Was I a jerk at my wedding?

happymellow

I guess this is more of a vent than a question because I'm pretty sure I wasn't a jerk--but do let me know if I'm wrong.

At my wedding, I invited one of my oldest friends.  We've known each other since kindergarten and she was one of my best-friends growing up.  I'll call her Mary.  We both come from very conservative backgrounds.  Our friendship worked well growing up.  Anyway, fast-forward to college.  I went to a crazy, party school and changed a lot.  Mary went to college and lived at home.  I was exposed to different things, and Mary's still very much the same.  A wonderful person, but we've grown apart and don't have much in common anymore.  Anyway, Mary is still part of my life.  We still see each other once every couple months and catch up.  I was excited to invite her to the wedding.  She didn't know anyone, so I sat her at a table where I thought she'd be comfortable.  I tried to be a good hostess and talk to everyone.  I also made sure to sit down next to her for a while and talk quite a bit since I knew she didn't know anyone.  Meanwhile, everyone else is dancing and partying and demanding my attention, too.  So, the night progresses.  Everyone eventually leaves, and it's just the DJ, catering people, my parents, wedding party, and Mary at the end of the night.  The DJ is packing up and trying to talk to me, other people--though they've left are still in the parking lot talking, taking centerpieces (that were offered), coming back in to make sure everything is taken care of.  Pretty much in cleanup mode. Mary comes up to me, and I asked her if she had a good time.  "Yeah!  It was fun!  I was hoping we'd get a chance to talk more though.  I'll wait over here."

I'm sorry, what?  I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off, making sure all the stuff to be returned to the florist is taken care of, still saying goodbyes to other people, answering questions for everyone, clearly my attention is scattered.  Plus, my new husband and I have hotel reservations.  I told her, "I wish I could, but there's so much going on.  Can we go to dinner soon or something?"  She left, but I could tell she was disappointed.  I was a little astounded that she thought she needed my undivided attention on my freakin' wedding night.  Anyway, I'm bothered that I hurt her feelings, but I'm also blown away by the fact that she didn't recognize that this wasn't the time.  Anyway, let me know if you think I was a jerk.  I thought I handled it okay, but like I said, I've been known to be wrong (just not very often). 

KeptInStitches

I don't think you were a jerk. It's understandable that you would be busy at the end of the evening, you did extend an invitation to meet for dinner, and you made a point of talking to her earlier in the evening.

KGold80

Nah, I think you handled it just fine. She didn't know anyone else, so I'm sure she just felt a bit awkward. I'd let that go, but would call her up and tell her you're sorry that you didn't get to spend much time with her at your wedding, but everything was insane and you had to work really hard to meet deadlines to get out of there. Then follow through with the dinner invite. I'm sure it'll be okay in the end.

luckysnorkel

Not a jerk at all.  Sounds like you went above and beyond making sure she was happy and comfortable at the wedding and it was awfully presumptuous of her to expect anything more from you.

sarawifenow

What. A. Jerk!

Just kidding! You dealt with that situation perfectly fine. I, too, think it was a bit odd for her to just hang around and think that you would have time to give her undivided attention at that point in the evening.

RebeccaFlower

That is so bizarre to me. The only expectation I have of the couple when I go to a wedding is a 15 second greeting of some kind, but that's it and I assume that you did that during table visits. Did she not know anyone?

happymellow

Thanks for the input!  No.  She didn't know anyone.  I gave her an and guest (she's single), but she didn't bring one.  You know, it's really not that big of a deal, and I don't know why I even bothered to post it, but it did strike me as odd and I was dwelling a bit.  I suppose if that's my biggest problem from the wedding, I did alright.

RebeccaFlower

I'm the same way if I think I've been rude/done something wrong, but you really haven't. She probably just wanted some more communication after being by herself. Is she normally socially awkward?

happymellow

Well, she's a bit of a talker, but that's usually only after she knows you.  She seemed to be fine at the table when I stopped by.  She was engaging in conversation with everyone, so I thought she was doing alright.  I put her at a table with people who were very inclusive, and another friend who has no trouble talking to anyone.  I figured they'd get along very well.  They seemed to be, too, when I stopped by.

thisismynickname2

It seems she's missing some sort of social understanding that weddings usually aren't the time and place to catch up with the happy couple.  You did nothing wrong.

Perhaps she's going through something and really needs to talk. Have you called her yet?  If not, I'd do that ASAP for some quality time chit-chat. 

happymellow

thisismynickname said:

It seems she's missing some sort of social understanding that weddings usually aren't the time and place to catch up with the happy couple.  You did nothing wrong.

Perhaps she's going through something and really needs to talk. Have you called her yet?  If not, I'd do that ASAP for some quality time chit-chat. 

Well, she is a talker, and while you may be right, judging from the past, I doubt she was going through something.  That being said, I care about her very much and want to make sure this doesn't stand in the way of our friendship.  I haven't called her yet.  New husband and I are still moving/writing thank yous/exchanging dupe gifts/etc...but I should, and I think I will call her in the next few days instead of putting it off for another week until it's more convenient (which would make my life easier actually).  Maybe I'll go shoot her an email right now...