Hosting your own meal train?

Aray82

KGold80 said:

Aray82 said:

This is something I would offer along with any other kind of help but would find off-putting if the family were soliciting this themselves. I was a bit put off recently when some friends and I offered to host a baby shower for another friend this summer and she declined but also suggested that instead we and our SOs come over to clean her house when she's far along so the baby can have a clean environment to come home to. This I found at least odd if not quite rude--will see what other friends want to do with this suggestion but I barely have time to clean my own house without kids.

dafuq? Who does that?


I know! I mean, we did offer to do something to celebrate the baby and help her out with what she needs, but...?? One of the things I've seen as big stressful events happen is that close friends and family don't need any prompting to help and that they're also really good at identifying what you might enjoy or need most. When my college friends found out I was having surgery and would take a few weeks to recover, they just did what they could from 3000 miles away and sent me a sweet card with a gc to Whole Foods. I never expected that and I was so touched by such a thoughtful and practical gift, and one that helped FI out too with having to do all the cooking. Whenever anyone has a baby in my mom's large family (she's the oldest of 9) people offer to do things that they know have been/would be helpful to them in that situation: taking the older kids for a couple of afternoons, bringing over dinner, or even housecleaning for one aunt who was put on bedrest and is normally fastidious about having a clean house.

Moral of the story, people can and will be generous with their time and resources without any Facebook prompting!

APDSS22

Lizzieyounce said:

Holy shit!  What ever happened to cooking an extra meal a week and freezing it in preparation for the birth of your child?  I did this for both of my pregnancies, and for one of them I was single, working full time and the mother of a three year old.

It's not that hard.

My parents came over one day and cooked meals after I had both of my children, but I certainly didn't ASK them to.  Some co-workers delivered pre made dinners to my home after I had my second (prematurely) which was nice, and I was so thankful of that, but then again I DIDN'T ASK and I had plenty in the freezer already.  Because I preplanned!  

I'm starting my nursing clinical's this fall and I've already started doing freezer meals so that my H and my daughter will have something to eat besides hot dogs and junk when I have a 12 hour day.  It's not that hard and lasagna freezes beautifully.

I don't get some of the younger generation these days, and I'm only 47.

That said, I have and will cook meals for the bereaved, new moms, people recovering from surgery etc because I want to, but don't SOLICIT this deed from me.  

I'd ignore her message.

If it makes you feel any better @Lizzieyounce I'm 25 and I don't understand this either.  I make food in larger quantities than I need and freeze a portion for later.  It's fabulous to have food I don't have to cook from scratch when I'm feeling lazy.  I would totally make freezable food if someone was sick or pregnant or grieving and I was friends with them and knew about it.  I think it's ridiculous of someone to ask 150 Facebook friends (some of whom are nearly strangers) to cook them food though.

afox007

My old office used to organize these when a coworker had a baby. I usually didn't mind and would make and freeze a chicken pot pie or enchilada casserole.

I did get annoyed when one mommy to be sent out an email to everyone who had signed up explaining that her and her DH preferred no meat, glutton, or dairy (no allergies just her jumping on another fad) and she preferred if we could use organic locally grown veggies. I took my name off the sign up sheet immediately.

kitty8403

AddieCake said:

She isn't annoying strangers. She is asking her friends and family. Still tacky, but I don't know where you got that they were strangers.

Sorry, Addie. I meant to type "virtual strangers" or something similar. My point was that these are not necessarily people close to the requestor.

wrigleyville

lyndausvi said:

 We sent them a $100 GC to Peapod.  Its an online grocery delivery service.

I'd be STOKED to get that gift, and I'm not even pregnant. I just really, really, really hate grocery shopping.

HisGirlFriday13

My SIL is due with baby number two in September. DH an I have already offered to take my nephew for a long weekend after the birth to give them some downtime. He'll be three by then, so they might need a break from a toddler and and newborn.

Peaseblossom55

@CookiePusher there are so many better pizza places than dominoes around here. Ironically I'm lactose intolerant so I really can't eat pizza.  For some reason Dominoes doesn't bother my stomach.... it's actually kinda gross.

