Weddings and kids--seriously, isn't enough enough?

kitty8403

Made the mistake of calmly telling FMIL that I was not including local children on my guest list and got the usual "they won't eat much and can sit on my lap" BS. This attitude is driving me crazy.
There are seven kids belonging to wedding party members. Another 20 or so extended family children on my side alone. All non-related OOT guests with kids who have to drive at least an hour are invite to the wedding. I'm already looking at 30-40+ kids, and that's not even counting the little ones belonging to distant cousins of hers. (Seriously.) It's ridiculous to imply that we are anti-child or being unfair.
I really am sick of bumping adults to allow for children. I don't see why another dozen or more kids who we are not especially close to should be invited over our adult friends. FI is supportive and I'm trying to get over it, but this really has me in a pissy mood.

Edit: I was informed that if we had too many guests, somebody could run out and order pizza. I can't even begin to list all the things I find wrong with that position.

Inkdancer

I would be mad too.

pinkcow13

Run out and get pizza?? Geez. I too would be annoyed.

larrygaga

People hate the idea that their little special babies aren't always welcome everywhere. 

HisGirlFriday13

Have wine. Have LOTS of wine. Because, yeah, your FMIL is being totally unreasonable, and you know that, but you can't stop her from thinking what she's thinking. 

(Run out and get pizza?? WTF is this, a frat party?)

Stand your ground. It sounds like you're being more than reasonably accommodating, and she can either like it or not, but it's not her decision.

offthemarket915

larrygaga said:

People hate the idea that their little special babies aren't always welcome everywhere. 

This.  We are hosting a golf outing the morning of our wedding and FI had to explain to his family why his neice can't play.  There are activities for the handful of family kids that are attending, but a 9 hole golf scramble isn't one of them.  They seemed baffled but aren't the types to argue or push back so they didn't say much.  But I'm still annoyed that they assumed she would play and put us in the awkward situation of having to say no.  I'm sure all FI's friends who are very competitive would just LOVE having a 7 yr screwing around on the golf course during a competition.  SMH.

kitty8403

@HisGirl, thank you. I love her to pieces but this one thing is just sending me up the wall. I'd probably feel more generous were it not for the fact that I already think being pressured to include certain parents is pushing it. Now I'm supposed to add their kids, too?  

HisGirlFriday13

kitty8403 said:

@HisGirl, thank you. I love her to pieces but this one thing is just sending me up the wall. I'd probably feel more generous were it not for the fact that I already think being pressured to include certain parents is pushing it. Now I'm supposed to add their kids, too?  

DH's grandmother insisted on inviting 'her' relatives (who are also, obvs, DH's relatives, but most of them he couldn't pick out of a line-up.) Then when they all declined, she wanted to B-list invite people from her Sunday school group, arguing, 'Well, these seats are mine to invite whoever I want, and this is who I want.'

Uhm, no. We GRACIOUSLY took into consideration the people you wanted to have invited and invited many of them out of courtesy. That's not the same thing as straight-up GIVING you X number of invites to do whatever you want with.

Also, B-listing is rude, so no. 

[Note: This will only work if you haven't sent out STDates or invites yet]: I'd turn it back on your FMIL and say, 'OK, if it's important to you that these people be invited as an all-or-nothing social unit, then I'm going to have to go with 'nothing' and NONE of them will be invited. That solves that problem!'

Then when she splutters and gets all flustered, you can say, 'If you want the parents there, you will accept the fact that we are not inviting their children. It's really that simple.'

wrigleyville

It doesn't matter if "they won't eat much". My mother pulled that exact same crap, so I showed her exactly how much I'd have to pay to feed children (the catering fee was $40-ish per kid). I explained caterers don't charge based on how much food you eat; they charge per head.

Once she realized I'd be in the hole for about $1200 extra, she backed off.

Also, anyone who says kids can "just sit on laps" has obviously never held a wiggly four-year old for four hours (or has forgotten what it's like).

doeydo

IMO, you and your FI need to sit her down.  Tell her you have finalized the guest list and that is it.  If there aren't some children on there that she thinks should be on there, tough shit.  Discussion is closed.

theexactlee

Thank you a million times over for this post. I can't agree more. We had planned to invite all the children of our friends but then the kids ate our guest list. So now it's my children (2), kids traveling from out of state (3 which includes my niece and nephew) and the one child of my attendant. All local kids are not invited.