Thursday randoms

SapphireCounselor

Cookie Pusher said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I'm so sorry. You've posted about this a lot, and I can't help but feel like your FI is really, really disregarding your wants and needs and feelings on this wedding.

Also, it concerns me that you say 'my hard-earned money.' Is he not contributing?

He's been really insistent on having the wedding, which I've begrudged him because I pushed really hard to live where we do now (we can just barely afford it, so have cut back on a lot of "fun" stuff to make sure we can pay our bills). In the long run, I probably won't give a crap whether we have the fluffy wedding or not, but it has been really chapping my ass the last few months when decisions have had to be made and he hasn't stepped up to the plate at all, mostly looking at me like I have 3 heads when I ask him what he wants.

And so far, I've paid the first half of the wedding. He has money in savings as well, which is going to start being disbursed during the 2nd half of paying for the wedding. I had a bunch of money in my savings to begin with, which is how we ended up using the money I had first. He was paying off the last little bit on my e-ring when we booked the venue and caterer (and lay down the deposits) so had nothing tangible to contribute. I'm sending out the last check (to cover the 2nd payment on the caterer and the final payment on the venue) this month, then his savings will pay the balance of the caterer, hotel, transportation, rehearsal dinner, photographer, and incidentals. It's actually an equitable split, but my money got paid out first. I'm just a little bitter that I've put all the money out AND had to make all the decisions so far.

I realize I could have pushed harder for my happy little elopement or small destination wedding. Heck, I'd have been willing to have a small backyard wedding. But yea, spending more for one day than I did on my car is... yea... I'd much rather have taken the money and put it towards a house.

And I know at the end of the day, our guests will be well-fed and well-boozed, FI will be happy, and we'll be married. I'm just a cheapass bastard sometimes, and it's hard to justify this kind of expense!

My hope is that you'll have so  much fun at your wedding that you will look back on it and think it was worth all the stress and money.

Cookie Pusher

JCbride2015 said:

We have a less rigid situation like this going on too, and our wedding is going to be even larger and more money than Cookie's (I think).  I would love to have a small wedding at a really swanky restaurant, less than 100 people, lots of friends.  Fi's family is so huge that it's just not an option to keep it that small.  He also really wants the big poofy dress, evening reception, the works.

So far, it's been mostly "my" money paid out in deposits.  I had a lucrative job last summer, which I'm going back to in the fall (unfortunately later than anticipated), so we have paid our deposits out of my summer extra money.  But everything is really sort of one pot, because Fi pays more household expenses than I do while I'm in school.  When I start working, yeah I will be the one bring home more bacon, but we will work from one household budget.

But I do sometimes feel resentful that Fi is the one who wants the really big wedding, yet it's mostly my income that will enable us to pay for it.   It's probably not "right," but I do feel that way sometimes.

I'm pretty sure yours is costing way more than ours, but either way, it feels kind of shitty feeling. (And for the record, I'm not angry at FI but at the situation). FI makes roughly twice what I make and shoulders 60% of our household expenses. I think the part of the whole situation that has bothered me is that despite our income disparity, I can save roughly the same dollar amount each month as FI, sometimes more. Full disclosure: I'm a smoker, and have been for many years. I know they're bad for me and they're expensive, and yes, I'm going to quit. Anyway, even with the expense of buying a pack of cigarettes every few days, paying my share of our living expenses, paying my expenses (gas, car insurance, retirement plan, etc), I'm still putting the same number of dollars to the wedding as FI. Just like @JCBride2015, it probably isn't "right" to feel resentful over it, but it just happens sometimes. For me, that "sometimes" is being multiplied as we get closer to the wedding!

JCbride2015

Cookie Pusher said:

JCbride2015 said:

We have a less rigid situation like this going on too, and our wedding is going to be even larger and more money than Cookie's (I think).  I would love to have a small wedding at a really swanky restaurant, less than 100 people, lots of friends.  Fi's family is so huge that it's just not an option to keep it that small.  He also really wants the big poofy dress, evening reception, the works.

So far, it's been mostly "my" money paid out in deposits.  I had a lucrative job last summer, which I'm going back to in the fall (unfortunately later than anticipated), so we have paid our deposits out of my summer extra money.  But everything is really sort of one pot, because Fi pays more household expenses than I do while I'm in school.  When I start working, yeah I will be the one bring home more bacon, but we will work from one household budget.

But I do sometimes feel resentful that Fi is the one who wants the really big wedding, yet it's mostly my income that will enable us to pay for it.   It's probably not "right," but I do feel that way sometimes.

I'm pretty sure yours is costing way more than ours, but either way, it feels kind of shitty feeling. (And for the record, I'm not angry at FI but at the situation). FI makes roughly twice what I make and shoulders 60% of our household expenses. I think the part of the whole situation that has bothered me is that despite our income disparity, I can save roughly the same dollar amount each month as FI, sometimes more. Full disclosure: I'm a smoker, and have been for many years. I know they're bad for me and they're expensive, and yes, I'm going to quit. Anyway, even with the expense of buying a pack of cigarettes every few days, paying my share of our living expenses, paying my expenses (gas, car insurance, retirement plan, etc), I'm still putting the same number of dollars to the wedding as FI. Just like @JCBride2015, it probably isn't "right" to feel resentful over it, but it just happens sometimes. For me, that "sometimes" is being multiplied as we get closer to the wedding!

