Young Bride - Even Younger Bridesmaids

acd818

I am 20yrs old and my wedding date is a month before I turn 21 (yes, I know I'm young). The man I'm marrying is one that I've known well for five years, and we've dated for a little over two. Marriage is not something we take lightly and while we both realize we are young, we know this is what we want and believe to be best for us.

 Currently, we are both in college and will be attending Graduate school after we are married. Obviously we have plenty of details to consider since we are so young and still in school, but one issue that keeps reoccurring is trying to decide what to do about the bridal party. 

 Unfortunately, I really don't have any girlfriends I am close enough with to ask to be bridesmaids. Mostly because I am not the typical college student and do not enjoy spending time in bars partying, which is what my friends enjoy doing. I also grew a part from my childhood friends. That being said, I feel like the best thing to do would be to ask my family members to be my bridesmaids. I'm very close to my sister, and my three cousins (all girls) so I think it would be a good idea to make them part of the wedding instead of asking other girls who I really don't care to be around much. The only problem is, the four girls are all younger than 18. When I get married my oldest cousin will be 17, the other two cousins will be 15 and 12, and my sister (the MOH) will be 15. 

 I'm really concerned that these girls are just too young for their roles as BM's. Especially since the groomsmen will all be around 21-23 years old. (I feel like that would make for a VERY awkward situation.) My cousin’s parents are completely fine with paying for the girl's dresses and other expenses, so that's not an issue. I also do not want a bachelorette party so that's not a problem either since the girls would usually have to plan that. My only concern is that I don't want to look back at pictures of my wedding, and think that it looks like a bunch of girls "playing" wedding. If I don't ask my family members to be my BM's, then I really have no idea who I would ask. 

 Should I ask my young cousins, or figure out something else? Any advice is welcomed!

acd818

So sorry that is such a big chunk to read! I had some issues posting the discussion and the spacing messed up.

KGold80

Well, if it helps at all, his best man is his 14 yo son, my 7 yo son is his groomsman. His 12 yo daughter is a bridesmaid and my MOH is my best friend (age 33). Your wedding party should be made up of the people whom you are closest to. If they are younger, so be it. Sides don't have to be even either. William and Kate had mostly children in their wedding party! If they can do it so can you!

Don't worry about the age gap between your girls and his guys. You're not actually matching them up during your wedding!

QueerFemme

acd818 said:

I am 20yrs old and my wedding date is a month before I turn 21 (yes, I know I'm young). The man I'm marrying is one that I've known well for five years, and we've dated for a little over two. Marriage is not something we take lightly and while we both realize we are young, we know this is what we want and believe to be best for us.

 Currently, we are both in college and will be attending Graduate school after we are married. Obviously we have plenty of details to consider since we are so young and still in school, but one issue that keeps reoccurring is trying to decide what to do about the bridal party. 

 Unfortunately, I really don't have any girlfriends I am close enough with to ask to be bridesmaids. Mostly because I am not the typical college student and do not enjoy spending time in bars partying, which is what my friends enjoy doing. I also grew a part from my childhood friends. That being said, I feel like the best thing to do would be to ask my family members to be my bridesmaids. I'm very close to my sister, and my three cousins (all girls) so I think it would be a good idea to make them part of the wedding instead of asking other girls who I really don't care to be around much. The only problem is, the four girls are all younger than 18. When I get married my oldest cousin will be 17, the other two cousins will be 15 and 12, and my sister (the MOH) will be 15. 

 I'm really concerned that these girls are just too young for their roles as BM's. Especially since the groomsmen will all be around 21-23 years old. (I feel like that would make for a VERY awkward situation.)

My cousin’s parents are completely fine with paying for the girl's dresses and other expenses, so that's not an issue. I also do not want a bachelorette party so that's not a problem either since the girls would usually have to plan that. My only concern is that I don't want to look back at pictures of my wedding, and think that it looks like a bunch of girls "playing" wedding. If I don't ask my family members to be my BM's, then I really have no idea who I would ask. 

 Should I ask my young cousins, or figure out something else? Any advice is welcomed!

