Mormon wedding

freya025

My brother has decided that he is going to propose to his girlfriend who is Mormon. She has told him that she wants to get married in the temple, so he has decided to convert to her religion. From what I understand anyone who isn't of that religion cannot attend the wedding in the temple. Also, I thought they were very strict about who can actually get married there. She has had a child out of wedlock (sweetest little boy on earth, and I can't wait to be his aunt!) and from what I understand of Mormonism, this is a big no no. I am worried she is going to get her hopes up only to be let down. Can anyone enlighten me on the traditions of Mormon weddings?

I would appreciate any information you can give me...thanks.

NYCMercedes

freya025 said:

My brother has decided that he is going to propose to his girlfriend who is Mormon. She has told him that she wants to get married in the temple, so he has decided to convert to her religion. From what I understand anyone who isn't of that religion cannot attend the wedding in the temple. Also, I thought they were very strict about who can actually get married there. She has had a child out of wedlock (sweetest little boy on earth, and I can't wait to be his aunt!) and from what I understand of Mormonism, this is a big no no. I am worried she is going to get her hopes up only to be let down. Can anyone enlighten me on the traditions of Mormon weddings?

I would appreciate any information you can give me...thanks.

I have no hard facts to answer your Mormon questions, but I think it's strange you're wondering about how her religion receives her after the birth of her child and whether her religion will allow her to be married in their temple. Those are their issues.

CMGragain

There are two kind of marriages in the LDS temple.  The most binding one requires the couple to affirm that they are virgins.  That will not be possible for your brother's girlfriend.  There is another form of marriage that can be done, a civil marriage in the temple.
Usually Mormon couples have a private ceremony, followed by a public reception for everyone, which is not much different than other brides having private ceremonies and large receptions.

http://www.ehow.com/info_12113177_rules-civil-wedding-ceremony-mormon-church.html

Please don't use that blue font.  It is obnoxious, and hard to read.

HisGirlFriday13

What her religion dictates isn't your concern, it's hers and her FI's.

However, your brother shouldn't convert unless he's really sure this is what he wants, spiritually, forever.

And to answer your other question, my very minimal understanding is that non-Mormons are not allowed in the Temple for any reason, including the ceremony.

I don't know if that's for all Mormon weddings or just some of them. Maybe @shrekspeare can help?

ETF grammar

emmyg65

None of this is your business. If your brother wants to convert, that's his decision. And since he hasn't even proposed yet, let alone begun planning the wedding, you have no idea what the ceremony will be. Try to be patient and keep an open mind.

doeydo

Only Mormons who are very "good" can get approved to enter the temple.  Non-Mormons are not allowed to enter.  I was raised LDS, and they would not ever judge a child for being born out of wedlock!  Yes, sex out of marriage is a big sin with them, but lots of people in that religion have pasts that involve drugs, alcohol, and other things that are considered sins.  A lot of people get married in the temple with whatever family members can come, then have another ceremony in which everyone can attend and a reception afterwards.  
Does he know what all entails of converting to Mormonism and being approved to enter the temple?  Is he prepared to be baptized and live as a Mormon for the rest of his life?  

Fairyjen1

      A good friend of mine and his wife are LDS and I am not. I went to their wedding reception. As others have stated, you will not be able to attend their ceremony. This couple also didn't have most of us wait at the temple. We were only invited to the reception which was held at a restaurant. 

     It was truly one of the most enjoyable weddings I have attended. It had a slight Arabian Nights theme, both bride and groom are involved in theater so they are a bit theatrical. It wasn't over the top with the theme, but the decor and food definitely hinted at it. It was a dry wedding, but plenty of non-alcoholic beverages were provided. They had a whole Italian soda bar and hired a belly dance troupe who entertained and then a swing band and we all danced. I don't think anyone missed having alcohol, I know I didn't. I suppose someone could go to the restaurant bar (reception was in the rather large banquet room and the rest of the restaurant was open for business as usual) but as a guest that would have been rude on my part. 

   I think this is one of those cases where a tiered ceremony and then reception is acceptable. 

CMGragain

@Fairyjen1, it isn't a tiered ceremony at all!  It is simply a private ceremony, followed by a large reception.  There is nothing wrong with that, Mormon, or not.  Many brides do this.

