3 weeks before weddig...BM gown doesnt fit! Advice?

LAM524

Good morning all! A dear friend who is also a one of my bridesmaids recently informed me that her gown does not fit! She has had it almost 2 months and only tried it on last week. Her worst fear proved true. It does not fit. She has gained 20+ lbs. She plans on seeing a seamstress this week. She does not know this, but I spoke to 2 seamstress about it (different stores).  They asked me questions and I showed them a pic. Both told me that it could not be altered to a bigger size!! I am so heart broken for her (at the thought she will be told this)!

Before I spoke with seamstresses, I told "M" that if she felt more comfortable (arms) she could add drop sleeves and maybe even a corset back. She expressed that she didnt want to be obviously different then the other bridesmaids.

So, I am here with a though/question! My MOH (sis) is wearing a different gown. Im wondering if we get another different gown Off rack-same color) for "M" is there a different "title" I can give her? Then there would be "reason" for the difference! I cant make her another MOH...that would hurt my sister but is there something else? I know this is all semantics....but in this case, I believe it would help her. She doesnt want to drop from wedding and there is no way we can order the same gown in a bigger size (only 3 weeks till wedding) so Im trying to be creative here!!!

Hoping to have a "save" to offer up if/when she is told that nothing can be done to her gown!

Maggie0829

Good morning all! A dear friend who is also a one of my bridesmaids recently informed me that her gown does not fit! She has had it almost 2 months and only tried it on last week. Her worst fear proved true. It does not fit. She has gained 20+ lbs. She plans on seeing a seamstress this week. She does not know this, but I spoke to 2 seamstress about it (different stores).  They asked me questions and I showed them a pic. Both told me that it could not be altered to a bigger size!! I am so heart broken for her (at the thought she will be told this)!

Before I spoke with seamstresses, I told "M" that if she felt more comfortable (arms) she could add drop sleeves and maybe even a corset back. She expressed that she didnt want to be obviously different then the other bridesmaids.

So, I am here with a though/question! My MOH (sis) is wearing a different gown. Im wondering if we get another different gown Off rack-same color) for "M" is there a different "title" I can give her? Then there would be "reason" for the difference! I cant make her another MOH...that would hurt my sister but is there something else? I know this is all semantics....but in this case, I believe it would help her. She doesnt want to drop from wedding and there is no way we can order the same gown in a bigger size (only 3 weeks till wedding) so Im trying to be creative here!!!

Hoping to have a "save" to offer up if/when she is told that nothing can be done to her gown!

She doesn't want to be different from the other BMs but you think making up a random title since she will be wearing a different dress would make her feel better?  I doubt it.  I think you need to just talk to your friend.  Let her know that it doesn't matter what she wears that you want her up there with you on your wedding day.  But in the end it is her decision as to what she does.  Think trying to think of a different title will make her feel like she is sticking out even more then if she had a different dress.  Let this be your BMs decision on what she would like to do.

LDay2014

LAM524 said:

Good morning all! A dear friend who is also a one of my bridesmaids recently informed me that her gown does not fit! She has had it almost 2 months and only tried it on last week. Her worst fear proved true. It does not fit. She has gained 20+ lbs. She plans on seeing a seamstress this week. She does not know this, but I spoke to 2 seamstress about it (different stores).  They asked me questions and I showed them a pic. Both told me that it could not be altered to a bigger size!! I am so heart broken for her (at the thought she will be told this)!

Before I spoke with seamstresses, I told "M" that if she felt more comfortable (arms) she could add drop sleeves and maybe even a corset back. She expressed that she didnt want to be obviously different then the other bridesmaids.

So, I am here with a though/question! My MOH (sis) is wearing a different gown. Im wondering if we get another different gown Off rack-same color) for "M" is there a different "title" I can give her? Then there would be "reason" for the difference! I cant make her another MOH...that would hurt my sister but is there something else? I know this is all semantics....but in this case, I believe it would help her. She doesnt want to drop from wedding and there is no way we can order the same gown in a bigger size (only 3 weeks till wedding) so Im trying to be creative here!!!

Hoping to have a "save" to offer up if/when she is told that nothing can be done to her gown!

NO! You can't give her a fake title because she can't fit in her dress. I would find that terribly offensive...for her! Let her talk to the seamstress on her own.  There may be a solution, or see if you can rush a new dress order.  There's always ways to fix things but singling her out because she put on weight is not going to help...

delujm0

I know this girl is your friend and she feels terrible, but this is her own fault.  She obviously could tell that she was gaining weight (20 pounds isn't a small amount and would be easily noticible unless she's about 6'5'').  Despite this, she has had the dress in her possession for 2 months and hasn't even bothered to try to find a solution until 3 weeks before the wedding.

