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Pre-wedding Parties

Bride doesn't want to open gifts....

So I'm throwing a bridal shower for one of my BM's that's also getting married this year (obviously ha). Anyway, she's specifically asked that she not be forced to open gifts in front of everyone. I feel like that will come off as really rude and told her that some of the guests might take offense. She just said that she really doesn't feel comfortable with it (as it was "weird" at her first shower), and that people won't care. The guest list is over 50 so that's a lot of gifts that will just sit on a table. I feel like I'm going to look like a terrible host, but as it's not about me, I wanted to see if ya'll think it's fine just honoring her wishes and not doing a gift opening at all...thoughts?
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Re: Bride doesn't want to open gifts....

  • mysticlmysticl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    The whole point of a shower is to give gifts.  A lot of people look forward to seeing the bride open them.  I don't see her idea going over so well.
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  • ElcaBElcaB member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    People will probably care. Yes, it can be a little awkward, but a well-timed trip to the mimosa bar before gift opening should take care of that. 
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    MinnieLovesMikichibiyui
  • I don't think there's any point in making the bride uncomfortable at a party for her -- if you love her so much you'll host 50+ people (wow), then her feelings must be important to you, right? I think you should pick between doing what she wants because jeez it's what she wants and screw how it "looks," or bowing out of hosting altogether if you care too much about her friends judging you (assuming the invites haven't gone out obviously).

    The real question is, though, why does the shower exist if she doesn't want to open presents? If it's just because she wants to have All the Traditional Parties, then that's a bit silly IMO. But then I've never understood the point of having showers in this day and age anyhow. Frankly if I were invited to a shower I'd be much more likely to go if someone could promise me that there wouldn't be a giant hour-long ritual present-opening.
  • She really needs to open gifts at her shower, it is rude not to.  If she did not want to open gifts she should have declined the shower.
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  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Tough shit. She either opens the gifts or she doesn't get a shower.
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    sarawifenowBlue_Bird
  • Why don't you just change the name of the party and call it a bridal tea or luncheon or something? Give everyone food, celebrate the bride, play all the same silly shower games, etc. She'll probably get a bunch of presents anyhow but presumably doesn't have to open them (I'm guessing Emily Post says you shouldn't open presents in front of everyone if some people didn't bring them). Then your friend can avoid offending traditionalists but doesn't have to do something that makes her uncomfortable for whatever reason. 

    I think the worst thing you could do would be to pressure her to do something she doesn't want to do. Better to withdraw the party altogether (although that would be a major overreaction IMO) than to try to get her to do something that makes her uncomfortable.
  • Thanks for all the replies, ladies! I actually already ordered the invites (everything in my life this year is a "to-do" list item and anything I can get done ahead of time gets done, etc.). Anyway, I have the standard, "Bride is registered at blah blah" at the bottom of the invite so no changing it to a tea or a luncheon. Besides, she wants a shower because she wants the gifts that come with it. I'm not (nor can I) make her do anything, so there won't be a gift opening. I think my problem is that I know it's rude, so I can't imagine what others are thinking. I mean, I put a lot of thought into her gift as well and I don't even get to watch her open it...
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I didn't open the gifts at my shower and I regret it still: over 25 years ago.
  • I didn't want to open gifts at mine either.  I wanted to use that time to get to mingle with the party attenders more.  Everything etiquette wise I could find about it said that is an absolute NO.  I hope your friend changed her mind if she already had her shower.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If she doesn't want to open the gifts, then she shouldn't have a shower.
  • My friend wants the same thing. We are trying to get the word out that it's going to be more of a get together so people are more then welcome to wrap in clear plastic cellophane...... but if people wrap she will be opening them. The point of the shower is to shower with presents. So you can't not open them. I'm hoping word of mouth will help encourage people. I'm not married, but to be honest as a guest I find it annoying to sit and watch people open appliances and china.... even when it's my toaster they're opening. You register for it.... If brides are as nosey as I would be then they'd see it was bought off their registry..... so there's no surprise, right? But you know a few people would be upset if she didn't open them, so you gotta do it.....
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think you need to have a "come to Jesus" talk with her and say you are uncomfortable hosting a shower where gifts aren't opened as that is the whole point of the shower. Frankly, either she opens gifts or don't throw the shower, there is no way to do this without you both (you as the host as well) looking like gimme pig gift grabbers.

