Was it my bad for not doing the plus 1?

windie

As this is the board i post to most often ( and you all are actually kind!) i am wondering if i was wrong in not doing a & guest on the invite - here's the situation:

Long time friends, since i was a teen & used to babysit their kids (i'm in my 30's). Consider them to be like parents (i've been introduced to their friends as their "other" daughter). They divorced this year (about 2 months ago, maybe?), but it was peaceful & they are still great friends. I seperatly invited both of them (& their kids who also got their own invites). I addressed the invites to just them. The mom rsvp'd for 2 adults. I just never expected her to already be seeing someone! And I am SURE she knows I invited her whole family.

We are okay on the numbers, so its okay, but I am not sure if I feel bad for not adding a plus 1 for her. Although I have to admit she is the last person I would have thought would rsvp for more than what was on the invite...

tammym1001

You didn't have to give them a +1 if they are really single, but if she was dating someone when the invites went out then that person should have been invited. Do you know who the +1 is? Is it an actual date or does she just want to bring a friend or something?

chibiyui

It is nice to extend plus ones to truly single guests, but not required. Anyone you invite who is in a relationship must be invited as a couple.

Mistakes do happen though. Just apologize that you wete unaware she was in a realationship.

windie

She didn't put a name on the card except for hers, so i dont know if its just a friend or a date or if she is in a relationship!

chibiyui

Then maybe you should call and ask?

Kristen625

I don't think you did anything wrong.  FI and I gave everyone a plus one whether they were in a relationship or not.  That was something FI felt very strongly about since he has "been boned before" on that.  Now most our single friends opted out of bringing a guest, or didn't indicate either way.  We do have one friend who said she didn't want to bring anyone because she felt like plus ones were reserved for people in relationships.  I told her that she is welcome to bring her friend S with her, who is her best friend and basically her sister.  I pushed that for this particular friend because she can be/feel awkward in social situations, and not that she doesn't have other friends that will be there, but I think she will be more comfortable with a buddy.  So it is entirely possible that the lady is bringing a friend or fellow family member like a sister or something just so she will feel more comfortable and maybe even make sure she has someone to talk to.  I don't think you need to ask her who her plus one is.  Because it doesn't matter really whether she brings a male or female, friend or new s/o.  I would let her come with the plus one and leave it at that. And don't beat yourself up about not putting on there a plus one.  You aren't required to do it for single people, and as far as you were concerned, she was single.

00kim00

You don't have to give a +1 to anyone truly single. We gave +1s to some of our guests but not others. For us, if they wouldn't know anyone but us or us and one other person, they got a +1. In your situation, i probably would have given a +1 to both of the former couple. It could be awkward showing up in public at the same event when people knew you as married and now you're not, so the moral support may help. You didn't do anything wrong, but if it were me, I'd now ask him if he wants to bring someone. Otherwise he'll notice she got to bring a date and he didn't and may feel slighted by you.

windie

00kim00 said:

You don't have to give a +1 to anyone truly single. We gave +1s to some of our guests but not others. For us, if they wouldn't know anyone but us or us and one other person, they got a +1. In your situation, i probably would have given a +1 to both of the former couple. It could be awkward showing up in public at the same event when people knew you as married and now you're not, so the moral support may help. You didn't do anything wrong, but if it were me, I'd now ask him if he wants to bring someone. Otherwise he'll notice she got to bring a date and he didn't and may feel slighted by you.

I might do this - although I don't think he would bring a date - the divorce (after like 30 years i think?) was because is he gay - and i don't know if he has come out to everyone. There will be other people he knows from church groups and such there so he might not want to come out to them in such a public manner.