When to do table visits

Gmo5262

I attended a wedding this past weekend where the couple did table visits after they'd eaten their meal. Obviously, that's the proper thing to do, but it took a really long time. We all had to stay in our seats about 45 minutes after we'd finished dinner waiting for the couple to come around to us. My whole table got really antsy waiting for the dancing to get started.

At my wedding I don't want to make people wait like that, but it also seems rude to go around earlier and interrupt them while they're eating. When is the right time to do this? 

mysticl

What do you mean you had to stay in your seats? I've never seen people sit in their seats and wait for the bride and groom to get to them.  It's on the bride and groom to get to everyone.  That's one of the reasons we did a receiving line.  

HisGirlFriday13

We did both a receiving line AND table visits. We started the table visits as soon as we had finished eating (we were served first), and we got to all the tables that we wanted to visit before the dancing started.

Gmo5262

So it's not considered rude to start visiting tables while your guests are still eating?

AprilH81

Gmo5262 said:

So it's not considered rude to start visiting tables while your guests are still eating?

Not at all...  It is a quick 2-3 minutes (5 max) per table to say hello and thank everyone for coming.  If you don't do it while they are eating when are you supposed to do it?  You can't keep people tied to their chairs until you make it to their table, THAT is rude.

Again, this is why we did a receiving line.  We still did table visits as much as possible, but it was a low more low key and less pressure because we knew we had greeted everyone.

mysticl

Gmo5262 said:

So it's not considered rude to start visiting tables while your guests are still eating?

Not in general.  Personally, I find it annoying.  I really don't like it when the bride and groom come up to me and expect me to stop eating to talk to them.    

manateehugger

Honestly all these issues are why we just are going with a receiving line. FI and I want to eat in peace and we figure our guests do too. If you don't have a huge guest list, I'd think about it.

emmyg65

We got our food first, ate quickly, and visited while people were still eating. Yeah, some people got up to walk around or whatever, but we made it to pretty much everyone. We did a receiving line, but we still wanted to mingle with our guests. We also chatted with folks in between dancing.

phira

We don't want to do a receiving line, so as soon as we're doing eating, we're going to start table visits. However, we'll try to start with people who look like they're done eating to avoid disrupting our guests' meal.

In general, though, our goal is to great everyone at some point during the wedding. So it's highly likely that we'll skip, say, the tables with bridesmaids and groomsmen or the table of high school friends I know I'm going to spend the ENTIRE rest of the night drinking and dancing with.

OwningAHome1981

I am literally the last person in my friends and family to get married and ergo have been to a TON of weddings. I have been to only one wedding where a receiving line was done and none where table visits were. I had no idea what a receiving line even was, got antsy on the line (ZERO patience, claustrophobia & anxiety around crowds) and stepped off the line.

I have never felt I had to be personally thanked. I didn't even know people did receiving lines and table visits prior to coming on The Knot. We didn't do either one at my wedding and I asked people after the fact if they felt it was rude we didn't personally thank them and people said "you're supposed to thank US? You fed us and provided alcohol for free, we should be thanking YOU"

I'm not sure what he big deal with receiving lines and table visits are honestly. I'll get a Thank You card - that's enough.

lyndausvi

OwningAHome1981 said:

I am literally the last person in my friends and family to get married and ergo have been to a TON of weddings. I have been to only one wedding where a receiving line was done and none where table visits were. I had no idea what a receiving line even was, got antsy on the line (ZERO patience, claustrophobia & anxiety around crowds) and stepped off the line.

I have never felt I had to be personally thanked. I didn't even know people did receiving lines and table visits prior to coming on The Knot. We didn't do either one at my wedding and I asked people after the fact if they felt it was rude we didn't personally thank them and people said "you're supposed to thank US? You fed us and provided alcohol for free, we should be thanking YOU"

I'm not sure what he big deal with receiving lines and table visits are honestly. I'll get a Thank You card - that's enough.

I've also been to a TON of weddings (last of my to get married).    I never seen a wedding that didn't have one or the other.

Receiving lines were mostly done while exiting the church.  To me there were not anyone longer than exiting the church on any giving Sunday.    Sure some people slip out the side. No biggie,

I'm not a fan of table visits as the only form of greeting your guests. I find they take too long.  But that's just me.    

We ended up with a receiving line.  That was also the line to the bar.  So yeah.  We did table visits, but not formal ones.   If we got to your table fine, if we didn't we mostly likely found you on the dance floor or bar or whatever.  Every guests was spoken to by us.