  • I think you need to have a "come to Jesus" talk with her and say you are uncomfortable hosting a shower where gifts aren't opened as that is the whole point of the shower. Frankly, either she opens gifts or don't throw the shower, there is no way to do this without you both (you as the host as well) looking like gimme pig gift grabbers.
    UGH I know this is true. I just had my own shower and while yes, it was a bit awkward opening so many gifts (it took a really long time and I worried about people getting bored), it was also fun to see who picked out what, etc. I had a big shower and was surprised that people would want me to hold up everything and asked that I repeat myself if they couldn't hear.

    I think that's what's really bothering me - this is obviously a blatant gift grab (judging by the amount of overlap in the guest list between this and her first shower that was held almost 8 months before the wedding), but yet she's not even willing to pretend for appearance's sake and just open gifts. I've talked to her about it and the other bridesmaids, but they don't seem to think it's as big of a deal as I do. I think people there will ask and if they do, I need to have a good response ready. I'm thinking I'll just say, "she specifically asked not to open them during the shower, I'm sorry..." Such a gross situation. Why can't people just get some manners?!
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    I think you need to have a "come to Jesus" talk with her and say you are uncomfortable hosting a shower where gifts aren't opened as that is the whole point of the shower. Frankly, either she opens gifts or don't throw the shower, there is no way to do this without you both (you as the host as well) looking like gimme pig gift grabbers.
    UGH I know this is true. I just had my own shower and while yes, it was a bit awkward opening so many gifts (it took a really long time and I worried about people getting bored), it was also fun to see who picked out what, etc. I had a big shower and was surprised that people would want me to hold up everything and asked that I repeat myself if they couldn't hear.

    I think that's what's really bothering me - this is obviously a blatant gift grab (judging by the amount of overlap in the guest list between this and her first shower that was held almost 8 months before the wedding), but yet she's not even willing to pretend for appearance's sake and just open gifts. I've talked to her about it and the other bridesmaids, but they don't seem to think it's as big of a deal as I do. I think people there will ask and if they do, I need to have a good response ready. I'm thinking I'll just say, "she specifically asked not to open them during the shower, I'm sorry..." Such a gross situation. Why can't people just get some manners?!
    Hold up, there is an overlap in her guest list?  Oh hell no.  That is so freaking rude on her part.  Look if she wants gifts then she needs to grow the fuck up and realize that she needs to open them at her party.  She sounds like a little brat.

    If I was you I would hand over the invites to another BM and back out of doing anything for this party.  You shouldn't be made to look bad because of the bride being a little twit.

  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    I think you need to have a "come to Jesus" talk with her and say you are uncomfortable hosting a shower where gifts aren't opened as that is the whole point of the shower. Frankly, either she opens gifts or don't throw the shower, there is no way to do this without you both (you as the host as well) looking like gimme pig gift grabbers.
    UGH I know this is true. I just had my own shower and while yes, it was a bit awkward opening so many gifts (it took a really long time and I worried about people getting bored), it was also fun to see who picked out what, etc. I had a big shower and was surprised that people would want me to hold up everything and asked that I repeat myself if they couldn't hear.

    I think that's what's really bothering me - this is obviously a blatant gift grab (judging by the amount of overlap in the guest list between this and her first shower that was held almost 8 months before the wedding), but yet she's not even willing to pretend for appearance's sake and just open gifts. I've talked to her about it and the other bridesmaids, but they don't seem to think it's as big of a deal as I do. I think people there will ask and if they do, I need to have a good response ready. I'm thinking I'll just say, "she specifically asked not to open them during the shower, I'm sorry..." Such a gross situation. Why can't people just get some manners?!