 

Unless you are fine with having one BM wearing a differet dress than the others (and she would have to be comfortable about that as well, which it sounds like she isn't given her responses to your suggestions above), she has probably taken herself out of the wedding party. Just ask her what she wants to do.  If she can't get the exact dress fixed, tell her that she is welcome to either buy a dress in the same color off-rack (if you're ok with that), or she can just be a guest.

 

Quite frankly, it souds like she's looking for a way out of the wedding party, otherwise she would have tried on the dress earlier.  Is it possible that she's embarassed about her recent weight gain and doesn't want to be on display/in pictures?  And is there something going on in her personal life that caused her to gain this weight recently? It sounds like she needs your support in a non-wedding-related way right now.

JaxInBlue

Agree with Maggie and LDay.  Reiterate to M that having her there with you matters more than the dress she is wearing.  Let her talk to the seamstress she is most comfortable using and see what her options are going to be.  If the dress isn't fixable as is, let her wear any dress in the same color or see if you can find the dress you picked in the right size through eBay or one of the pre-owned sites or classified boards.

Depending on the color and material, and how much work is needed to resize the dress, it may also be worth a trip to the fabric store to see if buying extra material would allow a seamstress to make and add panels to the original dress.

But I definitely agree this is M's decision to make - including choosing to do nothing and thus stepping down - and she shouldn't be given a fake honorary title or anything like that.

HisGirlFriday13

Please do not make up a title for her. That's not going to solve the problem.

Sit her down and tell her that it matters more to you that she's there with you on your big day than what she's wearing.

How many BMs are you having? If she changes her dress, and the MOH is in another dress, are there then still two BMs who would be in matching dresses? If you can have them all in different dresses, it won't look weird, it will look planned.

If you are having other BMs, can you go to one of them, privately, and explain there was a mishap with the dress (don't say what it is) and you'd really appreciate it if she would wear a different dress than the one she bought -- you'll pay for it, of course -- so that it looks like the mis-matching was planned.

If a bride friend came to me three weeks before her wedding and asked this, and offered to pay for the dress, I would do it, no questions asked. 

I agree, though, that it's M's decision. Her choices are:

1. Wear a different dress entirely, in the same colour palette, and co-ordinate but not match.

2. Have the dress altered, thus looking different than the other BMs. With three weeks to go, though, this is a risky move.

3. Drop out of the wedding, which it sounds like she might want to do but doesn't know how to tell you that.

syoun1nj

delujm0 said:

I know this girl is your friend and she feels terrible, but this is her own fault.  She obviously could tell that she was gaining weight (20 pounds isn't a small amount and would be easily noticible unless she's about 6'5'').  

Not everyone can control their weight gain. Medications or medical problems often make it nearly impossible or very difficult to lose any weight. We don't know the situation for this girl and we don't know if it's "her own fault."

pinkshorts27

syoun1nj said:

delujm0 said:

I know this girl is your friend and she feels terrible, but this is her own fault.  She obviously could tell that she was gaining weight (20 pounds isn't a small amount and would be easily noticible unless she's about 6'5'').  

Not everyone can control their weight gain. Medications or medical problems often make it nearly impossible or very difficult to lose any weight. We don't know the situation for this girl and we don't know if it's "her own fault."

And shit. It is hard. I've gained weight, knew I was gaining weight and couldn't stop it. Eating unhealthy can be an addictive behaviour and mine stems from mild depression. I'm am emotional eater. When you are depressed and gaining weight, it is hard to stop. I still don't have my shit together.
I guarantee I wouldn't be thinking about being a bridesmaid. I don't think it was intentional. Gaining that much weight, I would think that something is going on.if I were her, I would be embarrassed and ashamed. Trust me, I've been there. Then you have people in your life telling you that you don't look good anymore and that you need to lose weight. Clearly you know that, but it isn't that easy.

LAM524

Thanks all-this is why I love you guys!!!!  The reason I was thinking different title was because she said she wasnt the MOH and will be listed as BM, so she cant look different. I thought different title-different gown-she would feel its acceptable and be more comfortable. Oh wel! My next thought was-off the rack gown!

