what is with people... *rant*

melbelleup

I was going to come on here and post about how my mother's cousin decided her kids are invited to my wedding too, then I saw how many posts are on here about people adding people not invited... like seriously, what don't people get, no invitation = not invited. Your child's name not on the invitation = not invited.. HOW HARD IS IT!!!!??? This was my first add on, of course my dad says "well, I don't think we have another option but let them come" Uh no daddy dearest, we have the option of calling them and telling them their lovely children who I don't talk to other than Christmas eve and barely at that. In fact, I didn't even talk to them during Christmas Eve this year, are not invited to the wedding and the invitation is only for their lovely parents, who I didn't want to invite either. My dad is paying for the reception, so in reality it isn't an issue of mine, more his, but he said he's fine with paying the extra $100 so their kids can come versus confronting them.... To me, this isn't okay. Because if their kids come, what about my mom's other cousin's kids and the ones I actually talk to and grew up with?? They weren't invited because we decided cousin's kids weren't invited... and yes, people will notice. Right now, we're playing the wait and see game. He wants to wait and see what the other cousins do about their kids... but yet, when my mom's cousin's kid got married last summer, we weren't invited. Not even my mom... just my grandma. Grrrr.

HisGirlFriday13

The problem with common sense is that it isn't common anymore.

The other problem is that parents view their children as extensions of themselves and just ASSUME their kids are invited.

Can you get your mom to talk with you dad and make him see the can of worms he's opening with this?

melbelleup

HisGirlFriday13 said:

The problem with common sense is that it isn't common anymore.

The other problem is that parents view their children as extensions of themselves and just ASSUME their kids are invited.

Can you get your mom to talk with you dad and make him see the can of worms he's opening with this?

My mom doesn't know about it yet. I told my dad last night around 9pm and my mom was already asleep. He didn't tell her this morning either. I'm going to call her this evening and make sure she knows. He's basically said it's up to her if they come... so I'm hoping she realizes the faux paws. At the same time, she'll be the one calling them, or at least have to give me their number to call them. I mean, their kids behave, that's not the issues, it's the fact if I let their kids all come it adds 10+ people to the equation, making another $500 that didn't need spent. Not like it's my money, but still...

MrsMcCaw

I would tell them the kids were not invited. Once you let one family get away with it they will all expect their kids to be welcome.

HisGirlFriday13

It's not who's paying (well, it kind of is), so much as it's the principle of the thing.

And if your father wants to allow these kids, is he willing to pay for ALL additional kids who get RSVP'd for? Because that will add up quickly.

My parents very generously paid for our wedding reception and I was STILL militant about nixing uninvited, additional guests -- like DH's co-worker, who wanted to bring 'someone, but I don't know who yet!' or DH's grandmother's sister-in-law's friend. No. Just no. Eff.You.

Get your mom on your side, and then have HER explain to your dad that this is going to be stopped, right now, with no further conversation because it's effing rude.

CrazyCatLady3

I would not take the "wait and see" approach because word will get out and other people will assume it's okay to add their kids, even if they weren't inclined to to begin with.

Jen4948

It should not be up to other guests whether or not two uninvited children are included.

None of these children were invited, and that's what your dad needs to understand, honor, and respect.  I'd die on this hill.  He's enabling downright rudeness.

melbelleup

HisGirlFriday13 said:

It's not who's paying (well, it kind of is), so much as it's the principle of the thing.

And if your father wants to allow these kids, is he willing to pay for ALL additional kids who get RSVP'd for? Because that will add up quickly.

My parents very generously paid for our wedding reception and I was STILL militant about nixing uninvited, additional guests -- like DH's co-worker, who wanted to bring 'someone, but I don't know who yet!' or DH's grandmother's sister-in-law's friend. No. Just no. Eff.You.

Get your mom on your side, and then have HER explain to your dad that this is going to be stopped, right now, with no further conversation because it's effing rude.

This is what I'm hoping for... we'll see. I'll have to update tomorrow with news. When I mentioned to my dad that if these two are invited, what about the other two kids, then the two adult kids that have bfs/husband (so total of 4) and the other person's adult kids (another total of 4).. then he was like, well we'll just wait and see if they add their kids or not. Uh, if someone goes "Abbey and Robert are going to mel's wedding are Caleb and Jane coming too?" And the other person says "Oh I didn't know kids were invited" and just adds them... yeah, we're going to have a mess.


I just don't know what's so hard to people about wedding invitations. I'm definitely going to tell my future sis in law and brother about this so hopefully they can do the whole ____ seats are reserved seeing how I thought you know, my family would know better by reading the envelope doesn't say kids' names soooo they aren't invited. really...... how hard.

