When is GoFundMe okay?

Maggie0829

FiancB said:

I also get annoyed with begging for IVF or, in particular, adoption fees. My nephew was adopted through foster care and it cost next to nothing. 

Maggie, I could ask every relative and max out every card and take out every loan and still not have the money to pay for some procedures for my imaginary sick kid. Some cost hundreds of thousands of dollars. 

You are quite right.  Some cost a ridiculous amount of money.  But then I would be in debt to the hospital.  I would talk with them about payment plans.  I would figure out a way that does not involve asking strangers for money.  Or having others ask strangers for me.

BreMR

My aunt got cancer and was uninsured because of a job loss and was about to have insurance a month later from her husband (they had just gotten married) and she set up payment plans with the hospital and even though she was making payments they still sent them to collection.

My daughter is insured even though I'm unemployed because I know how expensive medical care is, but if there was a moment that my insurance didn't cover it, and I didn't know how I was going to pay for her survival, I'd knock on every single door in the the city begging for money if it meant saving her life.  I don't think my dignity would be as important as my daughter's life at any point. 

 I don't disagree that you should exhaust all options before you resort to asking people for money, but there is a reason why charities exist..because people like to give money for causes that mean something to them.  I donate to St. Jude's every Christmas season because it's a cause I believe in and because I'm thankful my daughter is healthy,  It is nice to know that if there ever a time she isn't and I couldn't afford her healthcare there is a place like St. Jude's that exists, and people who would want to help.

SapphireCounselor

Maggie0829 said:

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FiancB said:

I also get annoyed with begging for IVF or, in particular, adoption fees. My nephew was adopted through foster care and it cost next to nothing. 

Maggie, I could ask every relative and max out every card and take out every loan and still not have the money to pay for some procedures for my imaginary sick kid. Some cost hundreds of thousands of dollars. 

You are quite right.  Some cost a ridiculous amount of money.  But then I would be in debt to the hospital.  I would talk with them about payment plans.  I would figure out a way that does not involve asking strangers for money.  Or having others ask strangers for me.

Maggie, I understand where you are coming from. I really do. But these options and resources simply aren't available to everyone. Sometimes there just isn't another choice in these types of situations. This is coming from someone who could depend on family to help if ish happened to us medically. But I also recognize that I am very privileged in this regard. As a member of the middle class, I have privileges and resources other people don't.

FutureMrsN3312

This kid I went to hs with started a bunch of these types of funds and continues to blast them all over FB.  He has cancer and no insurance.  I thought about donating a small amount until I see other stuff he posts...trips to AC...going out to clubs....this, that, and the other.  I have a problem donating to someone crying poor but living it up.  Not gonna happen on my dime.

Yea I'm judging and I don't care...

I'm also in the boat of liking animals more than people...

BreMR

FutureMrsN3312 said:

This kid I went to hs with started a bunch of these types of funds and continues to blast them all over FB.  He has cancer and no insurance.  I thought about donating a small amount until I see other stuff he posts...trips to AC...going out to clubs....this, that, and the other.  I have a problem donating to someone crying poor but living it up.  Not gonna happen on my dime.

Yea I'm judging and I don't care...

I'm also in the boat of liking animals more than people...

Kids and animals always get my donation dollars

VulgarGirl

lovesclimbing said:

I don't like GoFundMe, or asking for money in general, in almost any situation.

Extreme medical expenses because of something unexpected? Sometimes. However, I would probably never ask for myself. I know someone who my parents gave money to a few years back, and it was actually their church that asked on behalf of them if anyone was willing to give.  No guilt trips or anything involved.

I would give money to an adoption, if I knew the couple well, but not for IVF.  I hope I don't get flamed for this, but I feel that IVF is having a kid because you want a child (which is a perfectly legitimate reason), while adoption is because you want a child, but you're also giving a child a chance at a good life, who otherwise would probably have a very poor life.

Re: adoptions are free if you foster to adopt.

That doesn't always work. My H has two siblings who are adopted from another country. His parents tried to adopt children here. Three times, they got children through fostering to adopt, but each time, the mom ended up wanting the child back and getting the child back.  After the third time, his parents decided they could not do that anymore. It was extremely painful for them to get a child, grow attached to that child and then a month or two later, the child get taken back. So they decided to go overseas. (They did not ask for money. They had enough money to do it.)

This might vary state to state. In my state once the kid in foster care is up for adoption, the bio parents no longer have any rights to come back in and say "Oh no wait, I want to be a mom/dad again". Now kids in foster care who could potentially be adopted are another matter. And mom/dad can come back in and say "Oh no wait, I want to be a mom/dad again". I'm not sure about other state's laws.

VulgarGirl

FutureMrsN3312 said:

This kid I went to hs with started a bunch of these types of funds and continues to blast them all over FB.  He has cancer and no insurance.  I thought about donating a small amount until I see other stuff he posts...trips to AC...going out to clubs....this, that, and the other.  I have a problem donating to someone crying poor but living it up.  Not gonna happen on my dime.

Yea I'm judging and I don't care...

I'm also in the boat of liking animals more than people...

I wouldn't donate a fucking dime to that kid. I'd probably question if he even has cancer. Because I can be a judgey bitch from time to time.

mysticl

lovesclimbing said:

mysticl said:

lovesclimbing said:

I don't like GoFundMe, or asking for money in general, in almost any situation.

Extreme medical expenses because of something unexpected? Sometimes. However, I would probably never ask for myself. I know someone who my parents gave money to a few years back, and it was actually their church that asked on behalf of them if anyone was willing to give.  No guilt trips or anything involved.

I would give money to an adoption, if I knew the couple well, but not for IVF.  I hope I don't get flamed for this, but I feel that IVF is having a kid because you want a child (which is a perfectly legitimate reason), while adoption is because you want a child, but you're also giving a child a chance at a good life, who otherwise would probably have a very poor life.

Re: adoptions are free if you foster to adopt.

That doesn't always work. My H has two siblings who are adopted from another country. His parents tried to adopt children here. Three times, they got children through fostering to adopt, but each time, the mom ended up wanting the child back and getting the child back.  After the third time, his parents decided they could not do that anymore. It was extremely painful for them to get a child, grow attached to that child and then a month or two later, the child get taken back. So they decided to go overseas. (They did not ask for money. They had enough money to do it.)

Their situation has nothing to do with it being free.  No, fostering does not always lead to adoption.  In those specific cases if the mother was able to get the kids back those children were not legally free to be adopted and that should have been made clear to the foster parents at the time of placement.  The child leaving to go somewhere is part of foster care. The first goal is almost always to return the child to their biological parents. We never, ever guaranteed parents an adoption.  

You're right about that having nothing to do with it being free. I was just saying adopting within the states doesn't always work out. They could have tried again and again, I suppose, but it got really painful for them.

Adopting in general does not always work out.  There have been plenty of international adoptions that fall through too.  There have been many situations that for whatever reason the child's home country decides they don't want Americans adopting their children.