Wedding Etiquette Forum

*facepalm*

So last night FI and I had a ceremony planning call with our minister (friend of FI's who lives out of state).  The call went really well, and FI and I are starting to get very excited. 

A few small things annoyed me though.  First, I asked the minister for an estimate of the time the ceremony would take based on what we planned so that we could make sure that our cocktail hour started at the correct time.  His estimate was a little shorter than we thought, so I asked my FI to remind me to make sure that our cocktail hour started 15 minutes earlier than we had originally planned so that guests wouldn't be waiting around.  Minister said this wouldn't be necessary and people wouldn't mind waiting.  While I know that 15 minutes isn't the end of the world (and I personally wouldn't care about having to wait 15 minutes to get a cocktail or appetizer), we can easily change the time, so I don't see the point in having any sort of gap.

At this point, he also pointed out that we will likely start the ceremony late.  "No we won't," I respond.  We will start the ceremony at 4.  Aside from the etiquette issue of making guests wait, tardiness is a personal pet peeve of mine.  This sucker will start on time or I will magically turn into a bridezilla just before my wedding.

Fortunately, FI (often late) and minister will both be staying on site the night before, so I don't have to worry about them getting there on time.
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pinkshorts27

Re: *facepalm*

  • Uhg, that would annoy me, too. But you're definitely doing everything right! As for the cocktail hour, in my area, it simply starts when people show up. Maybe you can ask your venue that? 
  • *sigh*

    Good for you for doing things properly, and for shame to the minister on both counts.

    I'm with Rebecca -- our venue needed an estimate of time for our cocktail hour, so we said between 4.45 and 5 p.m. (3 p.m. ceremony, Catholic Mass, receiving line, 15-20 minute drive to the reception), which worked for them. They needed a window to have the hot passed hors d'oeuvres ready, and as soon as the first guests arrived, the bartenders took their places and the hors d'oeuvres were brought out and the cocktail hour started.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • Your minister is wrong on both counts.

    You need to start on time both the ceremony and reception, with no gaps.  Standing around waiting for 15 minutes with nothing to do and no hospitality would piss me off.  In fact, due to a venue error by my brother and SIL's venue, their guests were forced to stand in a cramped area for 15 minutes waiting for the reception to begin because the venue wasn't ready on time.  Nobody appreciated that.

    I'm sorry he's doing this to you.  Hopefully you can work things out with your venue so as to keep your guests from having to stand around waiting.
  • I doubt it will be a problem for the venue.  We have the room the reception is in all day.  It's just a matter of having food ready and staff there a few minutes earlier.  We have our final planning meeting with our venue coordinator next weekend, and will work out a final timeline then, so we should be set.

    At this point, my timeline plan is:

    4:00 - ceremony
    4:30 - receiving line
    4:45 - cocktail hour "starts" (all in one location, hoping to have staff/food ready at about 4:30 for first guests, just in case) (20 minutes family pics, 20 minutes full bridal party pics, 20 minutes just us pics, per photographer - final planning meeting not yet scheduled)
    5:45 - our entrance
    6:00 - dinner
    7ish - cake
    7:20/30 - spotlight dances
    open dance floor after 3 spotlight dances  - we hope to do a few pictures with extended family during this time.  photographer will go around to their tables and let them know during dinner.
    10:45 - last call for bar (maybe 10:30, depending on what venue suggests)
    music stops @ 11  (we technically have the room until 11, but since nothing else can be set up that day, they won't do tear down until the morning and we can be in the room until midnight, so if we run a little behind, we should be fine.)
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  • That is aggravating.  I really find it annoying when people don't stay in their lane...  our DJ is getting bossy about a few things that really have nothing to do with him and his services.  I realize these vendors have a lot of experience but after I thank them for their input and move on, I don't want to hear your thoughts for the 3rd or 4th time.  Stay in your lane.
    chouette61
  • Are you having a receiving line? If not, adding one in could easily fill that extra 15 minutes.

    My DJ was bossy too and really wants us to do the cake cutting right away, which I am not interested in doing before dinner because it makes no sense (um and the cake is pretty and I want to see it for more than 5 min!). Dealing with things like this can be really frustrating.
  • Sometimes I wonder if B&Gs with "poor" etiquette were actually talked into something by a wedding planner or minister. I can see how easy it is to put trust in a "wedding professional" and buy into the whole starting late, gaps are okay, blah blah blah.

    Obviously, the B&G should put their foot down, but I can see how people would find that hard since these people make their living doing weddings and it's easy to think the professionals know more than them. I had a similar argument with a venue. They kept saying, "We've done a million weddings, and this is how it's done." I could easily see how some brides would cave and say, "Okay."

    (BTW, I told that venue I wouldn't be using them, and my processional started at 4:00:00.)
    offthemarket915
  • Ergh. I'd have to bite my tongue HARD to keep from saying something like "well it's a good thing you're not making the decisions here, padre."

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  • That is aggravating.  I really find it annoying when people don't stay in their lane...  our DJ is getting bossy about a few things that really have nothing to do with him and his services.  I realize these vendors have a lot of experience but after I thank them for their input and move on, I don't want to hear your thoughts for the 3rd or 4th time.  Stay in your lane.
    I use this line all the time to tell people to worry about themselves and they will be fine, especially the kids I coach!  
    offthemarket915
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