Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

non-religious ceremony ideas? Readings?

I'm sure we aren't the only ones with this problem. Coping with lots of extended family/guests with a wide variety of religious beliefs and feeling a little lost as a result. Very different backgrounds for FI and I. Looking for spiritual but non-religious/interdenominationally appropriate ideas for readings or ceremony practices. Looking to structure something fairly deep that doesn't just leave us done in 5 minutes. Bonus points for ceremony rituals that are fine for outdoors (eg, not lighting candles). 

ETA: I've seen some folks get into the idea of "geeky," "sci-fi," or "science" readings. I find those entertaining sometimes, but most of those themes don't really work for us. FI isn't that type. 

Re: non-religious ceremony ideas? Readings?

  • We are not having religious readings at our wedding either.  I found some online by Googling alternative readings.  There are excepts from books that are often used.

    http://www.planyourperfectwedding.com/article/planning-tips/top-10-alternative-readings-wedding-ceremonies

    Also, a lot of different cultures have marriage 'blessings' or poems that aren't necessarily religious but spiritual. 
    Anniversary
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  • kitty8403kitty8403 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited May 2014
    We are not having religious readings at our wedding either.  I found some online by Googling alternative readings.  There are excepts from books that are often used.

    http://www.planyourperfectwedding.com/article/planning-tips/top-10-alternative-readings-wedding-ceremonies

    Also, a lot of different cultures have marriage 'blessings' or poems that aren't necessarily religious but spiritual. 
    I'm looking for more of the latter -- some blessing/poetry/prayer type things. A lot of the secular reads are too funny or silly -- they're the kind of thing I might scatter around a program for fun or work into a toast, but not serious enough for a ceremony. 
  • One of my favourite poems is by Tennyson: 'All precious things, discover'd late, To those that seek them issue forth, For Love in sequel works with Fate, And draws the veil from hidden worth.'

    Also from Tennyson: 'If I were loved, as I desire to be, what is there in the great sphere of earth, and range of evil between death and birth that I should fear, if I were loved by thee?'

    As far as spiritual but not religious, I know it's in the Bible, but I really, really love 1 Cor. 13:4-13: Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

    Love never ends; as for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For our knowledge is imperfect and our prophecy is imperfect; 10 but when the perfect comes, the imperfect will pass away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall understand fully, even as I have been fully understood. 13 So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • @HisGirl, I agree on 1 Cor. 13. I had that on my "maybe" list, too! Those Tennyson quotes are lovely.

  • One of the above links has commenters suggesting choosing readers and letting them do "surprise" readings. I'm trying to figure out if that's an awesome idea or a cluster waiting to happen. :-P
  • Pablo Neruda has really beautiful love poems that aren't quite as (let's just say it) sappy as a lot of the stuff you'll find if you just Google "love + wedding reading." 
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    This baby knows exactly how I feel
  • We were going to do the following as a reading, but decided to just put it in our programs.

     

    Excerpt from "The Gift From the Sea"

    When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity - in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.

    The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, mot in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now. Relationships must be like islands, one must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits - islands, surrounded and interrupted by the sea, and continually visited and abandoned by the tides.

     

  • I found this really useful: http://www.greatofficiants.com/design-your-ceremony, especially this .doc file. They have a ton of readings, religious & non-religious.
    This is me reading threads on TK
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  • Bubblegum5586Bubblegum5586 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited May 2014
    An excerpt "Union" by Robert Fulghum
    You have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to the point of commitment.  At some point, you decided to marry.  From that moment of yes to this moment of yes, indeed, you have been making promises and agreements in an informal way.  All those conversations that were held riding in a car or over a meal or during long walks – all those sentences that begin with “when we’re married” and continued with “I will and you will and we will” – those late night talks that included “someday” and “somehow” and “maybe” and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart.   All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding.  The symbolic vows that you are about to make are a way of saying to one another “You know all those things we’ve promised and hoped and dreamed – well, I meant it all – every word.”  Look at one another and remember this moment in time.  Before this moment you have been many things to one another – acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner and even teacher – for you have learned much from one another in these last few years.  Now you shall say a few words that take you across a threshold of life, and things will never quite be the same between you.  For after these vows, you shall say to the world, this – is my husband.  This – is my wife.

    This was really fitting for our wedding as we dated 6 years before getting engaged and then a 18mo engagement. We spent many times talking about our future together over that time.
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  • JennyColadaJennyColada member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited May 2014
    I'm so bookmarking this page.
  • I'm so glad for this post. We're also having a non-religious ceremony and I was looking for readings. Thanks ladies! 
  • TheMoezTheMoez member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment 5 Love Its
    We are using this, from the comic Calvin and Hobbes


    Calvin: What’s it like to fall in love?

     

    Hobbes: Well… say the object of your affection walks by…

     

    Calvin: Yeah?

