Help with Decorations!?

Krystalfrost

I wanted to ask several "crafty" ladies who are invited to my wedding, to come to a get-together, where I will provide eats and drinks, and they will help me make various wedding decorations.  My best friend, matron of honor, has said that this was not a good idea, was in fact rude, etc.   I cannot believe it could possibly be!  I would attend if asked by someone else.  I thought it would be fun to sit around with friends, gab, make crafts, eat good food!  This would be SUCH a big help to me.

What are your thoughts?

KeptInStitches

Unless they've volunteered to help make the decorations of their own free will, it's rude. Even "crafty" people might not want to make the decorations for your wedding.

Maggie0829

Krystalfrost said:

I wanted to ask several "crafty" ladies who are invited to my wedding, to come to a get-together, where I will provide eats and drinks, and they will help me make various wedding decorations.  My best friend, matron of honor, has said that this was not a good idea, was in fact rude, etc.   I cannot believe it could possibly be!  I would attend if asked by someone else.  I thought it would be fun to sit around with friends, gab, make crafts, eat good food!  This would be SUCH a big help to me.

What are your thoughts?

Your friend is right.

If someone OFFERS their help then you can accept it.  But in the end it is you and your FI responsibility to make decorations for your wedding.  No one elses.  And just because these ladies are "crafty" doesn't mean that they will be willing or happy about taking time out of their most likely busy lives to help you DIY some stuff.

Krystalfrost

Ouch!  Well, that's why I wanted other opinions.  Now I hesitate to even accept the offers that have already been given.  I guess I'm more of a giving person as I would do this in a heartbeat, even if I'm busy otherwise.  And no one is coercing their will or time.  They could simply decline.  I don't see a great deal of difference between this and inviting people to a shower, where they are EXPECTED to shell out coinage for gifts, someone shells out for decor, cake, etc.  At least I'm giving back in the form of good grub and drinks.

I am still appreciative of your insights, and will only coordinate with those who previously freely offered .

Regards

Maggie0829

Krystalfrost said:

Ouch!  Well, that's why I wanted other opinions.  Now I hesitate to even accept the offers that have already been given.  I guess I'm more of a giving person as I would do this in a heartbeat, even if I'm busy otherwise.  And no one is coercing their will or time.  They could simply decline.  I don't see a great deal of difference between this and inviting people to a shower, where they are EXPECTED to shell out coinage for gifts, someone shells out for decor, cake, etc.  At least I'm giving back in the form of good grub and drinks.

I am still appreciative of your insights, and will only coordinate with those who previously freely offered .

Regards

Like I said, if someone offers to help then you can accept.

Yes they simply could decline.  But do you realize how hard it is to say no to someone when they are super nice and ask you to help?  I have been in that position more times then I can count and even though I would have much rather relaxed at home I still said yes and helped.

And it is different then inviting someone to a shower.  Mainly because you have no involvement in your shower and it is something that is being done voluntarily by others because they want to, not because you are asking them to.

ei34

Your MOH is correct. You are welcome to accept any offers for help, but don't ask anyone other than your FI. Like Maggie, I've been politely asked to assist in things like this, and it's really hard to decline.
A shower is different in that it's in no way hosted by you, so although you benefit from it, you weren't the one to ask.

zitiqueen

Krystalfrost said:

Ouch!  Well, that's why I wanted other opinions.  Now I hesitate to even accept the offers that have already been given.  I guess I'm more of a giving person as I would do this in a heartbeat, even if I'm busy otherwise.  And no one is coercing their will or time.  They could simply decline.  I don't see a great deal of difference between this and inviting people to a shower, where they are EXPECTED to shell out coinage for gifts, someone shells out for decor, cake, etc.  At least I'm giving back in the form of good grub and drinks.

I am still appreciative of your insights, and will only coordinate with those who previously freely offered .

Regards

You expect your shower guests to pay for the cake and decor in addition to buying you a gift?

Krystalfrost

Appreciate the advice and will abide by it.  I seem to have a particular color blindness to life's "gray areas", but am learning fast! 

Best wishes,

 

vsgal

Remember that just because you are excited to do something doesn't mean that everyone else is on that bandwagon.  No one is required to help you do anything for the wedding.  Now, people will offer and it is fine to accept their help within reason.  I mean you don't want to have a five hour session of making centerpieces.

jenna8984

You say it will be SUCH a big help- what kind of things do you have in mind to make that it's really going to take you a long time? I say anything that takes more than 3 hours of your life just scrap it and come up with something new lol. I told my friend that I was doing my own centerpieces and she scoffed and said "For my wedding, I do not want to be spending precious time doing any of that". I was like "um, ok, well I ordered lanterns online took all of 2 minutes, then I put candle & petals in lantern, another 2 minutes, and I'm done". lol

tammym1001

Just to give you some perspective from a "crafty person". I get asked to help people with crafty things ALL. OF. THE. TIME. For example, I am getting married in two weeks and last weekend my niece asked me to help her make a skirt for her junior prom. This was seriously the last thing I had time to do especially at the last minute like that, but I said yes anyways and then cussed myself out while I was up until 1:00 in the morning trying to finish my wedding stuff because I had spent all day making a skirt.

To avoid having to do stuff for other people I have actually started taking knitting classes in secret so that nobody will know that I can knit and ask me to do stuff so that I can continue to enjoy knitting instead of it becoming like a job that I have to do for everyone else.

So the point of all this personal information about me is to tell you that while you may think it's fun and you know they love to craft, you have no idea how many requests crafty people get from other people to help them and how hard it is to tell people you care about no when it is something that you can do. Please don't put them in that difficult position. The most I would say would be ok is to casually bring up that you will be doing some crafty projects for the wedding and wait to see if they offer to help. Don't drop any hints that you would like their help or anything though, just see if they volunteer help.

Krystalfrost

Tammy best wishes on your wedding day--I am also getting married May 17th.

Not only have I been planning the wedding, but my fiance and I moved into a new apartment, so I had all that to contend with. 

What's left is the flower girl tulle tutu outfit, and the bride and moh bouquets and boutonnieres.  It's all peacock-themed with lots of feathers, so alot of piece-work.

 

Kauris

I'd like to add that you are very lucky to have a best friend/MOH that will be so honest with you about things like this, because that can't be fun or easy to say.

AddieCake

I like you, OP. You didn't freak out at people for telling you not to do this, and I like the way you word things. I hope you stick around. 

Bubblegum5586

It sounds like a few people have already volunteered to help, which is great! Have them over with some food and wine and craft away!

I had a decent amount of people offer to help and I ended up not taking anyone up on their offer (until the week of a few BMs helped) . It was too hard to coordinate a time and just easier to work on while I watched TV at night.