 I do recognize she feels uncomfortable with her weight and did have many heart to hearts with her...non wedding relating...trying to build her up. This morning, I spoke with her after she text that she is angry and upset with herself and worried about gown not working out.  I told her that I understand her and if she felt she wanted to step down, I would totally understand but first things first and advised she go ASAP. She INSISTS that she wants to stand up with me/us. We are very close and I believe her. Also, her husband and 3 children are in it, and I know she wants to have this experience with them also.

@delujmo...she started a new-wonderful job supervising children in foster care during visitations with family members. She also picks them up/drop them off..and brings them to doctors appts etc. So she is literally sitting all day...and driving all day. She started eating/snacking during the car rides which can be 3 hrs at one trip (round). She did know she gained weight and that is exactly why she avoided putting it on! Avoidance! (I actually was nervous because the gain is very obvious in her gut area). Actually, I dont know how long she would have waited. When I found out I urged her to bite the bullet and try it on.

@HisGirlFriday13..there are 7 BM's. Great idea in asking one to switch but I'd have to ask more then one and I know they would but I simply just can not afford to purchase them at this point. Ugh! I just feel so bad for her. I know what that feels like!

HisGirlFriday13

OK, well, with 7 BMs, my suggestion is not really feasible.

The only option, at this point, would be to make her a co-MOH, and put her in a different dress because of that.

It's not an ideal solution, and it might offend your sister/MOH, or it might offend other BMs, and I'm not sure I'd do it if it were me, but it's an option.

I'm sorry. (((HUGS)))

Grabows14

Was in a wedding with the same situation (see my prior discussions). The corset back WILL NOT take away ANYTHING from your day. Just have her get it done so it fits. 

Inkdancer

I went to a wedding that had a Maid of Honor and a Best Woman. It was a perfect title for the two sisters and none of the other BMs were bothered by it. Maybe try that?

LAM524

Yes @ Grabows14..I def. agree and suggested that. Again, she said she didnt want to look different. So...if it comes down to it..and corset can be done....I will attempt to make her comfortable with this choice. If she doesnt come around, then I will suggest another gown purchase but that expense will have to be hers.

OliveOilsMom

I would look into purchasing a used dress ASAP.  It can be a back up plan if the alterations with a seamstress don't work.  Tell her you don't care what alterations have to be made (corset or added panels) but you want her to stand up for you.

nsweare

Have you tried the bridal shop you ordered the dresses from? Sometimes they have the dress that they use for trying on that you can buy off the rack. I did that once. I ordered the size 8. It was a little tight. Rather than pay to have it taken out last minute the store switched me for the size 10 they had for trying on purposes. It's a long shot, but might work.

PrettyGirlLost

LAM524 said:

Thanks all-this is why I love you guys!!!!  The reason I was thinking different title was because she said she wasnt the MOH and will be listed as BM, so she cant look different. I thought different title-different gown-she would feel its acceptable and be more comfortable. Oh wel! My next thought was-off the rack gown!

 I do recognize she feels uncomfortable with her weight and did have many heart to hearts with her...non wedding relating...trying to build her up. This morning, I spoke with her after she text that she is angry and upset with herself and worried about gown not working out.  I told her that I understand her and if she felt she wanted to step down, I would totally understand but first things first and advised she go ASAP. She INSISTS that she wants to stand up with me/us. We are very close and I believe her. Also, her husband and 3 children are in it, and I know she wants to have this experience with them also.

@delujmo...she started a new-wonderful job supervising children in foster care during visitations with family members. She also picks them up/drop them off..and brings them to doctors appts etc. So she is literally sitting all day...and driving all day. She started eating/snacking during the car rides which can be 3 hrs at one trip (round). She did know she gained weight and that is exactly why she avoided putting it on! Avoidance! (I actually was nervous because the gain is very obvious in her gut area). Actually, I dont know how long she would have waited. When I found out I urged her to bite the bullet and try it on.

@HisGirlFriday13..there are 7 BM's. Great idea in asking one to switch but I'd have to ask more then one and I know they would but I simply just can not afford to purchase them at this point. Ugh! I just feel so bad for her. I know what that feels like!

Huh?

The MOH does not have to have a totally different dress from all the other BMS, and the BMs don't all have to be in the exact same dress.  SO what if this friend has a dress that doesn't match the other BMs?  No one is going to care.

Titles are just words in the program.  There's no difference between the MOH and the BMs anyways, unless you are having a Catholic ceremony and the MOH is the only one to stand at the altar with you.  Otherwise they all do the exact same thing- hold a bouquet and walk down an aisle.

syoun1nj

Have you tried searching ebay or other preowned dress sites for the dress in the size she needs?

