Out of Town Wedding/No Shower/No Registry- Help!

BethaJayne

Hi Everyone.

I need some help. My fiance and I are having an out of town wedding (we moved unexpectedly after booking our venue) and all our guests will be flying in from all over the country as well as the UK. For these reasons having a shower was just not possible. Since we will be flying in for the wedding we can't really be taking big gifts back with us. I have heard it is a huge "no-no" to have a registry if you don't have a shower. So then I found this "Wishing Well" idea, which seemed perfect. But now I am hearing that the Wishing Well is "tacky" and also a huge no-no. Everyone has started to ask me where we are registered and I really don't know what to say. I feel like I am stuck between being "tacky" and "rude" and I just don't know what to do. I know you are not to mention registeries etc in the invites- would it be ok to post that information on our wedding website?

My fiance and I have been together for 5 years, we just bought a house in the fall. It's not like we "need to be asking people for money" but it's a wedding and people want to bring gifts/contribute. His family is super traditional, and the whole things is just annoying me.

Any insight would be much appreciated.

Thank you.

windie

I've never heard that having a registry but noshower is tacky. Showers are not a given - someone has to offer to host one for you. We all know people want to give gifts for a wedding so a registry just helps to let guests know what the couple may like, or show their style.

Yeah, you don't put the registry info with the wedding invites, but it is okay to put it on your wedding website.

AprilH81

BethaJayne said:

Hi Everyone.

I need some help. My fiance and I are having an out of town wedding (we moved unexpectedly after booking our venue) and all our guests will be flying in from all over the country as well as the UK. For these reasons having a shower was just not possible. Since we will be flying in for the wedding we can't really be taking big gifts back with us. I have heard it is a huge "no-no" to have a registry if you don't have a shower. So then I found this "Wishing Well" idea, which seemed perfect. But now I am hearing that the Wishing Well is "tacky" and also a huge no-no. Everyone has started to ask me where we are registered and I really don't know what to say. I feel like I am stuck between being "tacky" and "rude" and I just don't know what to do. I know you are not to mention registeries etc in the invites- would it be ok to post that information on our wedding website?

My fiance and I have been together for 5 years, we just bought a house in the fall. It's not like we "need to be asking people for money" but it's a wedding and people want to bring gifts/contribute. His family is super traditional, and the whole things is just annoying me.

Any insight would be much appreciated.

Thank you.

It is okay to register, even if you don't have a shower.  You should not include the information in the wedding invitations, people will look for it if they want to give you a physical gift.

If people ask where you are registered it is okay to tell them, it is okay to say "We are registered at Macy's and we are saving up to get furniture for our new house." to hint at money, but you should not straight out ask for it.

Wishing Wells/ Honey Fund/etc. are VERY tacky and you should not have one.

BethaJayne

Thanks for the insight.

Many people offered to throw a shower, but everyone is all over the country so it would have cost a fortune to get everyone together. I can't even get my bridal party in one place to have a bach party- argh!

The thing with Registering is that we will be out of town so long and are new to this state/neighborhood. We don't know anyone to pick up gifts or deliveries that may be sitting outside the house. We spoke with people from a few stores and  there is no way to "hold" gifts. The registry just isn't going to work out.

We are going to have a huge birdcage for cards...I think that should be fine right? Obviously we are not "asking" for money- it is no means meant to be a "honeyfund" or anything silly like that. If people want to give something that is fine. I just don't know what to say when people ask about the registry situation..

BethaJayne

Thanks Windie!

photokitty

It is polite and acceptable to have a registry and no shower - should you decide to go that route.

We did not register - anywhere. Everyone knows cash is always appropriate, appreciated and often preferred - literally everyone on earth knows this. =o) 

For our wedding the gifts broke down like this: 75% cash or check, 20% gift cards and 5% physical gifts. 

If you want money or don't need anything don't register. This is the best way to politely suggest folks give you money. I'm telling you from experience ;-) 

 A wish well is is not polite, sorry. There is nothing wrong with saying, when asked where you are registered, we are saving up for the honeymoon (or house or big screen TV or whatever it is you'd like to purchase). GL!

theartistformerlyknownas

Nothing wrong with telling them the truth - "we're not registered anywhere; it would just be too hard to transport boxed gifts home!" They'll get the hint.

CMGragain

Register for gifts that you can ship home.  The shipping costs will be part of your wedding budget.  I suggest that you register at Amazon.com.  Many of daughter's guests simply ordered on line and had the gift shipped directly to her at her home.  She didn't get a shower, either, and she registered at Amazon.com, Target, and Bed, Bath and Beyond.  Your UK guests can use the on line service, too, and it will make it easier for them.