plan a wedding and shells out a lot of money for GUESTS to celebrate with HER. Its only right she has her CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE moment. This has NOTHING  to do with being entitled because EVERY woman planning a wedding, married already or not, wants to have that moment.

Ew, no. Just no.

I think it was unfair of the poster to put what she put on her FB "friends" status because I don't feel she realized that her "friend" probably did the CH thing first because of benefits she would need or receive from her SO being in the service. And TBH that's the way ALOT of military girlfriends do it. It sometimes is the only way it will work for the couples.

After all, would any of you ladies appreciate someone trying to spoil a day (which you would hope only happens ONCE) you've been looking forward to for quite some time?

Just giving this thread an opinion from the other side of the coin...

---yikes!--- @sophhabobopha‌ just to be clear, this isn't my quote. I commented on this somewhere around p. 4. If you read earlier in the thread you'll see this was a poster who drew a number of comments.

Yeah, I was trying to quote your quote and back you up. Not sure where yours went!

CC0805

I think what @Ndelible is trying to get across is that having a second wedding, and lets please not argue semantics, is a choice.  Whether the B&G are choosing to have a vow renewal with a reception, just a reception, or all the bells and whistles of a traditional wedding, it is just that, their choice. 

As long as the couple isn't lying to their guests, there is no reason to judge them so vehemently.  Disagree, find it tacky and rude, express your opinions as is your right.  Aside from that, unless you are a guest and you feel personally that it is wrong for the couple to have a 2nd wedding, there it doesn't affect you and it's unreasonable to take such offense by someone else's choice. 

Also, while here at the Knot everyone finds the idea of the so called PPD incredibly rude and tacky, this isn't the case for everyone.  As I have mentioned two dear friends of mine recently got married at the CH.  They didn't need insurance, they just decided that they didn't want wait until the summer.  They are thrilled with their decision, and I can assure you that none of their friends and family (of those that I've spoken to and know personally) were offended or found it rude.  Everyone was happy for them, and I'm sure anyone who isn't just wont come in the summer. 

My point is, while some people find it rude and tacky, not everyone does.  It's just a matter of personal opinion, something everyone is entitled to without being judged.

VulgarGirl

CC0805 said:

I think what @Ndelible is trying to get across is that having a second wedding, and lets please not argue semantics, is a choice.  Whether the B&G are choosing to have a vow renewal with a reception, just a reception, or all the bells and whistles of a traditional wedding, it is just that, their choice. 

As long as the couple isn't lying to their guests, there is no reason to judge them so vehemently.  Disagree, find it tacky and rude, express your opinions as is your right.  Aside from that, unless you are a guest and you feel personally that it is wrong for the couple to have a 2nd wedding, there it doesn't affect you and it's unreasonable to take such offense by someone else's choice. 

Also, while here at the Knot everyone finds the idea of the so called PPD incredibly rude and tacky, this isn't the case for everyone.  As I have mentioned two dear friends of mine recently got married at the CH.  They didn't need insurance, they just decided that they didn't want wait until the summer.  They are thrilled with their decision, and I can assure you that none of their friends and family (of those that I've spoken to and know personally) were offended or found it rude.  Everyone was happy for them, and I'm sure anyone who isn't just wont come in the summer. 

My point is, while some people find it rude and tacky, not everyone does.  It's just a matter of personal opinion, something everyone is entitled to without being judged.

Getting married at the courthouse is fine. I personally think courthouse weddings are fantastic.

Getting married at the courthouse and then later having another fucking wedding because the courthouse "isn't good enough" or "doesn't count" or "didn't make you feel like magical special princess with a sparkle wand up her ass" is not ok. Because some of us don't get to be legally protected in our state. So scoffing at the legal protection you get to have as "not good enough" is downright rude and offensive. You get one wedding (unless you get divorced), you don't keep having weddings until you feel special enough. If you don't feel special, seek therapy. Not weddings.