Jen4948

"Seats are reserved" may mislead others to think that because the husband can't make it the wife can bring Baby in his place, or something like that. It doesn't convey that the only two people invited are the husband and wife and that the invitation is non-transferable in case one of them can't make it.

melbelleup

Jen4948 said:

"Seats are reserved" may mislead others to think that because the husband can't make it the wife can bring Baby in his place, or something like that. It doesn't convey that the only two people invited are the husband and wife and that the invitation is non-transferable in case one of them can't make it.

very true. I guess in my mind, I'd be okay with that though because we gave everyone a plus one, or invited their SO. HOWEVER their kids were not added into my count. So, little billy and sue will now cost me more money on cake, favors, food etc.

huskypuppy14

It's not just the per person amount for the caterer, it's the centerpieces for the extra table or 2 that is needed, the favors, maybe more chairs need to be rented. This could get out of hand quickly. 

melbelleup

huskypuppy14 said:

It's not just the per person amount for the caterer, it's the centerpieces for the extra table or 2 that is needed, the favors, maybe more chairs need to be rented. This could get out of hand quickly. 

Ya I guess that's my issue. Like, my dad is paying for the reception food and alcohol, but I'm paying for centerpieces (though I have extras already because of declines), cake (would need more), favors, place cards, table charts timing etc... I just hope my mom sees my side of it.

It's not even so much the money as the fact of how rude it is. I'm hoping maybe they just threw away the envelope and didn't know they weren't invited. I could see that happening.

mschristie123

I literally just got off the phone with one of my dad's cousins who called me to TELL me that he was bringing his two  kids. And of course I had to call him back and say, "I'm sorry the invite was only for you and the Mrs. Hope you can come." Gahh! That puts me in such a bad spot! I don't wanna be the bad guy!

The stupidest thing about the whole thing is that he and his wife had RSVPd two weeks ago- for just the two of them! And now decides he is bringing the whole fam.*shakesmyhead*

pinkshorts27

HisGirlFriday13 said:

The problem with common sense is that it isn't common anymore.

The other problem is that parents view their children as extensions of themselves and just ASSUME their kids are invited.

Can you get your mom to talk with you dad and make him see the can of worms he's opening with this?

HisGirlFriday13 I would add that the other problem is that people don't address invitations right.  I've seen a couple instances where the SO wasn't listed on the invite or the kids weren't and the bride or groom was like "Of course they were invited, why wouldn't they be?" or "Of course you get a guest". People who address things wrong confuse everyone. 

HisGirlFriday13

pinkshorts27 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

The problem with common sense is that it isn't common anymore.

The other problem is that parents view their children as extensions of themselves and just ASSUME their kids are invited.

Can you get your mom to talk with you dad and make him see the can of worms he's opening with this?

HisGirlFriday13 I would add that the other problem is that people don't address invitations right.  I've seen a couple instances where the SO wasn't listed on the invite or the kids weren't and the bride or groom was like "Of course they were invited, why wouldn't they be?" or "Of course you get a guest". People who address things wrong confuse everyone. 

This goes to the 'common sense isn't common anymore' as well. It cuts both ways. B/G should have the common sense to address invites correctly; guests should have the common sense to read them correctly.

*sigh*

melbelleup

So to update this lovely situation, we're just letting it go... I told my mom if I end up having to buy more cake because of it she has to pay for it lol but we'll see.

PrettyGirlLost

melbelleup said:

So to update this lovely situation, we're just letting it go... I told my mom if I end up having to buy more cake because of it she has to pay for it lol but we'll see.

You are going to have more possible fall out than your mother having to buy additional cake:

melbelleup said:

.... To me, this isn't okay. Because if their kids come, what about my mom's other cousin's kids and the ones I actually talk to and grew up with?? They weren't invited because we decided cousin's kids weren't invited... and yes, people will notice.

You are risking pissing off other ppl when they find out that it was ok for other plp to be rude, write in their kids, and then bring them.  And if word gets around, you may have many ppl RSVPing for additional kids that were never invited- which means you will need extra tables, centerpieces, meals, etc.

melbelleup

PrettyGirlLost said:

melbelleup said:

So to update this lovely situation, we're just letting it go... I told my mom if I end up having to buy more cake because of it she has to pay for it lol but we'll see.

You are going to have more possible fall out than your mother having to buy additional cake:

melbelleup said:

.... To me, this isn't okay. Because if their kids come, what about my mom's other cousin's kids and the ones I actually talk to and grew up with?? They weren't invited because we decided cousin's kids weren't invited... and yes, people will notice.

You are risking pissing off other ppl when they find out that it was ok for other plp to be rude, write in their kids, and then bring them.  And if word gets around, you may have many ppl RSVPing for additional kids that were never invited- which means you will need extra tables, centerpieces, meals, etc.

Completely agree, but we've already had 20+ people decline so it won't get over what we already budgeted for. They're playing for the reception, so meals tables etc isn't an issue in my parents mind. Perks of letting others pay for it... they get a say in the guest list. If others list their children I still think my parents would be okay with it oh well, we'll see when we get there.