MuppetOverlord

For my friend's wedding, one BM was pregnant and ordered one size up from her usual dress. She was told several times this was probably not going to work and that it's better to order too big than too small. She didn't. She waited till 2 weeks before the wedding to try it on. She couldn't get into it...obviously and it was not alterable.

We went to the bridal shop and they had something in stock that fit, different dress, same color, same mfg. She grabbed it.

I don't think anyone cared that she was in a different dress. The bride was happy. We didn't change her title.

I think it's an acceptable option to offer if she can't get it altered. Otherwise, she won't be in your wedding.

daveANDkristen

Ditto the suggestion of looking for a gently used dress.  We can help you if you tell us what dress/color/size you need.

NavyBlue143

PrettyGirlLost said:

LAM524 said:

Thanks all-this is why I love you guys!!!!  The reason I was thinking different title was because she said she wasnt the MOH and will be listed as BM, so she cant look different. I thought different title-different gown-she would feel its acceptable and be more comfortable. Oh wel! My next thought was-off the rack gown!

 I do recognize she feels uncomfortable with her weight and did have many heart to hearts with her...non wedding relating...trying to build her up. This morning, I spoke with her after she text that she is angry and upset with herself and worried about gown not working out.  I told her that I understand her and if she felt she wanted to step down, I would totally understand but first things first and advised she go ASAP. She INSISTS that she wants to stand up with me/us. We are very close and I believe her. Also, her husband and 3 children are in it, and I know she wants to have this experience with them also.

@delujmo...she started a new-wonderful job supervising children in foster care during visitations with family members. She also picks them up/drop them off..and brings them to doctors appts etc. So she is literally sitting all day...and driving all day. She started eating/snacking during the car rides which can be 3 hrs at one trip (round). She did know she gained weight and that is exactly why she avoided putting it on! Avoidance! (I actually was nervous because the gain is very obvious in her gut area). Actually, I dont know how long she would have waited. When I found out I urged her to bite the bullet and try it on.

@HisGirlFriday13..there are 7 BM's. Great idea in asking one to switch but I'd have to ask more then one and I know they would but I simply just can not afford to purchase them at this point. Ugh! I just feel so bad for her. I know what that feels like!

Huh?

The MOH does not have to have a totally different dress from all the other BMS, and the BMs don't all have to be in the exact same dress.  SO what if this friend has a dress that doesn't match the other BMs?  No one is going to care.

Titles are just words in the program.  There's no difference between the MOH and the BMs anyways, unless you are having a Catholic ceremony and the MOH is the only one to stand at the altar with you.  Otherwise they all do the exact same thing- hold a bouquet and walk down an aisle.


I think she's saying her BM doesn't want to look different, not that she ( the bride) doesn't want the BM to look different.

IMathlete

One of my BMs has gained weight since the ordering of dresses, too. She can get in the dress, but not really move around. We will use extra material from another BM's dress to add panels if we have to. Otherwise, she can wear anything she likes. To me, and this is just my opinion, it is better for her to stand with me than wear the dress. However, I completely understand not wanting someone to not be in "the" dress. In my case, each of my maids picked their own dress, in my color, so I would just check bridal shops to find her an off-the-rack one if I could.

delujm0

syoun1nj said:

delujm0 said:

I know this girl is your friend and she feels terrible, but this is her own fault.  She obviously could tell that she was gaining weight (20 pounds isn't a small amount and would be easily noticible unless she's about 6'5'').  

Not everyone can control their weight gain. Medications or medical problems often make it nearly impossible or very difficult to lose any weight. We don't know the situation for this girl and we don't know if it's "her own fault."

Y'all...by not quoting my whole statement you're taking this out of context.  i didn't mean it was "her own fault" that she gained 20 pounds.  i mean that it was "her own fault" that she was aware she gained 20 pounds and instead of trying on her dress when it arrived 2 months ago, or even a month ago, she waited until 3 weeks before the wedding to deal with it, when it would clearly be too late.  I completely understand that spare weight tends to creep up on you occassionally...but chances are if the dress she was measured for no longer fits, she has likely been noticing that some of her other clothing doesn't fit right now either.  Point being, she could have been proactive about the dress situation until waiting for the last minute to deal with it.

