Wedding Etiquette Forum

Shower Guest Lists

So my FMIL has been bothering me to get her the guest list for a shower, and my head is ready to explode.

FMIL has a group of besties who call themselves the Ya-Yas. (Yes, like the book, except there are about 8 of them.) Two of these ladies are co-hosting a couple's shower. I have told them that I trust them to hold an excellent party, and please don't worry about things because the only must-have for me is cake. (All parties should have cake.)

So I'm wondering this: who is it appropriate to invite to this shower? They have offered to host up to 100 people (which would cover nearly my entire guest list, so no worries there).

My thoughts: invite the Ya-Yas, their children/children-in-law, and my bridesmaids and parents. Does that sound okay? Should I invite more people? I am bad at parties.
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Re: Shower Guest Lists

  • Your bridal party, closest friends and family (cousins, aunts, grandma, whatever). Since it's his side hosting it, also included his female relatives. Some people do every female guest, but that seems like quite a stretch to me. Basically the people you are closest to. 

    But if those people are the only ones you want there, then that's fine. you can just invite them.
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  • Inkdancer said:
    So my FMIL has been bothering me to get her the guest list for a shower, and my head is ready to explode.

    FMIL has a group of besties who call themselves the Ya-Yas. (Yes, like the book, except there are about 8 of them.) Two of these ladies are co-hosting a couple's shower. I have told them that I trust them to hold an excellent party, and please don't worry about things because the only must-have for me is cake. (All parties should have cake.)

    So I'm wondering this: who is it appropriate to invite to this shower? They have offered to host up to 100 people (which would cover nearly my entire guest list, so no worries there).

    My thoughts: invite the Ya-Yas, their children/children-in-law, and my bridesmaids and parents. Does that sound okay? Should I invite more people? I am bad at parties.

    That sounds like it's a party for your FMIL's friends and their families, not for you.  Can you just invite close family members, friends and BMs? 
    doeydo
  • scribe95 said:
    Well first off only invite those invited to the wedding. Are your FMIL's friends' children/'children in law invited? That seems stretching it a bit.

    Just choose who you are closest to.
    All of these people are invited. There's a reason FI's side of the guest list is so much larger than mine.
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  • aRachel21 said:
    Inkdancer said:
    So my FMIL has been bothering me to get her the guest list for a shower, and my head is ready to explode.

    FMIL has a group of besties who call themselves the Ya-Yas. (Yes, like the book, except there are about 8 of them.) Two of these ladies are co-hosting a couple's shower. I have told them that I trust them to hold an excellent party, and please don't worry about things because the only must-have for me is cake. (All parties should have cake.)

    So I'm wondering this: who is it appropriate to invite to this shower? They have offered to host up to 100 people (which would cover nearly my entire guest list, so no worries there).

    My thoughts: invite the Ya-Yas, their children/children-in-law, and my bridesmaids and parents. Does that sound okay? Should I invite more people? I am bad at parties.

    That sounds like it's a party for your FMIL's friends and their families, not for you.  Can you just invite close family members, friends and BMs? 
    I'm with you. I feel like they want to have a party for FMIL, not for me and FI. But they're nice ladies and it's tradition, so I felt too guilty to turn them down.

    My parents are the only close family members I have. My FSIL (FI's brother's wife) is hosting another shower for us in July for family, so I don't want to double-dip into FI's family. My bridesmaids are also very far out of town, so only one could come. (I asked them if they wanted invites, only one said yes.)

    So... yeah, it's an awkward situation for me.
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  • I'd ask FI who he wants to have invited. Since it's a couple's shower, and these are his mother's friends, I'd put the ball in his court.

    And while I agree that this is more a party for your FMIL and her friends than for you and FI, if they want to host it, and want to host 100 people, give them your 'must invites' and tell them to add anyone else from their side of the guest list if they want to.

    Or, alternatively, tell them, 'You may invite anyone EXCEPT' and then list your exceptions.
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    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    Inkdancermelbelleup
  • Only people that are invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower.  If your not planning on inviting all these people to the wedding do not include them in the shower invites.  Also you should be inviting people in your family.  What about your aunts, cousins, grandmas?  Really those are the people who should be invited since the shower is for the bride.
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  • Only people that are invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower.  If your not planning on inviting all these people to the wedding do not include them in the shower invites.  Also you should be inviting people in your family.  What about your aunts, cousins, grandmas?  Really those are the people who should be invited since the shower is for the bride.
    All of the above proposed people are invited to the wedding.

    And like I said, I don't have family to invite. One grandmother is deceased, the other has cancer and cannot travel. Both of my aunts are drug addicts and are not welcome at my wedding. None of my cousins are invited--except the 16-year-old who lives with my parents, but he's in a facility dealing with some issues right now. He may or may not be released for my wedding, depending on his behavior. (If he is released, he gets to be an usher.)
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited May 2014
    Inkdancer said:
    So my FMIL has been bothering me to get her the guest list for a shower, and my head is ready to explode.

    FMIL has a group of besties who call themselves the Ya-Yas. (Yes, like the book, except there are about 8 of them.) Two of these ladies are co-hosting a couple's shower. I have told them that I trust them to hold an excellent party, and please don't worry about things because the only must-have for me is cake. (All parties should have cake.)

    So I'm wondering this: who is it appropriate to invite to this shower? They have offered to host up to 100 people (which would cover nearly my entire guest list, so no worries there).

    My thoughts: invite the Ya-Yas, their children/children-in-law, and my bridesmaids and parents. Does that sound okay? Should I invite more people? I am bad at parties.
    If all these people are invited and you really want to include them, this would be enough.
    Inkdancer
  • Do you have any friends in the area who will be attending the wedding?  You can invite them.
    photo composite_14153800476219.jpg
    doeydo
  • Thanks for the advice, all. Guess this ended up being more about me feeling lonely than about real invite dilemmas.
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  • doeydodoeydo member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Since it is a couple's shower for you and your FI, I think you should make a list of people you would like to attend and your FI can make a list of people he would like to attend.  IMO, just because FMIL is hosting it does not mean she can control the guest list or invite all of her friends and family.  It is a party for the couple, not for the hostess.
    image
    Inkdancer
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