    I almost think that is worse! If a host said to me "I know it's rude but what could I do?" after something nasty, my first thought would be " How about NOT choosing to do it?!". You need to tell your friend that you are hosting a.) only people who weren't at the last shower and b.) she is opening presents. If she cannot acquiesce to those really, really small demands you need to back out of hosting. It reflects very poorly on you, even if you qualify/apologise.
  • biggrouchbiggrouch member
    100 Love Its Second Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper
    edited May 2014
    OP, honestly, try to have faith that people will recognize that the unconventional nature of the shower was probably the bride's choice, and that they will recognize the sincerity and generosity of your efforts in hosting the shower. Anyone who judged you for this would be incredibly unkind. What are you going to do, actively make her do something that she's told you makes her feel uncomfortable? You've picked the option, in my opinion, that causes the least total harm to people (as opposed to backing out or forcing the bride into something), so own that. You sound like a nice person and a good friend and you shouldn't live your life worrying that your choices will be judged.
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    biggrouch said:
    OP, honestly, try to have faith that people will recognize that the unconventional nature of the shower was probably the bride's choice, and that they will recognize the sincerity and generosity of your efforts in hosting the shower. Anyone who judged you for this would be incredibly unkind. What are you going to do, actively make her do something that she's told you makes her feel uncomfortable? You've picked the option, in my opinion, that causes the least total harm to people (as opposed to backing out or forcing the bride into something), so own that. You sound like a nice person and a good friend and you shouldn't live your life worrying that your choices will be judged.
    However, as you are the hostess, it WILL reflect on you no matter what. Unfortunately, in this day and age, there are so many rude showers and people that don't know better, that many people are desensitised to having their feelings hurt and being upset. Yes, I know a lot of people that would feel slighted that they spent time and money getting a shower gift and they don't get to see them open it. Why would you WANT to host something that does that? It puts the happiness of one (the bride) over the happiness of the rest (the guests). Yes, she is the guest of honour, but within reason! Please don't perpetuate the rudeness. I feel like people in general need to stop bowing to all of this gift grabbing, PPD, selfish behaviour and just POLITELY decline hosting/ attending. It feeds the "Everyone loves me and I don't care what the rest think" mentality plaguing these boards and weddings in general.
  • However, as you are the hostess, it WILL reflect on you no matter what. 

    IMO, to worry about how something "reflects" on you is to greatly misplace your energy and priorities. If she thinks she's doing the right thing, then she's an adult and should stand by that. If she's not doing the right thing she should change course. But life is too short to spend it in fear of the side-eyes of people who are eating your food and drinking your beverages at a party you're generously hosting for someone else's wedding.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    biggrouch said:
    However, as you are the hostess, it WILL reflect on you no matter what. 

    IMO, to worry about how something "reflects" on you is to greatly misplace your energy and priorities. If she thinks she's doing the right thing, then she's an adult and should stand by that. If she's not doing the right thing she should change course. But life is too short to spend it in fear of the side-eyes of people who are eating your food and drinking your beverages at a party you're generously hosting for someone else's wedding.
    Um, sorry but if I were hosting a party I certainly would not want my guests to be side-eyeing me or thinking me a bad host because the guest of honor refuses to open her gifts.  Unless the host of the event makes an announcement such as "Just to let you know Bride-to-be is being a brat and refuses to open your gifts" so that everyone knows the real reason for the lack of gift opening.  But even that makes the host look poorly because she is being a tattle tail.

  • edited May 2014

    Ok, I've gotten reamed on this board for this already but I don't care: I did not want to open gifts at my shower, I didn't and ya know what? It was awesome! I'm not telling you or anyone else they should do this nor am I saying it's proper etiquette, but for me, I would have been absolutely miserable opening gifts AND believe it or not, as a guest, I actually prefer if the bride doesn't. I find it so boring to watch them open gifts for an hour and feel the time could be better used mingling, eating, drinking, playing games and allowing everyone else to get to know eachother better. People are better than any gift you could receive anyhow.


    That said, I also had a HUGE shower. I had 90 people @ my shower. My mom paid for it and hosted and we have a large family plus she invited people from work. Not my doing or choice, it was my mom's choice b/c she paid for it and that is how many people she wanted there. I couldn't imagine opening over 90+ gifts.


    Also, again, NOT telling anyone to do this - but, this is actually very popular where I am from and in my group of friends.


    For my particular situation it worked. Ultimately you can't please everyone so some people are going to have something to say either way.

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  • edited May 2014
    mysticl said:
    The whole point of a shower is to give gifts.  A lot of people look forward to seeing the bride open them.  I don't see her idea going over so well.

    I don't really agree with this. I don't go to a shower b/c I want to give the bride a gift. I go to shower b/c I want to spend time with her & wish her happiness, which also happens to entail giving her a gift... but gift-giving for me isn't the principal purpose of going, nor should it be the bride's principal purpose for having one.


    My purpose of having a shower was to have all the women I love together in one room. It wasn't about gifts at all. Maybe everyone else feels different (? - totally fine), but not opening gifts people on this board seem to think is so wrong and I really don't see an issue with it.