You choose your wedding party because you are close to them, not for how they will look in photos.

Yes, they will look young. So will you. Because you are all young. Don't pick other people just yo raise the age range of your wedding party.

Also, it doesn't matter how old the groomsmen are. They aren't hooking up with the bridesmaids. If it makes you feel better, have them walk down the aisle single file instead of coupled up.

AddieCake

Yeah, their ages don't matter.

acd818

Thank you for your responses. You all make very good points! I do have one more question. (I'm still very new at this). Are there other issues that we might face due to the BMs being young? If so, what are some examples?

MollyandD

I can't think of any examples of problems with a young bridal party. I think you will be fine.

On a side note, I think it's kind of funny that you mentioned that you don't enjoy bars. Unless you live somewhere that has a drinking age lower than 21, I don't think bars are even an option for you right now. That was just a random thought as I was reading. But really, I think you'll be happy and fine with your young bridesmaids. 

ETA: It's not a "problem" at all, but it might concern you than they may not be in a position to hold a bridal shower for you. Your parents, or anyone else could still offer, and bridal showers are by no means required. Although this could come up, you shouldn't pick your bridal party based on who can throw a shower. I'm just pointing out that this could come up. 

acd818

Thank you for your input! That's very true! My mom loves planning get togethers like that so I'm sure that could be arranged.

(And I should have clarified about the bar situation as well . Where I live, 18 year olds are allowed in the bars, but the drinking age is 21. Most of friends are already 21 so they like to try to drag me there with them but I personally don't care for the whole atmosphere. Unfortunately it's gotten to the point where my friends spend as much time as possible in those types of places, so naturally I do not spend as much time with them anymore.)

zitiqueen

It's funny that you think your age shouldn't matter when it comes to getting married but you think age totally matters when it comes to your bridal party.

KGold80

acd818 said:

Thank you for your input! That's very true! My mom loves planning get togethers like that so I'm sure that could be arranged.

(And I should have clarified about the bar situation as well . Where I live, 18 year olds are allowed in the bars, but the drinking age is 21. Most of friends are already 21 so they like to try to drag me there with them but I personally don't care for the whole atmosphere. Unfortunately it's gotten to the point where my friends spend as much time as possible in those types of places, so naturally I do not spend as much time with them anymore.)

Just FYI - It is considered tacky for the bride's mother to host a shower.

MollyandD

KGold80 said:

show previous quotes

Thank you for your input! That's very true! My mom loves planning get togethers like that so I'm sure that could be arranged. (And I should have clarified about the bar situation as well . Where I live, 18 year olds are allowed in the bars, but the drinking age is 21. Most of friends are already 21 so they like to try to drag me there with them but I personally don't care for the whole atmosphere. Unfortunately it's gotten to the point where my friends spend as much time as possible in those types of places, so naturally I do not spend as much time with them anymore.)

Just FYI - It is considered tacky for the bride's mother to host a shower.

I thought it was ok as long as it wasn't the bride or groom hosting it?

MairePoppy

It's not considered tacky, in my group of friends and family, for the MOB or MOG to host a shower. Every single wedding I've attended in the last twenty years was preceded by a shower hosted by one or both of the mothers or other close family member. We don't like to burden the bms with the cost of hosting a shower, on top of paying for their dresses and travel. Sometimes the bms are listed on the invitations as hosts and they help with set up, serving, clean up etc...but the moms provide the food. 

artbyallie

Nope, no problem with having young wedding party members (and by the way, you don't have to have all girls if there are any men/boys you are close to) since their only role is to wear the attire, walk down the aisle, and be in pictures. You should not be expecting them to throw any parties for you or anything else.

mysticl

Molly&Domenic said:

I can't think of any examples of problems with a young bridal party. I think you will be fine.

On a side note, I think it's kind of funny that you mentioned that you don't enjoy bars. Unless you live somewhere that has a drinking age lower than 21, I don't think bars are even an option for you right now. That was just a random thought as I was reading. But really, I think you'll be happy and fine with your young bridesmaids. 

