So I need a bit of advise to handle the Mother of the bride. My fiancee and I are getting married in August and are paying for the entire wedding ourselves. My Fiancee's mother has been issue after issue since last August when she wasn't going to go with my fiancee and the rest of her friends/family to go wedding dress shopping. Long story short, I set her in place and she twisted the story around to where she was suddenly a victim in this and that she was coming after all and would sacrifice a weeks worth of not working (shes a long haul truck driver) for us for the day. She loves to guilt trip everybody in the family and blow everything out of proportion.
Now that we are 4 months from the wedding, she has started searching for a dress for the wedding and has settled on two dresses. One of them is all white and the other one is all purple. Our wedding colors are Black, White and Purple. We keep telling her that those are the three colors she needs to stay away from. The bridesmaids are all wearing purple dresses so we dont want her to match them and the bride is the only one who should wear an all white dress. We have had about 6 people now all tell her to pick a new dress and she just laughs and says my fiancee is just being a bridezilla. My question is how much should we continue to press the matter? I mean we should get somewhat of a say that she should respect considering that we are paying for the whole wedding ourselves, right?
Second issue now is with the father of the bride and his guest. The father of the bride is her adoptive father from her mothers second marriage and adopted her legally when she was about 6 years old. The mother of the bride (who by the way is on her 4th marriage now) hates the father of the bride and doesn't want him at the wedding and certainly not walking the bride down the aisle and is demanding that she be walking the bride down the aisle herself. Also she is threateneing that if the father of the bride does come, that he is not allowed to bring his girlfriend to the wedding otherwise the mother of the bride will refuse to come to the wedding at all, although when we questioned that she shouldn't be able to bring her current husband then under the same concept, she got immensely pissed. The mother of the bride hasn't even been told yet that we are also inviting my fiancee's real father, new wife and children (brides half-siblings) to the wedding, where we are sure she will blow her lid when she hears that news. So my main question on this I guess is when and/or how should we tell the Mother that these people are in fact all coming and that the father of the bride will be walking the bride down the aisle and that her job at the wedding is to do nothing more than sit there, look beautiful, and be supportive of the Bride on her wedding day. We have been told by some people, including my mother, that since she can't respect us and/or any of our decisions for the wedding, why stress over telling her anything and let her find out at the wedding. I would like to avoid a conflict AT the wedding if possible so we are planing on telling her beforehand. We were planing to wait until after the Bridal shower in June which would give her about 2 months to get over our decisions. What do you think?