    :::::shrug::::: Different strokes for different folks, I guess

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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    mysticl said:
    The whole point of a shower is to give gifts.  A lot of people look forward to seeing the bride open them.  I don't see her idea going over so well.

    I don't really agree with this. I don't go to a shower b/c I want to give the bride a gift. I go to shower b/c I want to spend time with her & wish her happiness, which also happens to entail giving her a gift... but gift-giving for me isn't the principal purpose of going, nor should it be the bride's principal purpose for having one.


    My purpose of having a shower was to have all the women I love together in one room. It wasn't about gifts at all. Maybe everyone else feels different (? - totally fine), but not opening gifts people on this board seem to think is so wrong and I really don't see an issue with it.


    :::::shrug::::: Different strokes for different folks, I guess

    If this is what you or the OP's bridemaid want, a party with no gift opening, go ahead and have the party but don't call it a "shower."  To call a party a "shower" implies that gifts will be given and opened in the presence of the guests as the party's agenda.  It just is not appropriate to have a "shower" where gifts are not opened.  To do that is a bait-and-switch which is never appropriate.
  • Jen4948 said:




    mysticl said:

    The whole point of a shower is to give gifts.  A lot of people look forward to seeing the bride open them.  I don't see her idea going over so well.



    I don't really agree with this. I don't go to a shower b/c I want to give the bride a gift. I go to shower b/c I want to spend time with her & wish her happiness, which also happens to entail giving her a gift... but gift-giving for me isn't the principal purpose of going, nor should it be the bride's principal purpose for having one.


    My purpose of having a shower was to have all the women I love together in one room. It wasn't about gifts at all. Maybe everyone else feels different (? - totally fine), but not opening gifts people on this board seem to think is so wrong and I really don't see an issue with it.


    :::::shrug::::: Different strokes for different folks, I guess


    If this is what you or the OP's bridemaid want, a party with no gift opening, go ahead and have the party but don't call it a "shower."  To call a party a "shower" implies that gifts will be given and opened in the presence of the guests as the party's agenda.  It just is not appropriate to have a "shower" where gifts are not opened.  To do that is a bait-and-switch which is never appropriate.


    Yeah well i didnt have a say bc i didnt host it
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  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers

    Jen4948 said:




    mysticl said:

    The whole point of a shower is to give gifts.  A lot of people look forward to seeing the bride open them.  I don't see her idea going over so well.



    I don't really agree with this. I don't go to a shower b/c I want to give the bride a gift. I go to shower b/c I want to spend time with her & wish her happiness, which also happens to entail giving her a gift... but gift-giving for me isn't the principal purpose of going, nor should it be the bride's principal purpose for having one.


    My purpose of having a shower was to have all the women I love together in one room. It wasn't about gifts at all. Maybe everyone else feels different (? - totally fine), but not opening gifts people on this board seem to think is so wrong and I really don't see an issue with it.


    :::::shrug::::: Different strokes for different folks, I guess


    If this is what you or the OP's bridemaid want, a party with no gift opening, go ahead and have the party but don't call it a "shower."  To call a party a "shower" implies that gifts will be given and opened in the presence of the guests as the party's agenda.  It just is not appropriate to have a "shower" where gifts are not opened.  To do that is a bait-and-switch which is never appropriate.


    Yeah well i didnt have a say bc i didnt host it


    That's cool, but it bears repeating for lurkers and people who search this thread later. Shower = gifts. If the bride doesn't want gifts or open them, don't have a shower. Have a kick ass party instead. Kick ass party does not equal gifts.

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  • rsbloomrsbloom member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    It's called a shower because you're "Showering" the bride with gifts.  If she wants the gifts, then she needs to open them at the shower. Otherwise, it should be a luncheon or brunch, where gifts aren't in the title. 

    Opening the gifts is the always the highlight of the shower in my area.  Everyone sits back with drinks while the bride opens the gifts, but not everyone is paying attn 100% of the time, people get up to refill drinks, to catch up with other friends there, and pay attn when it's their gift. NBD.

    I know I'm embarrassed of opening something like lingerie in front of people, esp family, but I told the people who offered to throw a shower, that I didn't want a "personal shower" and that fixed that. 

    What was so awful about the last experience that she doesn't want to do it?


  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Out of curiosity, how will you "signal" to guests that this shower is over?