Oh yeah, we have lots to talk about.  Fi is also really bad about saving money.  He's gonna have to get better this summer though, because things will be tight.

Cookie Pusher

Thank you for kind words, @SapphireCounselor. I'm really looking forward to actually being married. And I know FI is going to be really happy with the wedding I've planned. In the grand scheme, I guess it will be worth what we spent to host everyone properly. It just stings when I can't buy new shoes because my bank account is almost empty! lol

Cookie Pusher

JCbride2015 said:

Oh yeah, we have lots to talk about.  Fi is also really bad about saving money.  He's gonna have to get better this summer though, because things will be tight.

Seriously, we are life-twins! lol

SapphireCounselor

Cookie Pusher said:

Thank you for kind words, @SapphireCounselor. I'm really looking forward to actually being married. And I know FI is going to be really happy with the wedding I've planned. In the grand scheme, I guess it will be worth what we spent to host everyone properly. It just stings when I can't buy new shoes because my bank account is almost empty!


I totally understand about the shoes thing. I was actually in grad school when we were planning our wedding, so my bank account was literally laughing at me there for a while too. Being married is really nice! It's been great to settle into life and just enjoy being together.

pinkcow13

Cookie Pusher said:

JCbride2015 said:

We have a less rigid situation like this going on too, and our wedding is going to be even larger and more money than Cookie's (I think).  I would love to have a small wedding at a really swanky restaurant, less than 100 people, lots of friends.  Fi's family is so huge that it's just not an option to keep it that small.  He also really wants the big poofy dress, evening reception, the works.

So far, it's been mostly "my" money paid out in deposits.  I had a lucrative job last summer, which I'm going back to in the fall (unfortunately later than anticipated), so we have paid our deposits out of my summer extra money.  But everything is really sort of one pot, because Fi pays more household expenses than I do while I'm in school.  When I start working, yeah I will be the one bring home more bacon, but we will work from one household budget.

But I do sometimes feel resentful that Fi is the one who wants the really big wedding, yet it's mostly my income that will enable us to pay for it.   It's probably not "right," but I do feel that way sometimes.

I'm pretty sure yours is costing way more than ours, but either way, it feels kind of shitty feeling. (And for the record, I'm not angry at FI but at the situation). FI makes roughly twice what I make and shoulders 60% of our household expenses. I think the part of the whole situation that has bothered me is that despite our income disparity, I can save roughly the same dollar amount each month as FI, sometimes more. Full disclosure: I'm a smoker, and have been for many years. I know they're bad for me and they're expensive, and yes, I'm going to quit. Anyway, even with the expense of buying a pack of cigarettes every few days, paying my share of our living expenses, paying my expenses (gas, car insurance, retirement plan, etc), I'm still putting the same number of dollars to the wedding as FI. Just like @JCBride2015, it probably isn't "right" to feel resentful over it, but it just happens sometimes. For me, that "sometimes" is being multiplied as we get closer to the wedding!

This is exactly how I feel! FI makes a a decent amount more than I do, but we are equally paying for the wedding. And I know, at the end of the day it's "our" money, but still, I can't help but feel resentful sometimes. 

buttercup1958

I just got done with finals yay!

I saw my precal final grade, and I'm not too happy. I mean really you couldn't bump me up to a B-? I've only missed one class but that was due to a geology conference I had to go to.  I'm only two points off.

Then I started thinking of post college and started freaking out if my chosen profession needs grad school or not. Half of the positions say yes, the other says more work experience.

Then I realized I should have started working in museums since I was five to gain all the experience they want. So I'll be working at two museums part-time all summer long.

Just heard back that I was invited to join a two week excavation project with a museum that I'm interning at.

Feeling sad that V will be graduating in a year, and we don't know what graduate school he is going to end up at.

But happy that summer is here, and Sherman was resigned!

amakayeb

--This week I've been driving my fiance's car (which doesn't have A/C), and it has been HOT (upper 80s). The drive home from school has not been fun.

--The warm weather has completely triggered my students being totally DONE with school...and we still have 3 weeks left. I've really never felt like I might not make it through at this point in the year.

--The 'glow' of finding out that my fiance was placed in a job in my current town started wearing off when we sat down and really started figuring out a budget. No one becomes a pastor or a parochial school teacher for the money, and I know there are many couples in our same shoes who make it work, but it is certainly going to be tighter than I thought...

--My allergies have been awful all week. I have no appetite in the evening because I'm all sniffly and congested. Which means I haven't really cooked, but scrounged. Then I have no leftovers to eat for lunch, so I'm hungry at the same time.

(I'm just having a crabby, grumpy week...it always seems to happen when FI and I are in a long stretch apart. I'm thinking there may be some cause and effect stuff going on here...)

Simky906

Today is my day off work so it's been a pretty good day. I've been watching the budget very carefully with the wedding planning but I put aside a couple hundred dollars from my tax return so I splurged a bit. And then started drinking about an hour ago so that makes things look rosy.  

I feel you ladies in regards to the big wedding though. I wanted 60-75 people in a laid back wedding. FI wanted the big wedding with all of his first, second and third cousins and a ton of coworkers. I swear though, if he adds one more person to the guest list, I'm going to lose it! We're up to 145 people, which is way more than I wanted there. And while we can handle it budget wise if everyone shows, it will be tight and totally empty out the savings. 

Having no fall back cash makes me feel very worried. FI has trouble understanding this because we both have secure jobs but my mind can't help it. What is we have unexpected medical expenses? What if the car dies?