NWR: Just got an invite not including Fi.

JCbride2015

Ugh.  Just received an invite for my friend's graduation party, thrown by her mom.  Friend asked me my address, so I knew it was coming.  Outer envelope only has my name, not Fi's.  No inner envelope, just a postcard-style invitation.

Fi and my sister are throwing a grad party for me, and when he asked for the invite list, I told him to make sure to invite Friend's new bf because that's just the right thing to do.

Why is this so hard for people?  Now I feel sort of hurt, and awkward.  It's possible Friend intended to include Fi.  After all, they see each other all the time and get along.  But I don't feel comfortable asking if he was intended to be included.

I was all excited I don't have work that day, but now I feel sort of hurt about this and don't really want to go.  I would feel like an ass telling Fi, "Sorry, I'm going to go drive an hour each way to this party for a girl you know and like, but you're not invited."

vanityink

Are you sure she doesn't assume you "know" FI is invited? For casual invites, I've had more than one friend send an invite just to one name and then go "Oh of COURSE SO is invited. I just figured I'd address it to you to get there"

JCbride2015

vanityink said:

Are you sure she doesn't assume you "know" FI is invited? For casual invites, I've had more than one friend send an invite just to one name and then go "Oh of COURSE SO is invited. I just figured I'd address it to you to get there"

I'm sort of hoping this is the case.  But how the heck do I ask her without sounding like I'm fishing for an invite for Fi?

Fact is: if Fi is not invited, I won't attend on principle.  But I don't want to RSVP no and then find out later he was in fact intended to be invited.

vanityink

I'd go the indirect route, personally, "Hey, I noticed the invite was only to me. Did you make it a girl's night?" (or whatever works for your relationship with her).

HisGirlFriday13

I'd be blunt-ish, honestly. 

Just say, 'Hey, friend, I got your invite for your party, but I noticed it didn't include FI's name. He and I are trying to figure out schedules, so I just wanted to see if you meant to include him or not. Let me know, thanks!'

None of that is untrue -- you DID get the invite; you DID notice that it didn't include your FI; you ARE trying to figure out schedules (because you'll find something else to do that weekend if he's not included); and you DO just want to know for information's sake.

I don't like to fish for invitations either, but I have no problem making people feel shitty if they've done something so shitty as to invite me without DH.

Actions have consequences -- if you don't want to feel awkward, learn to address things properly.

[Deleted User]

I used to do what your friend did. I invited one part of a couple to parties so they could feel free to come hang out with us without their significant other, but could definitely invite their significant other if they chose to attend together. I didn't have a significant other so I didn't really think to consider them a 'social unit.' It didn't occur to me that people actually LIKE hanging out with their significant other at social gatherings. If I had given it any serious thought, I'm sure I would have realized the error of my ways, but it didn't occur to me to question my way of thinking.

l9i

I actually ran into this the other day... My FI and I live together and have been together for almost 5 years.  A family friend on his side is graduating and sent an invitation to just him.  I've met them several times, I've gone to support him at baseball games (FI looks at him like a little brother), and they've gotten a save the date for our upcoming wedding so there really isn't an excuse that they "didn't know me" or "forget my name and didn't want to ask" type deal.  I don't think it would be a problem if I went but now FI thinks it would be weird if I went and I sort of feel unwelcomed...