Fairyjen1

      Good to know! I have seen people question on other boards when people have a small ceremony and a larger reception and they'll get questioned as to why they don't just invite everyone to both even if it means cutting your guest list or making it a C&P reception. Mormon weddings are one exception I would think wouldn't get questioned. 

    I guess I knew it wasn't considered rude, but, like dry weddings, there seems to be a sense of 'It's not as good' on these boards. Even if it's not against etiquette.

    We considered it ourselves (private ceremony, larger AHR) However I didn't want to plan a large party . They are common in my family, but my family are no paragons of etiquette. 

freya025

Thank you @shrekspeare, I really appreciate your answer!! It has helped me understand the process a bit more. I think people are misunderstanding my question, and thinking that I am being judgmental because of her son. The reason I even mentioned that is because of what I have heard, and I think my brothers girlfriend is amazing and don't want her to be upset if those rumors turned out to be true. As I also don't know very much about the religion, I was just curious as to what their wedding traditions might entail. While I get most of you say that this is all "their issue", they have talked about what they would want if they ever got married openly with the family from the beginning and asked for our input, which I cant very well give if I don't understand the facts. Thank you everyone who gave me positive feedback and information!

Teddy917

shrekspeare said:

freya025 said:

My brother has decided that he is going to propose to his girlfriend who is Mormon. She has told him that she wants to get married in the temple, so he has decided to convert to her religion. From what I understand anyone who isn't of that religion cannot attend the wedding in the temple. Also, I thought they were very strict about who can actually get married there. She has had a child out of wedlock (sweetest little boy on earth, and I can't wait to be his aunt!) and from what I understand of Mormonism, this is a big no no. I am worried she is going to get her hopes up only to be let down. Can anyone enlighten me on the traditions of Mormon weddings?

I would appreciate any information you can give me...thanks.

Hello friend! Ex Mormon and current resident of Utah here. I can advise you of these things! I will also tag you, @freya025

First off, I don't know if your bother has already converted or is in the process of, so I'll kind of go over everything that will happen.

The main thing you need to understand is that what happens in the temple is super secret. It's likely your brother and his wife will not share with anyone what goes on in the temple, however some of those who have been in the temple have posted their full experiences online. If you're truly interested, you can google such things, but be aware your family will likely not discuss what goes on in the temple even if you are informed.

Your brother will convert. This will include taking lessons from missionaries and getting baptized in the church. This takes about two months.

Your brother and his girlfriend will then talk to their Bishop or Stake President about getting married in the Church. They will go through separate interviews to determine their 'worthiness' and probably go through a couple's interview. 

Providing they 'pass' their interview, both parties will have to go through an endowment ceremony in the temple which is incredibly secretive. There will be a waiting period of at least six months, maybe more depending on the 'sins' of a person. I.e. FBIL grabbed his Fi's boob and they had to wait 6 months before getting married.

Now. Most LDS women talk about being married in the temple, but are actually talking about being sealed in the temple, which is two different things. Your brother and his girlfriend can be married in the temple, and depending on the Bishop or Stake President, can be sealed together then in a separate room. If they are not sealed together at the time of the wedding, they can likely be sealed together as a family with her child.

As for the ceremony, only those who are LDS AND have a temple recommend can attend. Your brother and his girlfriend will enter the temple, sit in chairs facing each other, repeat their vows in front of the few guests (I think current regulations is 10 maximum), and then be whisked away for sealing. You as a guest, will likely sit outside the temple for an hour to an hour and a half while this happens. You are permitted to enter the temple to use the restroom, or wait in the lobby. Do not smoke, drink, swear, or wear immodest clothing (which is really relative) on temple grounds, otherwise you'll be asked to leave.

When the couple are married or married and sealed, they will come out of the temple, and will most likely take photos around the temple
grounds. Traditionally, the bride and groom have
their reception at the local church gymnasium.

If you have any other questions, feel free to PM me!

You're almost right. There is only ONE type of wedding ceremony that happens IN the temple. If the couple was not married in the first place, it marries them legally and seals them all in one. The other one you're thinking of is a civil ceremony like many non LDS brides also do. That can happen anywhere just not in the temple. If they decide to later be sealed in the temple they can be later. And we don't talk about very much of it because it's sacred to us, it's not secret though.

Jen4948

@KnotPorscha