Adding on people in the RSVP

anm2n

Hey! So, our wedding is one month way from today! RSVP have been coming and my FI, my mom, and I have been noticing this trend: people writing in plus ones when we clearly did not invite them (was not on the inner envelope). Apparently, these write ins are significant others, but we had no idea they were. I know you are supposed to include SO in weddings, regardless, but is it rude for them to write them in? Should they have called? We have ample space in our venue, but we are keeping it small because...well...we want to. FI and I both have large families, so we were not able to invite all the friends we wanted to (my parents are paying). What would you do, or should we do with these written in guest?

Inkdancer

I guess that depends on how many. You should have invited SOs to begin with, but if there are 40 new people added you could really be in a bind. But ultimately, I'd try to roll with it. Who knows: these SOs could end up marrying your guests, and you'll be glad you had them there!

ashleyep

It's rude for them to write someone in if they're not on the invite. It's possible they didn't think and just assumed SO was invited. If it was intentional, they should have called and asked.

SOs should be invited, you should make room for them. You can't excluded people's SOs because you're trying to save on space.

RebeccaB88

You apologize profusely for your rudeness in not inviting their SO, and tell them of course they are invited. Not knowing doesn't excuse it. It was your responsibility to find out before you sent the invitation. However, your guests are giving you an out, so use it graciously. It won't be any big deal by the wedding day.

For future reference to other brides - if you don't know if someone is in a relationship, ASK. 

anm2n

Thanks! To the above post, I am not hosting the event, my parents are, so I doubt apologizing is going to be an option, especially since the one I'm really upset with is only invited because she's a first cousin...I didn't grow up with her, know nothing about her, etc. I still think a call would have been nice, but everyone else that we KNEW had an SO was invited. Again, we aren't even sure these are SOs, we are just assuming. 

RebeccaB88

If you don't know...call and ask! Seriously, you do need to find out. It's that important. And if the write-ins are SO's, then an apology is absolutely in order.  Again, it was your (or whoever issued the invitations) responsibility to find out before the invitations were sent. It doesn't matter if you don't know her or know nothing about her (then why is she invited to your wedding if she's a virtual stranger?), you or someone was still supposed to find out so you avoided doing something rude to her like not inviting her SO.  So someone, either you or your parents, needs to get hold of her and everyone else who wrote someone in and find out who they are.  If it's an SO, apologize and invite them. If they aren't, then you're within your rights to tell them their guest can't be accommodated.

But really, not apologizing for your error is a really sucky thing to do to someone.

kgd7357

Luckily I think we'll be in the clear with this, since I sent lots of awkward emails BEFORE sending invites asking if that girl in my guest's facebook pics are their gfs...

But certainly call or email to ID the add on. As PPs have said, if it's a SO, say sorry, and we look forward to meeting him/her. If not, say I'm sorry, but we just don't have the space/budget/whatever.

bananasplit472001

Inviting SO is not required for everyone.  For example if you have guests under the age of 18 who wrote in SO you are not required to honor that request.  If a truly single person writes in a plus one you also do not have to honor that request and they should be told that.  However, anyone that is an adult and is in an actual relationship should have a SO invited, the same would go for anyone who is currently engaged.  I would first find out who these plus one's that people added in are.  I guarantee that some of them may not be actually be SO but instead "dates", in that case you are not obligated to invite the dates and will have to tell them that the invite is just for them.  If you chose not to honor any of the write-ins that is at your discretion and may cause several of your guest to RSVP "no" if they do not want to go alone.

anm2n

Thanks for that. Apparently one was an SO (a cousin of mine who has apparently been with this guys for years, but I really has no idea because I've never seen of heard of him before...distance family). My mom is just letting people write them in regardless...it's her money so....yeah...