Cookie Pusher

Peaseblossom55 said:

@CookiePusher there are so many better pizza places than dominoes around here. Ironically I'm lactose intolerant so I really can't eat pizza.  For some reason Dominoes doesn't bother my stomach.... it's actually kinda gross.

That's because Dominoes doesn't use "real" ingredients.

I'm lactose intolerant as well, but I will suffer through it for a good slice of crispy, thin crust pizza oozing with Jersey-style orange grease. lol

crunchymamaof2

She mine as we'll be a stranger. I've never met her IRL (except for one time where we were apparently in the same place, she took pictures of my kids and then sent us a note about how cute they were on Facebook the next day. Um....why not introduce yourself or say hi if you knew us? Instead of stalking our kids. I had no idea what she looked like at the time.) the only time I've actually spoken to her is when I've responded to her commenting "we should have a play date!" On my FB feed, to which I usually responded well see how the future looks. She's went as far as to post "omg we love it there invite us next time! Play date!" After we posted pictures of an outing.

And I just saw that she shared this on her Facebook as well. So this was totally an entire FB list thing. Look, had someone else organized this for her I wouldn't have thought anything of it. I wouldn't participate but I wouldn't think badly of her. But c'mon.

dwhereicome

@ crunchymamaof2 WOW! I never thought I'd agree with you but I do! You are so right here. This is tacky beyond tacky. It is never, ever ok to ask explicitly for gifts of any kind whether they be meals or otherwise. 

As for you not knowing her- who does that? Who takes pics of people without walking up and introducing themselves? That is really odd. Also, its completely unacceptable for her to take photos of your children. 

grumbledore

Um, no way is that acceptable.  It's fucking crazypants is what it is.  

Inkdancer

phira said:

Inkdancer said:

I'd reply with a digital Domino's coupon.

I love you.

PrettyGirlLost

Aray82 said:

This is something I would offer along with any other kind of help but would find off-putting if the family were soliciting this themselves. I was a bit put off recently when some friends and I offered to host a baby shower for another friend this summer and she declined but also suggested that instead we and our SOs come over to clean her house when she's far along so the baby can have a clean environment to come home to. This I found at least odd if not quite rude--will see what other friends want to do with this suggestion but I barely have time to clean my own house without kids.

This.  I think the meal train thing is a wonderful idea if a friend or family member is organizing it, and no one feels obligated to participate in it.

Cleaning your house for you?  When did this mentality become a thing among those expecting?!  Especially if you are married to/living with the child's father?  He can clean his own freaking house for the arrival of his child, sheesh.

beethery

Aray82 said:

This is something I would offer along with any other kind of help but would find off-putting if the family were soliciting this themselves. I was a bit put off recently when some friends and I offered to host a baby shower for another friend this summer and she declined but also suggested that instead we and our SOs come over to clean her house when she's far along so the baby can have a clean environment to come home to. This I found at least odd if not quite rude--will see what other friends want to do with this suggestion but I barely have time to clean my own house without kids.

That, and the DEMANDA meal train nonsense, are some bullshit. NAW.

lyndausvi

I get creeped out and kind-of embarrassed at a paid housekeeper cleaning my house. I'm one that cleans before the cleaners show up.   Someone I know?  Hell no.  I don't need a friend seeing what a bad aim my husband can be sometimes.

HisGirlFriday13

Aray82 said:

This is something I would offer along with any other kind of help but would find off-putting if the family were soliciting this themselves. I was a bit put off recently when some friends and I offered to host a baby shower for another friend this summer and she declined but also suggested that instead we and our SOs come over to clean her house when she's far along so the baby can have a clean environment to come home to. This I found at least odd if not quite rude--will see what other friends want to do with this suggestion but I barely have time to clean my own house without kids.

Does this woman have a baby daddy, and is he in the picture? Because if yes, then it's his job to clean THEIR house for THEIR baby.

PrettyGirlLost

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Aray82 said:

This is something I would offer along with any other kind of help but would find off-putting if the family were soliciting this themselves. I was a bit put off recently when some friends and I offered to host a baby shower for another friend this summer and she declined but also suggested that instead we and our SOs come over to clean her house when she's far along so the baby can have a clean environment to come home to. This I found at least odd if not quite rude--will see what other friends want to do with this suggestion but I barely have time to clean my own house without kids.

