Bridesmaid Jealousy

hlpopper

I'm less than 3 months away and one of my bridesmaids has finally come clean that she's jealous that she is not the maid of honor. I've tried putting it in perspective for her, why I wanted my step-sister to be my maid of honor, and she says she completely understands, but that she's still hurt that I didn't ask her to be my Maid of Honor. I've known her for over half our lives and she and I have been friends for that long, even when she moved away, I hope that this doesn't put a strain on our friendship, but I really wanted my step sister to be my maid of honor as she has helped me through some of the hardest points in my life, she and I are really close as sisters and friends, and she's family. I don't want her to be jealous or upset that she's not the Maid of Honor, but I don't know how to do that short of removing that title from my step-sister which I won't do. I have no idea how to handle this. Please help!

Jen4948

Tell your jealous bridesmaid that while you are sorry for her pain, this is a closed subject and it's not okay for her to bring it up again.  You had your reasons for not choosing her and she needs to get over it.

Maggie0829

How the hell old is this girl?  Really she just needs to get over it.  I wouldn't say anything more about it to her.  If she brings it up just tell her that you are very sorry that she feels that way and then change the subject.

manateehugger

I'd say you're sorry she feels that way and remind her that the MOH does literally nothing different than a BM except stand next to the bride and hold her bouquet. This girl can still give a toast if she wants. Also remind her that no one besides the bride and bridesmaids cares one iota about who the MOH is. I'm not even having a MOH, and I seriously doubt anyone will know the difference because it's mostly a silly title at the end of the day.

Then just leave it alone; she'll have to get over it. It's not a big deal. 

OliveOilsMom

hlpopper said:

I'm less than 3 months away and one of my bridesmaids has finally come clean that she's jealous that she is not the maid of honor. I've tried putting it in perspective for her, why I wanted my step-sister to be my maid of honor, and she says she completely understands, but that she's still hurt that I didn't ask her to be my Maid of Honor. I've known her for over half our lives and she and I have been friends for that long, even when she moved away, I hope that this doesn't put a strain on our friendship, but I really wanted my step sister to be my maid of honor as she has helped me through some of the hardest points in my life, she and I are really close as sisters and friends, and she's family. I don't want her to be jealous or upset that she's not the Maid of Honor, but I don't know how to do that short of removing that title from my step-sister which I won't do. I have no idea how to handle this. Please help!

She has a right to feel the way she does, but she never should have said anything to you about it.  I would just acknowledge her feelings and tell her you are sorry that her feelings are hurt.  You don't need to explain to her why you chose your step-sister over her as MOH.  And don't make your friend co-MOH, just because her feelers are hurt.  Just try to change the subject if your friend brings up the topic again.

ddkappy

I'm waiting for my one BM, who i have known since i was 12, to realize my college roommate is my MOH. Somehow it hasn't really come up because we haven't gone dress shopping yet and the FI and I have done all the planning so far. Mind you, she will be 40 in september. Should be interesting. This is a girl that she didn't want to take a new job 12pm - 9pm because she wants to be 'there for me'. My mom said i would regret asking her to be a BM, ugh.

bananasplit472001

Do not remove a title that you gave to your step-sister.  There was a reason that you thought of her to be your MOH first, and you do not have to justify that to your friend.  Honestly there is not much of a difference between MOH and BM.  They pretty much do the same thing, except the MOH writes a speech and reads it at the reception.

[Deleted User]

bananasplit472001 said:

Do not remove a title that you gave to your step-sister.  There was a reason that you thought of her to be your MOH first, and you do not have to justify that to your friend.  Honestly there is not much of a difference between MOH and BM.  They pretty much do the same thing, except the MOH writes a speech and reads it at the reception.

And she doesn't even have to do that.  Anybody can give a toast, it's not a requirement of the MOH

jerkyanne

I had a similar situation.

My MOH is a man and this pissed off my one female friend in our wedding party. (Our wedding party is 7 men, 3 women and 2 of the girls are my sisters) My friend held it in for months then finally exploded at me saying how my MOH wasn't doing his job and how she wasn't getting the credit she deserved. It was a little ridiculous. I just calmly explained that she bought her dress and wasn't expected to show up to anything, plan anything, assist etc until the ceremony and that my MOH didn't have a job other than renting his outfit. She calmed down after about a month. But at the end of the day, I know that my MOH has been there for me since we were 9, and that we're still close even living far away. And that's who I want there. I love me female friend, and I still asked her to be a BM and she got it without me telling her who I chose who.