 

i stand by my suggestion: if she'd be ok wearing a different dress, let her.  however it does sound like she was uncomfortable looking different when OP made the suggestion of sleeves or a corset back, so she might not be ok with a different dress.  in which case she has taken herself out of the wedding party.  in that event, reiterate how much she means to you and how happy you are to have her as a guest.  if you have a reading you haven't assigned yet, maybe ask her to do that.

foxish

If she can get it in a close color, I don't see this as being a big deal.  I once was at a wedding where they were coming from all over the country so they just picked a color and length and whatever dress.  5 BM and a MOH and 3 of them had the same dress so two said they felt weird because they were "the odd ones out."  NO ONE NOTICED.

LAM524  I feel for you.  I do.  You have a lot going on.  But I think that the best thing for you is to let the BM handle this situation.  Tell her you don't care if panels are added, corset back is added, whatever.  Because no one will care or notice.  If she wants to find a new dress off rack, get it altered, whatever.  Then don't worry about it at all.  If she shows up in a dress that matches, great, she stands up front.  If not, then she can attend as a guest.  Don't try to read anything into her intentions or try to interpret them.  If you let all these problems get you worried or worked up, it distracts from the main event - you marrying your FI.

kbsmom1

Try ordering extra fabric from the dress company.... We did that for a pregnant BM and put on panels... No one knew the difference:)

hyechica81

she needs to take the dress to the seemstress to see what can be done just showing a photo  really does not work because they would have to see the dress in person..


one of my maids cant get hers zipped up it stops right at where the bra band connects, shes taking it to a seemstress where she lives ( shes out of state) to see if anything can be let out a bit

Maggie0829

foxish said:

If she can get it in a close color, I don't see this as being a big deal.  I once was at a wedding where they were coming from all over the country so they just picked a color and length and whatever dress.  5 BM and a MOH and 3 of them had the same dress so two said they felt weird because they were "the odd ones out."  NO ONE NOTICED.

LAM524  I feel for you.  I do.  You have a lot going on.  But I think that the best thing for you is to let the BM handle this situation.  Tell her you don't care if panels are added, corset back is added, whatever.  Because no one will care or notice.  If she wants to find a new dress off rack, get it altered, whatever.  Then don't worry about it at all.  If she shows up in a dress that matches, great, she stands up front.  If not, then she can attend as a guest.  Don't try to read anything into her intentions or try to interpret them.  If you let all these problems get you worried or worked up, it distracts from the main event - you marrying your FI.

This.  At some point you just have to throw up your hands and step away.  In the end this is on your BM.  She is the one who waited so late and she is the one not willing to wear something slightly different (which is not a big issue) to stand up in your wedding.  Just let her deal with it.

theexactlee

I realize I am new here and you guys are going to find out I'm super laid back about this stuff. I don't know, maybe it's because I'm old (not that old 33 y/o). However this particular matter is one where I am apparently an a-hole. I'm a fat girl, I just am. My weight constantly fluctuates due to medication. I can be 40+ bigger and smaller at any point and quickly at that. If I were a bridesmaid I would absolutely purchase a size or maybe 2 up so that it could be altered down if necessary.

IMHO this wonderful friend has unfortunately earned herself a ticket into the audience. You can't have one bridesmaid in a different dress than everyone else, that will look quite odd. I think it is time to have a heart to heart and tell her that while you love her very much, she made a poor decision and you'd love to honor her in a different way and then maybe take a few special pictures with her where you pay for them and have one framed as a gift. Or something. I'm sure you'll figure it out.

pinkshorts27

theexactlee said:

I realize I am new here and you guys are going to find out I'm super laid back about this stuff. I don't know, maybe it's because I'm old (not that old 33 y/o). However this particular matter is one where I am apparently an a-hole. I'm a fat girl, I just am. My weight constantly fluctuates due to medication. I can be 40+ bigger and smaller at any point and quickly at that. If I were a bridesmaid I would absolutely purchase a size or maybe 2 up so that it could be altered down if necessary.

IMHO this wonderful friend has unfortunately earned herself a ticket into the audience. You can't have one bridesmaid in a different dress than everyone else, that will look quite odd. I think it is time to have a heart to heart and tell her that while you love her very much, she made a poor decision and you'd love to honor her in a different way and then maybe take a few special pictures with her where you pay for them and have one framed as a gift. Or something. I'm sure you'll figure it out.

Who the fuck cares if she is wearing a different dress. Your BMs are not chosen to wear a fucking dress. They are chosen because they are your nearest and dearest and you want them to stand up for you. That is the purpose of a bridal party. Not matching dresses, not gender, not even sides.  Let the friend wear whatever the fuck she wants and support her because she is your friend and it wasn't an intentional dis at the bride. Shit happens. Be an understanding and caring friend. 