     

    Hobbes: First, your heart falls into your stomach and splashes your innards. All the moisture makes you sweat profusely. This condensation shorts the circuits to your brain and you get all woozy. When your brain burns out altogether, your mouth disengages and you babble like a cretin until she leaves.

     

    Calvin: THAT’S LOVE?!?

     

    Hobbes: Medically speaking.

     

    Calvin: Heck, that happened to me once, but I figured it was cooties!!

  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited May 2014
    We're having a non-religious ceremony and chose 2 readings - one from Captain Corelli's Mandolin and one is an Irish wedding song.
    ~*~*~*~*~

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited May 2014
    For readings, you might do a sonnet by Shakespeare or Sonnets of the Portuguese by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (the poem that starts "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.")
  • We thought about doing a handfasting ceremony but decided on the rose ceremony where at the beginning we give a rose to our parents in thanks. There is always the sand unity vase thing, or if you are really daring (and a touch artistic) I saw it done with paint! Our officiant had a huge book of greetings, readings, vows, etc that we got to piece together to make our ceremony.

  • I just read something called the "hands ceremony" and kinda liked the sound of it. You could change the wording a little if you don't like a part of it, but overall I like the idea of unity, and that a partner does for you over the course of your lifetime. BLANKand BLANK, Please face each other and take each other’s hands, so that you may see the gift that they are to you. These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and full of love for you, that are holding yours on your wedding day as you promise to love each other today, tomorrow and forever. These are the hands that will work along side yours as together you build your future. These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch will comfort you like no other. These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief temporarily comes your way. These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes, tears of sorrow and tears of joy. These are the hands that will tenderly hold your children. These are the hands that will give you support and encouragement to chase down your dreams. These are the hands that will hold you tight as you struggle through difficult times. These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it. These are the hands that will lift your chin and brush your cheek as they raise your face to look into eyes that are filled with overwhelming love for you. And lastly, these are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch.
  • We are considering using A Lovely Love Story by Edward Monkton. (We're replacing the "shopping" line with something else, though. I hate shopping!) 

    The fierce Dinosaur was trapped inside his cage of ice. Although it was cold he was happy in there. It was, after all, his cage.

    Then along came the Lovely Other Dinosaur. The Lovely Other Dinosaur melted the Dinosaur’s cage with kind words and loving thoughts.

    “I like this Dinosaur,” thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur. “Although he is fierce he is also tender and he is funny. He is also quite clever, though I will not tell him this for now.”

    “I like this Lovely Other Dinosaur,” thought the Dinosaur. “She is beautiful and she is different and she smells so nice. She is also a free spirit which is a quality I much admire in a dinosaur.”

    “But he can be so distant and so peculiar at times,” thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur. “He is also overly fond of things. Are all Dinosaurs so overly fond of things?”

    “But her mind skips from here to there so quickly,” thought the Dinosaur. “She is also uncommonly keen on shopping. Are all Lovely Other Dinosaurs so uncommonly keen on shopping?”

    “I will forgive his peculiarity and his concern for things,” thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur. “For they are part of what makes him a richly charactered individual.”

    “I will forgive her skipping mind and her fondness for shopping,” thought the Dinosaur. “For she fills our life with beautiful thoughts and wonderful surprises. Besides, I am not unkeen on shopping either.”

    Now the Dinosaur and the Lovely Other Dinosaur are old. Look at them. Together they stand on the hill telling each other stories and feeling the warmth of the sun on their backs.

    And that, my friends, is how it is with love. Let us all be Dinosaurs and Lovely Other Dinosaurs together. For the sun is warm. And the world is a beautiful place. 

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  • I just read something called the "hands ceremony" and kinda liked the sound of it. You could change the wording a little if you don't like a part of it, but overall I like the idea of unity, and that a partner does for you over the course of your lifetime. BLANKand BLANK, Please face each other and take each other’s hands, so that you may see the gift that they are to you. These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and full of love for you, that are holding yours on your wedding day as you promise to love each other today, tomorrow and forever. These are the hands that will work along side yours as together you build your future. These are the hands that will passionately love you and cherish you through the years, and with the slightest touch will comfort you like no other. These are the hands that will hold you when fear or grief temporarily comes your way. These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes, tears of sorrow and tears of joy. These are the hands that will tenderly hold your children. These are the hands that will give you support and encouragement to chase down your dreams. These are the hands that will hold you tight as you struggle through difficult times. These are the hands that will give you strength when you need it. These are the hands that will lift your chin and brush your cheek as they raise your face to look into eyes that are filled with overwhelming love for you. And lastly, these are the hands that even when wrinkled and aged will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch.
    This was our 2nd reading
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  • I might still have my ceremony packet somewhere that I can send you/post. Ours was 100% non-religious and short and simple. We just wanted to be married and drink, we didn't want some long drawn-out boring thing.
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