     At our gatherings, we combine our dining with the gift opening.  At the very least, people are enjoying their cake and coffee while gifts are open.  Typically, when the last gift is open, the bride to be thanks everyone again one last time for their generosity and attendance.  It is the unofficial "thus concludes the shower" speech.

    If I needed to leave this shower, or noticed that guests were starting to depart, I might be inclined to follow suit.  However, I would take my gift to the bride, pardon myself for having to leave, and encourage her to open my gift before I left.  Would she really tell me no?
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    mysticl said:
    The whole point of a shower is to give gifts.  A lot of people look forward to seeing the bride open them.  I don't see her idea going over so well.

    I don't really agree with this. I don't go to a shower b/c I want to give the bride a gift. I go to shower b/c I want to spend time with her & wish her happiness, which also happens to entail giving her a gift... but gift-giving for me isn't the principal purpose of going, nor should it be the bride's principal purpose for having one.


    My purpose of having a shower was to have all the women I love together in one room. It wasn't about gifts at all. Maybe everyone else feels different (? - totally fine), but not opening gifts people on this board seem to think is so wrong and I really don't see an issue with it.


    :::::shrug::::: Different strokes for different folks, I guess

    If this is what you or the OP's bridemaid want, a party with no gift opening, go ahead and have the party but don't call it a "shower."  To call a party a "shower" implies that gifts will be given and opened in the presence of the guests as the party's agenda.  It just is not appropriate to have a "shower" where gifts are not opened.  To do that is a bait-and-switch which is never appropriate.
    Yeah well i didnt have a say bc i didnt host it
    You should have told whoever was not to call it a shower.  By not doing so, you did exercise a "say."
    JoanE2012
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    mysticl said:
    The whole point of a shower is to give gifts.  A lot of people look forward to seeing the bride open them.  I don't see her idea going over so well.

    I don't really agree with this. I don't go to a shower b/c I want to give the bride a gift. I go to shower b/c I want to spend time with her & wish her happiness, which also happens to entail giving her a gift... but gift-giving for me isn't the principal purpose of going, nor should it be the bride's principal purpose for having one.


    My purpose of having a shower was to have all the women I love together in one room. It wasn't about gifts at all. Maybe everyone else feels different (? - totally fine), but not opening gifts people on this board seem to think is so wrong and I really don't see an issue with it.


    :::::shrug::::: Different strokes for different folks, I guess

    If this is what you or the OP's bridemaid want, a party with no gift opening, go ahead and have the party but don't call it a "shower."  To call a party a "shower" implies that gifts will be given and opened in the presence of the guests as the party's agenda.  It just is not appropriate to have a "shower" where gifts are not opened.  To do that is a bait-and-switch which is never appropriate.
    Yeah well i didnt have a say bc i didnt host it
    If you didn't want to open gifts, you should've declined a shower.  

    Of course you think your shower was awesome, because you did it your way.  I would never tell the bride that I was disappointed that she didn't open the gift, that I spent money and time picking out, while I was there.  But if I saw 90 people and you didn't open one gift, you better believe I'd leave ticked off and thinking it was all just a gift-grabby event, not an awesome shower.
    chibiyuiNYCMercedes
  • Jen4948 said:




    mysticl said:

    The whole point of a shower is to give gifts.  A lot of people look forward to seeing the bride open them.  I don't see her idea going over so well.



    I don't really agree with this. I don't go to a shower b/c I want to give the bride a gift. I go to shower b/c I want to spend time with her & wish her happiness, which also happens to entail giving her a gift... but gift-giving for me isn't the principal purpose of going, nor should it be the bride's principal purpose for having one.


    My purpose of having a shower was to have all the women I love together in one room. It wasn't about gifts at all. Maybe everyone else feels different (? - totally fine), but not opening gifts people on this board seem to think is so wrong and I really don't see an issue with it.


    :::::shrug::::: Different strokes for different folks, I guess


    If this is what you or the OP's bridemaid want, a party with no gift opening, go ahead and have the party but don't call it a "shower."  To call a party a "shower" implies that gifts will be given and opened in the presence of the guests as the party's agenda.  It just is not appropriate to have a "shower" where gifts are not opened.  To do that is a bait-and-switch which is never appropriate.


    Yeah well i didnt have a say bc i didnt host it
    JoanE2012 said:






    mysticl said:

    The whole point of a shower is to give gifts.  A lot of people look forward to seeing the bride open them.  I don't see her idea going over so well.



