As-guest would you rather....

AnAngelGoneInsane

I am not really sure if this is etiquette related but thought it fit best here.

So I have been looking at venues and have found a place I would really like to consider for the big day. This venue is available Thursday, Fridays, and Saturdays but the price difference between the days is pretty significant. As a guest would you rather come on a Thursday evening and have everything above and beyond ( premium bar better food etc.) or would you prefer to come on a Saturday and still have a nice bar and nice food but nothing elaborate? Or as a third option Friday evening and something in the middle? 

I am having a difficult time deciding since the price difference from Thursday to Friday is 1500 and from Friday to Saturday another 1500. I feel like that possible 3000 could really make a huge difference in the bar and food my guests receive but I also know Thursdays can be more inconvenient for guests.

Background: of the 100 possible people we are thinking to invite only 10 have jobs in the summer they would have to ask off for. Everyone is out of town so they will Have to fly or drive already. Everyone else is either retired or is off for school in the summer with no jobs. I have also talked to my VIPs and all of them have said that a Thursday evening wedding would work for them. 

lyndausvi

Saturday

Friday

Thursday.

RebeccaB88

I would not be able to take advantage of the full open bar on Thursday night because of work Friday. So there's that.

Saturday would be my preference, then Friday. Thursday way way far back in 3rd.

HisGirlFriday13

Is Sunday an option?

Otherwise I ditto lynda.

[Deleted User]

If I'm coming in from out of town and don't have a job to go back home to, Thursday would work for me.

AnAngelGoneInsane

@ HisGirlFriday13 - Sunday is an option it is the same price as a Friday but still must be in the evening. It is a little bit of a strange situation since 90% of the possible guests don't have to worry or think about time off, however I don't want to exclude the small portion that would need to take the time. Pretty much everyone in school lives in the city so no travel but everyone else is at least 7 hours away. 

weddingmcgee

If you've spoken to your guests and the general consensus was that it wouldn't be a huge inconvenience to attend a Thursday wedding and they genuinely seem happy to take off work, then I say go for it. We flat out asked our guests when making this decision, but there were too many people that would have been severely inconvenienced, so we stuck with Saturday. It's also in October, so it's different than summer, especially when dealing with children. There can be a pretty big difference for people arriving on Friday, or even Saturday morning, for a Saturday evening wedding and people flying in Wednesday or even Thursday morning for a Thursday wedding. 

But it sounds like it works for your crowd. Spend the extra money on awesome food and upgrade your alcohol. If I had to take off an extra day or two of work but got to attend a wedding that was, as you say, above and beyond, it would be worth it to me. Just don't be surprised if a few people complain or even can't make it because it's not on a weekend. 

HaileyDancingbear

If I'd be in town anyway and didn't have work, I really wouldn't care too much about the wedding being on Thursday.  Really that day would only bug me if I had work Friday.  

It seems the people you want there most aren't bothered by the time, so I'd say go for it.  Friday or Saturday is preferable, but not preferable enough to warrant an extra $1500.  In your shoes I'd do Thursday in a heartbeat.

JCbride2015

I would always rather attend a Saturday wedding, even if that means less fancy bar and food, as long as something appropriate to the time of day is hosted.  But I have a job where I would have to request time off.

AnAngelGoneInsane

Thank you @weddingmcgee it's a hard decision because I know no one really likes to ask off for weddings. We just happen to have a lot of friends who are in graduate programs around here (Fi is also in a program) so a lot of our friends just don't need to ask off. The other half are just an older crowd so they are all retired and to most of them a Thursday is the same as a Monday which is the same as a Saturday to them lol. 

NYCMercedes

I wouldn't even go to a Thursday wedding. I'd be too tired to notice anything upgraded at a Friday wedding.

Annndreaaaaa

As a guest, I'd prefer a Saturday wedding (I would be one of those guests that need to ask off from work).

If the amount of guests that a Thursday wedding would inconvenience is minimal, I'd go with a Thursday wedding. I might not ask off of work for a friend that I'm not very close with, but I would have no problem asking off of work for a family member or a close friend.

huskypuppy14

Since you said only 10% of your guests would need to ask it off, I think you're fine doing a Thursday wedding. Maybe for your situation, split the difference and do Friday. I've been to a couple Friday weddings, and I don't mind taking a Friday off. If it's on a Thursday, some may leave early because they have to work on Friday. 

Also, my FI works on the weekends, (as well as Thursday and Friday) so for him it would actually be easier to take a Friday or Thursday off, than a Saturday.

AnAngelGoneInsane

Thank you everyone for your responses, it really seems to be a know your crowd situation. I think I will just mull over it a bit longer and just make sure everyone is really okay with a weekday wedding and not just being nice.

theartistformerlyknownas

If they're truly ok with it and don't have work conflicts, then go for Thursday. I wouldn't be able to enjoy any upgraded bar options on a Thursday since I work Friday, and if I was OOT I just would likely not come at all. Be sure you're asking people outside the constricts of money to get the most honest answers. "If we have our wedding on this Thursday date, would you be able to make it?" It's none of their business what you're spending, and shouldn't be made to feel awkward about their choice, or wonder what you hope they'll choose and try to guess right.

AnAngelGoneInsane

@lolo883 no worries on the money part the only persons who know anything about the costs are my parents since they have graciously offered to help with the venue and my fiancé and myself. 