ETA - I would never invite someone to my home and not greet them.  So I'm a little put off that people seem to think it's acceptable at a wedding.

dcaviston

We are not doing table visits. We just don't see the point, especially at our wedding. Stressing out making sure grown ups have drinks and food? No thank you. But if you are going to do them, my friends did theirs after everyone had gotten their dinners from the buffet line, since the head table ate first, they were able to enjoy their meals and start with the tables that were served first. But no one was made to stay seated.

OwningAHome1981

lyndausvi said:

OwningAHome1981 said:

I am literally the last person in my friends and family to get married and ergo have been to a TON of weddings. I have been to only one wedding where a receiving line was done and none where table visits were. I had no idea what a receiving line even was, got antsy on the line (ZERO patience, claustrophobia & anxiety around crowds) and stepped off the line.

I have never felt I had to be personally thanked. I didn't even know people did receiving lines and table visits prior to coming on The Knot. We didn't do either one at my wedding and I asked people after the fact if they felt it was rude we didn't personally thank them and people said "you're supposed to thank US? You fed us and provided alcohol for free, we should be thanking YOU"

I'm not sure what he big deal with receiving lines and table visits are honestly. I'll get a Thank You card - that's enough.

I've also been to a TON of weddings (last of my to get married).    I never seen a wedding that didn't have one or the other.

Receiving lines were mostly done while exiting the church.  To me there were not anyone longer than exiting the church on any giving Sunday.    Sure some people slip out the side. No biggie,

I'm not a fan of table visits as the only form of greeting your guests. I find they take too long.  But that's just me.    

We ended up with a receiving line.  That was also the line to the bar.  So yeah.  We did table visits, but not formal ones.   If we got to your table fine, if we didn't we mostly likely found you on the dance floor or bar or whatever.  Every guests was spoken to by us.

ETA - I would never invite someone to my home and not
greet them.  So I'm a little put off that people seem to think it's acceptable at a wedding.

Well we had a huge wedding... I mean 10 or so people @ ur house for dinner I would expect everyone to be greeted but at a wedding with over 200 people, it's a lot more difficult.

I really am of the notion a lot of ppl dont feel the need to be personally greeted/thanked. It's certainly a nice gesture but I would never be offended if someone didnt, especially since there is so much going on that day and the B & G are likely nervous and overwhelmed anyway.

lyndausvi

Doesn't matter how many people you invite.  I'm put off at any host who does not make an effort to greet their guests.  I would not go as far as say I'm offended, but yes I think it's in very poor taste.

pinkshorts27

lyndausvi said:

Doesn't matter how many people you invite.  I'm put off at any host who does not make an effort to greet their guests.  I would not go as far as say I'm offended, but yes I think it's in very poor taste.

Seconded. I've been greated and thanked at every wedding that I've been to.

lilacck28

I just went to a wedding as a plus one of my friend. I'd never met the bride or groom. I really wanted the chance to personally thank the bride for having me. The bride thanked me and hugged me. I was pretty touched. 

Sugargirl1019

I was just at a wedding where I never saw the bride (her bridal party table was up on a stage far away), until she was in the middle of her bridesmaids circle dancing on the dance floor. I wanted to at least congratulate her and say hi and bye, and I had to pull her out of the circle to talk.

I wish she had made herself available to talk, or actually come and be a part of the guests! I felt she didn't care that we were there. I would have loved to meet the groom, but he was hiding in a corner somewhere hidden while his wife danced with her friends, ignoring all other guests.

Please make yourself available at least for people to come up and talk! Walk among your guests, smile and make eye contact with them and wave at least.. I swear the bride never went over to one side of the room where over half her tables were.

Jen4948

dcaviston said:

We are not doing table visits. We just don't see the point, especially at our wedding. Stressing out making sure grown ups have drinks and food? No thank you. But if you are going to do them, my friends did theirs after everyone had gotten their dinners from the buffet line, since the head table ate first, they were able to enjoy their meals and start with the tables that were served first. But no one was made to stay seated.

The point is to greet your guests and thank them for coming.  You owe them that for taking the time out of their lives to accept your invitation, get you a gift, dress up, and come to the wedding.  It's not about "stressing out making sure grown ups have drinks and food," although that is in fact the responsibility of the hosts.  If you're the host, then yes, that is your responsibility too.  You are not required to "stress out," but the fact that your guests are "grown ups" doesn't exempt you from it, and the fact that you use this phrasing makes you sound very ungrateful for their attendance.

dcaviston

Jen4948, a thank will be said in our toast prior to eating. Also we aren't asking for gifts and if people accept the invitation to the wedding a formal thank you card will be sent out as is proper. The majority of table visits that are done the hosts don't thank people for coming they are asking if they enjoyed their food and got enough to eat, perhaps that's just the weddings my Fiance and I have been to.