ETA: It's not a "problem" at all, but it might concern you than they may not be in a position to hold a bridal shower for you. Your parents, or anyone else could still offer, and bridal showers are by no means required. Although this could come up, you shouldn't pick your bridal party based on who can throw a shower. I'm just pointing out that this could come up. 

She's in college.  It is not uncommon for bars that are near college campuses to have a very relaxed carding policy or to let underage patrons into the "restaurant" side and then not notice when they move to the "bar" side.  Especially if the only bathroom is on the bar side.  

OP I was a bridesmaid at 11.  I had no difficulty whatsoever.  I was paired with a groomsman who was much older than me to walk back up the aisle and I stood between him and another groomsman during the receiving line.  Walking with the guy was a tad uncomfortable but that was because I didn't know him and I was shy and he didn't speak to me.  The other guy I stood next to in the receiving line was more outgoing and was nice to me and helped me relax while we greeted a bunch of strangers.  I say just don't subject them to a receiving line and it should be fine.  

mysticl

Molly&Domenic said:

show previous quotes

KGold80 said:

Thank you for your input! That's very true! My mom loves planning get togethers like that so I'm sure that could be arranged. (And I should have clarified about the bar situation as well . Where I live, 18 year olds are allowed in the bars, but the drinking age is 21. Most of friends are already 21 so they like to try to drag me there with them but I personally don't care for the whole atmosphere. Unfortunately it's gotten to the point where my friends spend as much time as possible in those types of places, so naturally I do not spend as much time with them anymore.)

Just FYI - It is considered tacky for the bride's mother to host a shower.

I thought it was ok as long as it wasn't the bride or groom hosting it?

It used to be considered tacky for any family member to host it but that is something that has relaxed with time.  

mysticl

zitiqueen said:

It's funny that you think your age shouldn't matter when it comes to getting married but you think age totally matters when it comes to your bridal party.

Well, she's an adult and they are all legally children so there is a difference.  

ei34

It's awesome that you're close to your sister and cousins. Don't let their ages worry you. As PPs have said, BMs and GM don't have to do anything together that would be inappropriate due to the age difference.

OliveOilsMom

I think the only age problem you may face is that you will need a legal adult to sign for you as a witness on your license.  But you can have any adult attending your ceremony sign as witnesses.

Bubblegum5586

I think you should definitely ask your cousins and sister! Friends come and go sadly but they will always be your family! I think when you look back at your pictures you will think about what a great day it was with the people you loved most!

mysticl

OliveOilsMom said:

I think the only age problem you may face is that you will need a legal adult to sign for you as a witness on your license.  But you can have any adult attending your ceremony sign as witnesses.

If you even need a witness. Not every state requires them.  

CC0805

artbyallie said:

Nope, no problem with having young wedding party members (and by the way, you don't have to have all girls if there are any men/boys you are close to) since their only role is to wear the attire, walk down the aisle, and be in pictures. You should not be expecting them to throw any parties for you or anything else.

I was going to say this. Of course, family is great to have, regardless of age, because friends come and go but family is forever. However, are there any guys that you're close to? One of my best friends is a guy and he's a brides man. He's also ready to step in as man of honor should an issue with my sister come up (very long story)

RebeccaFlower

I wouldn't have your bridesmaids and groomsmen do any walking down the aisle together, but that's the only thing I would see as being a problem and it's really more of a personal opinion. 

lovesclimbing

My 13- and 17-year-old sisters were two of my bridesmaids and they walked up the aisle with groomsmen who were 24 and 23.

It was not awkward at all. @acd818, why do you think it would a "very awkward situation"?

[Deleted User]

One thing you may want to look into is the signing of your marriage license. I live in Ohio and you have to have two witnesses sign your marriage certificate. Typically the MOH & BM do that. You don't have to have those two people do it, it can be anyone, it's just what is typically done in our area. On that note, if the same goes for where you live, you may want to ask if the MOH is under 18, can she sign off as a witness to the ceremony since the marriage license is a legally binding document and individuals under 18 normally aren't allowed to sign legal documents. If that is the case you can have two of the groomsmen or your parents or someone else sign in her place, but better to find that out in advance.