Damn, I told all my girls to get navy floor length dresses and if one showed up in a shorter dress or different color, my parents would have a heart attack, but I would still let her stand up with me. Each and every one of these girls is there because I love them and they support my FI and I. Why the fuck would I get hung up on what she is wearing? It affects me in no way.

short+sassy

Would adding a corset back to the dress help?  I know she said she didn't want to do that because then the dress would be "different" than everybody else's, but what if 1-2 of the other BMs would be willing to add a corset back to their dresses (with you offering to pay for the additional alteration, of course)?  Then it would look more like it was an option that some BMs chose and some didn't.

Personally, I do find it a little weird your friend isn't willing for her dress to be a bit different in order to solve the problem.  If I were a guest, it would barely register if BM's dresses were slightly different from each other.  I certainly wouldn't think something like, "Oh, look at that BM who is the only one with a corset back.  What's wrong with her/dress?"

PrettyGirlLost

pinkshorts27 said:

theexactlee said:

I realize I am new here and you guys are going to find out I'm super laid back about this stuff. I don't know, maybe it's because I'm old (not that old 33 y/o). However this particular matter is one where I am apparently an a-hole. I'm a fat girl, I just am. My weight constantly fluctuates due to medication. I can be 40+ bigger and smaller at any point and quickly at that. If I were a bridesmaid I would absolutely purchase a size or maybe 2 up so that it could be altered down if necessary.

IMHO this wonderful friend has unfortunately earned herself a ticket into the audience. You can't have one bridesmaid in a different dress than everyone else, that will look quite odd. I think it is time to have a heart to heart and tell her that while you love her very much, she made a poor decision and you'd love to honor her in a different way and then maybe take a few special pictures with her where you pay for them and have one framed as a gift. Or something. I'm sure you'll figure it out.

Who the fuck cares if she is wearing a different dress. Your BMs are not chosen to wear a fucking dress. They are chosen because they are your nearest and dearest and you want them to stand up for you. That is the purpose of a bridal party. Not matching dresses, not gender, not even sides.  Let the friend wear whatever the fuck she wants and support her because she is your friend and it wasn't an intentional dis at the bride. Shit happens. Be an understanding and caring friend. 

Damn, I told all my girls to get navy floor length dresses and if one showed up in a shorter dress or different color, my parents would have a heart attack, but I would still let her stand up with me. Each and every one of these girls is there because I love them and they support my FI and I. Why the fuck would I get hung up on what she is wearing? It affects me in no way.

Exactly.  Most if not all of my BMs, will probably be in a different dress than the next because I just gave them colors and a length and said "Have at it!"  These ladies are all different heights, weights, and ages and there was no way a single dress style would look flattering on everybody.  My main concern for my BM's is that they are comfortable in their dress and they feel like they look like a million bucks.

Mismatched BMs are becoming a trend and it's nice because I was never a fan of the Stepford BM look.

@LAM524, I will reiterate what has been said a few times already.  This isn't something for you to worry about, so just let your friend figure it out.  Give her the option to purchases a new dress in the same or a similar color that fits, but then leave it at that.  If she wants to go to a seamstress to discuss alterations, try to find a bigger used dress on Ebay, etc. that's all on her.

VulgarGirl

I realize I am new here and you guys are going to find out I'm super laid back about this stuff. I don't know, maybe it's because I'm old (not that old 33 y/o). However this particular matter is one where I am apparently an a-hole. I'm a fat girl, I just am. My weight constantly fluctuates due to medication. I can be 40+ bigger and smaller at any point and quickly at that. If I were a bridesmaid I would absolutely purchase a size or maybe 2 up so that it could be altered down if necessary.

IMHO this wonderful friend has unfortunately earned herself a ticket into the audience. You can't have one bridesmaid in a different dress than everyone else, that will look quite odd. I think it is time to have a heart to heart and tell her that while you love her very much, she made a poor decision and you'd love to honor her in a different way and then maybe take a few special pictures with her where you pay for them and have one framed as a gift. Or something. I'm sure you'll figure it out.

Wait...what? You'd kick someone out of your wedding party because they gained weight? Fuck.

All my bridesmaids are wearing different dresses. Same color, similar length, but otherwise different styles. It'll look fine. Or really weird. I don't give a shit because they're my friends and I love them. And if one of them gains 20 pounds in the next 6 months I'm sure as shit not kicking her out of over it. And I'm a skinny bitch.