Jen4948

dcaviston said:

Jen4948, a thank will be said in our toast prior to eating. Also we aren't asking for gifts and if people accept the invitation to the wedding a formal thank you card will be sent out as is proper. The majority of table visits that are done the hosts don't thank people for coming they are asking if they enjoyed their food and got enough to eat, perhaps that's just the weddings my Fiance and I have been to.

First of all, you're not supposed to ask for gifts anyway.  They're always optional on the part of the giver-even for weddings.

Second, the whole reception is a thank-you to your guests for attending.  Contrary to popular belief, it is not to showcase the egos of the bride and groom.  And regardless of what was done or not done at the weddings you have attended previously, it is still gracious to thank your guests individually for coming at the tables.  It only takes a few moments.  Not to do so when there is no receiving line does come off as arrogant and not respectful of your guests.  Asking them if they are enjoying themselves is good, but in and of itself it is insufficient as an interaction with the persons you invited who took the time to respond to your invitation, obtain a gift for you, make whatever arrangements were necessary to attend, and actually show up at your ceremony.  The least you can do is thank them for coming. 

And third, formal thank you cards with preprinted "thank you for coming" messages are in fact not proper.  Thank you notes, in which you thank the individual guests for their gifts (not for attending), need to be customized for each guest and for their respective gift and signed by both of you.

vmj23

We waited until after dinner, but people didn't remain in their seats waiting on us. Unfortunately I think we missed some people at the reception becuase they where at the bar or bathroom when we came by and we where pulled in so many directions, but had also done a receiving line after the ceremony and at least one of us spoke with everyone. We also sped through pictures and got to cocktail hour at the tailend and got a few min there to mingle.

JoanE2012

dcaviston said:

Jen4948, a thank will be said in our toast prior to eating. Also we aren't asking for gifts and if people accept the invitation to the wedding a formal thank you card will be sent out as is proper. The majority of table visits that are done the hosts don't thank people for coming they are asking if they enjoyed their food and got enough to eat, perhaps that's just the weddings my Fiance and I have been to.

Well thank goodness!  You never should ask for gifts!  And a thank you card goes without saying.

That said, the least you can do at the reception is spend a minute or two thanking each guest individually.  A generic thank you to the whole room really isn't personal.  I'd be ticked off if I attended and spent most of my day for your wedding (getting ready, driving to the venue, ceremony, 4 or 5 hour reception, drive home) and you never once came over to thank me for attending.  How anyone can host an event and think that is acceptable is beyond me.

lyndausvi

I can not imagine inviting some one to any event and then ignore that fact they choose to come.   I just can not comprehend that.    And yes, by not even making an effort you are basically ignoring them.

Heck, we had a surprise party for my dad this past weekend.  He wasn't even the host and he took time and talk to all 80 guests.  There were people from 12 different states at this party and he wanted  to personally thank them for coming to a party he didn't even know about a few hours earlier.   

 I was a host (along with my mom and siblings) and I made a point of personally thanking everyone who came.    I saw mom and siblings going around the party also.      

Maybe we are the weird ones?

jules3964

What if you are having a small wedding (less than 50 guests) and are sure you will be interacting with everyone anyway? Do you still need to do a formal receiving line or table visits?

lyndausvi

jules3964 said:

What if you are having a small wedding (less than 50 guests) and are sure you will be interacting with everyone anyway? Do you still need to do a formal receiving line or table visits?

IMO  - I don't care how you do it, but it's your responsibility to greet all the guests.  Larger weddings often find receiving lines and/or tables to be the most efficient ways to accomplish that feat.  But they are not the only ways.  

We had a receiving line that doubled as the line to the bar.   It was not intentional or planned.  Every thing was at the same location.   After the ceremony and someone stopped to say congrats then next thing you knew there was a line.    Which happen to be near the bar, so it became the bar line also.

We also hit up some tables throughout the night.   We always greeted people at the bar and on the dance floor.   

jules3964

lyndausvi said:

jules3964 said:

What if you are having a small wedding (less than 50 guests) and are sure you will be interacting with everyone anyway? Do you still need to do a formal receiving line or table visits?

IMO  - I don't care how you do it, but it's your responsibility to greet all the guests.  Larger weddings often find receiving lines and/or tables to be the most efficient ways to accomplish that feat.  But they are not the only ways.  

We had a receiving line that doubled as the line to the bar.   It was not intentional or planned.  Every thing was at the same location.   After the ceremony and someone stopped to say congrats then next thing you knew there was a line.    Which happen to be near the bar, so it became the bar line also.

We also hit up some tables throughout the night.   We always greeted people at the bar and on the dance floor.   

I like this a lot. I'm thinking this may happen naturally for us too, because we would like to mingle a bit with guests right after the ceremony.