Moms and Maids

Entire Bridal Party Hates Eachother

Hey everyone,

I'm usually just a lurker, but I have a serious problem on my hands.

I'm having a party of 4 girls, maybe 6 if my sisters will join.

We're going to call my girls MOH, Rachel, Monica and Pheobe.

Rachel and Monica HATE each other.  Rachel dated one of Monica's exes, and one of Moncia's boyfriends cheated on her with Rachel. They can't even look at each other. Rachel has already said that if Monica even looks at her the wrong way there will be blood shed.

Pheobe and Monica were friends, but now hate eachother.

MOH tries to love everyone, but doesn't like weddings.

NOW. If you put my sisters in - Monica hates my oldest sister  (not sure why) and my oldest sister hates her too (probably because Monica hates her)

I can't imagine my big day without any of them.  During our first meeting is it okay to give everyone a short "I love you but don't cause drama or you're out" speech (with more tact than that, obviously).  I need advice.

Thanks ladies!

Re: Entire Bridal Party Hates Eachother

  • Hey everyone,

    I'm usually just a lurker, but I have a serious problem on my hands.

    I'm having a party of 4 girls, maybe 6 if my sisters will join.

    We're going to call my girls MOH, Rachel, Monica and Pheobe.

    Rachel and Monica HATE each other.  Rachel dated one of Monica's exes, and one of Moncia's boyfriends cheated on her with Rachel. They can't even look at each other. Rachel has already said that if Monica even looks at her the wrong way there will be blood shed.

    Pheobe and Monica were friends, but now hate eachother.

    MOH tries to love everyone, but doesn't like weddings.

    NOW. If you put my sisters in - Monica hates my oldest sister  (not sure why) and my oldest sister hates her too (probably because Monica hates her)

    I can't imagine my big day without any of them.  During our first meeting is it okay to give everyone a short "I love you but don't cause drama or you're out" speech (with more tact than that, obviously).  I need advice.

    Thanks ladies!
    In short, no, it's not okay. You would make yourself the bad guy by kicking anybody out anyway, so it's not right to threaten it either. You do know they only have to be in the same room on the wedding day, right? And they don't even have to talk. Just look at the camera and smile. That's the sum total of their responsibility.
    image
    doeydoPrettyGirlLostBlue_Bird
  • Hey everyone,

    I'm usually just a lurker, but I have a serious problem on my hands.

    I'm having a party of 4 girls, maybe 6 if my sisters will join.

    We're going to call my girls MOH, Rachel, Monica and Pheobe.

    Rachel and Monica HATE each other.  Rachel dated one of Monica's exes, and one of Moncia's boyfriends cheated on her with Rachel. They can't even look at each other. Rachel has already said that if Monica even looks at her the wrong way there will be blood shed.

    Pheobe and Monica were friends, but now hate eachother.

    MOH tries to love everyone, but doesn't like weddings.

    NOW. If you put my sisters in - Monica hates my oldest sister  (not sure why) and my oldest sister hates her too (probably because Monica hates her)

    I can't imagine my big day without any of them.  During our first meeting is it okay to give everyone a short "I love you but don't cause drama or you're out" speech (with more tact than that, obviously).  I need advice.

    Thanks ladies!
    This sounds like high school; why can't these women grow up? I wouldn't want anyone this ridiculous in my wedding party, personally. If people can't keep it together enough to be civil, I don't want them around me, especially on our wedding day. 

    Second of all, what meetings are you planning here? There should be no meetings. If I were you and I was set on asking all of them (again, I wouldn't personally), I would make sure they spent as little time as possible together. All they need to do is show up, be nice to you, and smile for the camera. They don't need to be friends or even talk to each other; they just need to talk to you. If you don't think one of these girls can do that, do not ask her. 
    image
    PrettyGirlLostBlue_Bird[Deleted User]
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Unfortunately, no, you can't kick anyone out.

    Don't make them shop together or otherwise be together except at parties and occasions where others will be present.  They don't have to spend time together otherwise or be friends.  If you find out that they're feuding with each other over something wedding-related, leave it alone unless someone comes to you.  If they do, tell them, "Look, I know how you feel about each other, but I don't expect you to love or even like each other.  All I ask is that you be civil to each other for the short periods of time that my wedding and things related to it will cover."
    OliveOilsMomdoeydoPrettyGirlLost
  • If they don't want to hang out with each other, then don't make them. They only need to have the BM dress and show up for your wedding day. 
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
    PrettyGirlLostBlue_Bird
  • ei34ei34 member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You should have used different fake names because I CANNOT picture the real Monica and Rachel hating each other!
    In all seriousness, you won't have to give a speech because there shouldn't be any meetings. BP requirement is showing up on your wedding day in the agreed upon dress, ready to smile for pictures and stand near each other during the ceremony. Brides should never expect more from their BMs, especially so in your case where it sounds like most of them are too immature to act appropriately. Good luck!
    themuffinman16Dottie05Blue_Bird
  • How the hell old are these people? I mean, seriously. JFC. Grow the fuck up, people. (Your BMs, not you, OP.)

    Since all they have to do is buy the right dress and show up on time, I'd eliminate ALL BP get-togethers, and just get their input on dresses via FB or text or something. 

    But the next time one of them says something about blood-shed or not getting along, I would say, 'I know you don't like Monica, but she's one of my best friends, and this is my wedding, and I would really appreciate it if you could be civil to each other for my sake.'

    I would also say, 'I am not asking you to be friends. I am asking you to be civil, for my sake, for one day. If you can't do that for me, or if you cause drama, it will irreparably damage our friendship.'

    This is no different, IMHO, than divorced parents who threaten not to come if the ex-spouse's new SO is invited.

    I'm with Maggie -- I have been a BM in weddings where I didn't like the other BMs, and all I had to do was smile, nod, and be civil. Part of being a grown-up is being civil to people you might not necessarily like.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • Thanks ladies!! To answer the age question, we're all 24, save for my sisters. I wish they could leave their high school drama in high school, where it belongs.  Another reason I don't get along with women lol.

    Thanks again!
  • Wow Fran. Calm down. I meant I didn't get along with most women.  Obviously these ones I do. 
  • I feel for you loveislouder,

    I have 8 bridesmaids because my FI decided he wanted a big wedding. I love all my girls to pieces, I have 2 sisters, 1 cousin, 1 one of my FI's sisters, and 4 very close friends. It seems like they reverted from the people I know and love to crazy high school girls the minute I asked them to be in the bridal party. They fight over the dresses, the bridal shower (the planning, and whos doing it), the bachelorette party (same as the shower). Night before last my Matron OH text me to tattle on a bridesmaid that she waited on her and she only tipped her $1.54 and then today that BM text me to tell me that my Matron OH gave her shitty service. I have warned them all that I will cancel the wedding and elope if they dont knock it off. Its not what i want, but I am so stressed about them not getting along, how will I ever be able to enjoy my day (s) if they cant be in the same room together?

    So yeah I understand your pain

  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Have you already asked these people to be in your wedding party? If not, I'd reconsider having a wedding party at all. Or I'd just have one attendant. Sounds like more trouble than it's worth.
  •    That's too much drama for me and the reason I'm only having my sister and niece as attendants. 
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