Does this woman have a baby daddy, and is he in the picture? Because if yes, then it's his job to clean THEIR house for THEIR baby.

That's what I'm saying!

banana468

PrettyGirlLost said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Aray82 said:

This is something I would offer along with any other kind of help but would find off-putting if the family were soliciting this themselves. I was a bit put off recently when some friends and I offered to host a baby shower for another friend this summer and she declined but also suggested that instead we and our SOs come over to clean her house when she's far along so the baby can have a clean environment to come home to. This I found at least odd if not quite rude--will see what other friends want to do with this suggestion but I barely have time to clean my own house without kids.

Does this woman have a baby daddy, and is he in the picture? Because if yes, then it's his job to clean THEIR house for THEIR baby.

That's what I'm saying!


She can do it too! If she's still pregnant, THAT'S the time to clean. DH and I moved into our house 5 days before we head DD. You can bet your ass that her room was unpacked before we left for the hospital by yours truly.

Now post baby? If a MIL comes over and only wants to play baby holder that gets an eye roll. When a good friend had her 3rd baby, I came over with Indian take out and did some laundry for her. I was there FOR her and not to play baby cuddle.

jdluvr06

My sister, the mother of three, said to send her a pack of crackers and can of soup.

monkeysip

PrettyGirlLost said:

Aray82 said:

This is something I would offer along with any other kind of help but would find off-putting if the family were soliciting this themselves. I was a bit put off recently when some friends and I offered to host a baby shower for another friend this summer and she declined but also suggested that instead we and our SOs come over to clean her house when she's far along so the baby can have a clean environment to come home to. This I found at least odd if not quite rude--will see what other friends want to do with this suggestion but I barely have time to clean my own house without kids.

This.  I think the meal train thing is a wonderful idea if a friend or family member is organizing it, and no one feels obligated to participate in it.

Cleaning your house for you?  When did this mentality become a thing among those expecting?!  Especially if you are married to/living with the child's father?  He can clean his own freaking house for the arrival of his child, sheesh.

AMEN to this.  Obviously it's different if the father isn't in the picture, but if he is, he needs to be helping cook and clean.  In my mind, he's even more responsible for that than the mother is.  She's the one busy making a person.  

Aray82

Yes. Yes she does. I think part of it stems from seeing another couple's baby have chronic runny noses from all the dust in their house and she's worried it will happen to her house with a baby too. But she's normally very tidy so I don't think that would happen either way. Just...odd.

crunchymamaof2

banana468 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Aray82 said:

This is something I would offer along with any other kind of help but would find off-putting if the family were soliciting this themselves. I was a bit put off recently when some friends and I offered to host a baby shower for another friend this summer and she declined but also suggested that instead we and our SOs come over to clean her house when she's far along so the baby can have a clean environment to come home to. This I found at least odd if not quite rude--will see what other friends want to do with this suggestion but I barely have time to clean my own house without kids.

Does this woman have a baby daddy, and is he in the picture? Because if yes, then it's his job to clean THEIR house for THEIR baby.

That's what I'm saying!

She can do it too! If she's still pregnant, THAT'S the time to clean. DH and I moved into our house 5 days before we head DD. You can bet your ass that her room was unpacked before we left for the hospital by yours truly. Now post baby? If a MIL comes over and only wants to play baby holder that gets an eye roll. When a good friend had her 3rd baby, I came over with Indian take out and did some laundry for her. I was there FOR her and not to play baby cuddle.

There is nothing I hate more than people who offer to come help only to sit and hold the baby so you can do things yourself. I learned the hard way that I can't do too much walking or stairs after we had son #1. I just pushed this child out of my vagina. I will hold MY child's yes, I know you're just excited and happy for us, but could you at least let the cord be cut before you swoop in?!

The day before giving birth to DS2 we had a huge backyard cookout bday party for DS1. I set up tables and chairs, I helped DH put up the canopies. I barely sat. I had my sick, can't get out of bed moments during the pregnancy (it was a rough one) but life goes on and you still have responsibilities.mifnyou or your DH can't fulfill them and no one offers then you hire someone to helps period.