All the persons I have talked to so far seem open to the idea since most of them plan to come for a week anyways (we live in a place where a lot of people like to vacation and travel anyways) but what they say when it is just a possibility and when it is something that is a fact can always change, so I will bring it up again in a couple of weeks when some of the excitement has gone away. Lucky for us we have a year to go so we can take the time to decide.

KeptInStitches

In order of preference: Saturday, then Friday, then Thursday.

kitty8403

I think this is a "know your crowd" thing, but I suspect most people will say Saturday.
My family is mostly used to sometimes doing things on weird weekdays because of unusual work schedules. If a lot of your people work nights or weekends, they might really appreciate the chance to come mid-week.
Otherwise, assuming most are working age, weekend days (Sat or Sun) seem to be best for most people. Fridays, most people are tired from a full work day. It's a bigger hassle than a lazy Sunday afternoon, assuming people aren't traveling a long way.

EverAfer

Saturday first, then Friday, then Thursday. Again, you know your crowd. But for a M-F 8-5 person, Thursdays are tough.
Though if you're a good friend/family, I would still attend with a happy face on.

kitty8403

FWIW, you might want to be prepared for a higher decline rate from non-VIPs. We were invited to a Friday wedding once. 8-hour drive at the end of the work week was not going to work on our end. We declined, much as we love them, and quite a few others were unable to go. You might have better luck with Thursday if you have night/weekend workers on your list.

SP29

I myself would prefer a Saturday or Friday.

As long as I am being properly hosted, I could care less how fancy the meal and bar are. Like others, I work Mon-Fri, so wouldn't be able to enjoy that premium bar, or stay as late. 

Also, if I were travelling, at least with a Saturday wedding, I'd only have to take Friday off, where as if the wedding were Thursday I'd likely need to take Wed-Fri off. 

But talk to your VIPs and see what they say. There is no reason you can't have your wedding on the Thursday, but realize you may get more declines. 

pinkcow13

I think it is a "know your crowd" situation. Personally - I have a ton of vacation days and a very flexible department, so if I had to go to a Thursday wedding, I would just take Friday off. If I HAD to choose I guess Sat-Fri-Thurs.  

We are having a Friday evening wedding. The price difference at our venue is about $30K between Friday and Saturday, and for other venues it was significant enough (although no where near as high). Additionally, in NYC, Friday or Sunday weddings are more the norm. Lastly, a lot of our family and friends don't have your typical M-F 9-5 days, so that is what we based our decision on.

Blergbot

I prefer a Friday wedding to Thursday, especially if it were OOT. It's easier to just take the Friday off, which would maybe even mean a half day on Thurs, depending on how far they're traveling. A Thursday wedding would mean people having to take 3 days off. Still, if this doesn't apply to most of your guests, then I'd ask around and see what your VIPs think.

lc07

It sounds like Thursday works well for your crowd. I'd go with that. I make the majority of my income working weekends so a Thursday is preferable for me. Not everyone is a 9-5'er and it sounds like in your situation a Thursday would be just fine. 

phira

I'd prefer a Friday to a Thursday, even if I were local.

In your shoes, I'd pick either Thursday or Friday.

ei34

There's a substantial price difference between Friday and Saturday weddings in my area, and as a result, 98% of the weddings I've attended have been on Friday. For this reason, and I know I'm in the minority, I view Fri and Sat weddings as very similar, and don't have a preference between the two.
I'd def prefer either Fri or Sat over Thursday- a top of the line wedding wouldn't be the blast it could be since I wake up for work at 5am Friday morning.

PrettyGirlLost

AnAngelGoneInsane said:

@ HisGirlFriday13 - Sunday is an option it is the same price as a Friday but still must be in the evening. It is a little bit of a strange situation since 90% of the possible guests don't have to worry or think about time off, however I don't want to exclude the small portion that would need to take the time. Pretty much everyone in school lives in the city so no travel but everyone else is at least 7 hours away. 

How does that work?  Or rather, where do these ppl work that this isn't a concern for them?

If I was a local guest, and especially if I was an OOT guest, that had a job I would prefer Saturday.

ETA: OK, so they are grad students.  They probably still need to get permission from their PI's/mentors if they don't plan on showing up to work the next day.  It's usually frowned upon to just not show up .  My FI was in a PhD program and he was expected to work on his research full time- lots of 12+ hour days.  If he wanted to go on a trip or something, he ran it past his PI 1st.

QueerFemme

Just because they are a grad student doesn't mean that they don't have anything to do the next day. Thursday wedding will likely end very early and your upgraded bar will be wasted anyway.

pinkshorts27

QueerFemme said:

Just because they are a grad student doesn't mean that they don't have anything to do the next day. Thursday wedding will likely end very early and your upgraded bar will be wasted anyway.

This. Most of my friends are phd students and it is completely lab dependent as to how vacation works.

manateehugger

Grad student here; even in summer, I can't take off a night or day willy-nilly. It doesn't work like undergrad.

harper0813

To be completely honest, I only attend Saturday weddings unless it's a brunch wedding on a Sunday or a late evening wedding on a Friday that's in my city. Even students tend to work most during the week and you're likely to have a much smaller list of attendees on a Thursday - or even a Friday. What matters most to you? Having more loved ones attend or having fancier food and drink?