    I don't really agree with this. I don't go to a shower b/c I want to give the bride a gift. I go to shower b/c I want to spend time with her & wish her happiness, which also happens to entail giving her a gift... but gift-giving for me isn't the principal purpose of going, nor should it be the bride's principal purpose for having one.


    My purpose of having a shower was to have all the women I love together in one room. It wasn't about gifts at all. Maybe everyone else feels different (? - totally fine), but not opening gifts people on this board seem to think is so wrong and I really don't see an issue with it.


    :::::shrug::::: Different strokes for different folks, I guess


    If this is what you or the OP's bridemaid want, a party with no gift opening, go ahead and have the party but don't call it a "shower."  To call a party a "shower" implies that gifts will be given and opened in the presence of the guests as the party's agenda.  It just is not appropriate to have a "shower" where gifts are not opened.  To do that is a bait-and-switch which is never appropriate.


    Yeah well i didnt have a say bc i didnt host it



    If you didn't want to open gifts, you should've declined a shower.  

    Of course you think your shower was awesome, because you did it your way.  I would never tell the bride that I was disappointed that she didn't open the gift, that I spent money and time picking

    out, while I was there.  But if I saw 90 people and you didn't open one gift, you better believe I'd leave ticked off and thinking it was all just a gift-grabby event, not an awesome shower.


    I tried to decline. My mom threw it anyway - no choice.
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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited June 2014
    mysticl said:
    The whole point of a shower is to give gifts.  A lot of people look forward to seeing the bride open them.  I don't see her idea going over so well.

    I don't really agree with this. I don't go to a shower b/c I want to give the bride a gift. I go to shower b/c I want to spend time with her & wish her happiness, which also happens to entail giving her a gift... but gift-giving for me isn't the principal purpose of going, nor should it be the bride's principal purpose for having one.


    My purpose of having a shower was to have all the women I love together in one room. It wasn't about gifts at all. Maybe everyone else feels different (? - totally fine), but not opening gifts people on this board seem to think is so wrong and I really don't see an issue with it.


    :::::shrug::::: Different strokes for different folks, I guess

    If this is what you or the OP's bridemaid want, a party with no gift opening, go ahead and have the party but don't call it a "shower."  To call a party a "shower" implies that gifts will be given and opened in the presence of the guests as the party's agenda.  It just is not appropriate to have a "shower" where gifts are not opened.  To do that is a bait-and-switch which is never appropriate.
    Yeah well i didnt have a say bc i didnt host it
    mysticl said:
    The whole point of a shower is to give gifts.  A lot of people look forward to seeing the bride open them.  I don't see her idea going over so well.

    I don't really agree with this. I don't go to a shower b/c I want to give the bride a gift. I go to shower b/c I want to spend time with her & wish her happiness, which also happens to entail giving her a gift... but gift-giving for me isn't the principal purpose of going, nor should it be the bride's principal purpose for having one.


    My purpose of having a shower was to have all the women I love together in one room. It wasn't about gifts at all. Maybe everyone else feels different (? - totally fine), but not opening gifts people on this board seem to think is so wrong and I really don't see an issue with it.


    :::::shrug::::: Different strokes for different folks, I guess

    If this is what you or the OP's bridemaid want, a party with no gift opening, go ahead and have the party but don't call it a "shower."  To call a party a "shower" implies that gifts will be given and opened in the presence of the guests as the party's agenda.  It just is not appropriate to have a "shower" where gifts are not opened.  To do that is a bait-and-switch which is never appropriate.
    Yeah well i didnt have a say bc i didnt host it
    If you didn't want to open gifts, you should've declined a shower.  

    Of course you think your shower was awesome, because you did it your way.  I would never tell the bride that I was disappointed that she didn't open the gift, that I spent money and time picking out, while I was there.  But if I saw 90 people and you didn't open one gift, you better believe I'd leave ticked off and thinking it was all just a gift-grabby event, not an awesome shower.
    I tried to decline. My mom threw it anyway - no choice.
    Obviously not hard enough!

    ETA - I was reminded of your original shower thread.  It's all coming back to me.  Even now, it's still doesn't sit right at all.  Even if you were "forced" into a shower, then you should have at least opened the gifts.
    Maggie0829chibiyuiNYCMercedes
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