Sure, let's all buy guests "favors" bragging about donated $$$

kitty8403

So an ad that linked to this just popped up in my news feed. A highly reputable charity that just can't wait for me to "give a wedding favor that will help save a child's life"--aka order stickers, bookmarks and scrolls with their logo for a minimum $200.

Ummmm. All righty, then.
http://shop.stjude.org/GiftCatalog/shop.do?cID=12345&sc_cid=smd8989

kitty8403

Am I wrong to side-eye this so much? To me, it screams, "We could have gotten you a gift, but we decided we'd rather spend the money on something else. But hey, you should feel great because we totally weren't going to help these sick kids at all; we're just doing it now because we were in a generous mood and we're getting positive attention out of the deal."

Simply Fated

My friend gives holiday gifts to this charity. Like, in their name as their holiday gift. I tried to explain to her all the reasons why this isn't a spectacular idea, but she was all stubborn about it.

If you (general you) want to donate, donate. But not for other people and not as a gift/favor. Not cool.

lovesclimbing

When I was a kid, we got World Vision gift catalogs. I said "oh this would be cool to give to grandma and grandpa!" And my mom said no. She said if I wanted I could request donations to them as my gift, but not give to other people unrequested. I dropped the topic.

@SimplyFated. You should ask her if she'd like it if that's what she received as gifts.

Simply Fated

lovesclimbing said:

When I was a kid, we got World Vision gift catalogs. I said "oh this would be cool to give to grandma and grandpa!" And my mom said no. She said if I wanted I could request donations to them as my gift, but not give to other people unrequested. I dropped the topic.

@SimplyFated. You should ask her if she'd like it if that's what she received as gifts.

I asked her if it would be cool with her if I donated to WBC in her name for Chanukah. She suggested St Jude's instead. So I suggested she give those people she was gifting an option, too. That's kinda where the convo segued into a rant session about the WBC lol. We never revisted the topic.

artbyallie

Ohhh no. This makes me like St. Jude a little bit less. Not that they don't do great work and all, but a wedding is really not a good place to make people feel sad for little kids dying of cancer. This is a case where it's not even that I don't like the specific charity, but I would side-eye a couple for making me think about something depressing at their wedding.

HisGirlFriday13

I had a friend who bought all of the flowers for her reception, and bouquets, and everything through the American Cancer Society's Daffodil Days.

I kind of side-eyed that. Like a lot. Not that I don't think cancer research is wonderful, because I do, and I always buy daffodils myself during the sale, but I thought that was a little OTT and in-your-face.

margaritaaa

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I had a friend who bought all of the flowers for her reception, and bouquets, and everything through the American Cancer Society's Daffodil Days.

I kind of side-eyed that. Like a lot. Not that I don't think cancer research is wonderful, because I do, and I always buy daffodils myself during the sale, but I thought that was a little OTT and in-your-face.

Yeah, she totally should've spent the money on a private florist. How dare she.

HisGirlFriday13

margaritaaa said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I had a friend who bought all of the flowers for her reception, and bouquets, and everything through the American Cancer Society's Daffodil Days.

I kind of side-eyed that. Like a lot. Not that I don't think cancer research is wonderful, because I do, and I always buy daffodils myself during the sale, but I thought that was a little OTT and in-your-face.

Yeah, she totally should've spent the money on a private florist. How dare she.

I didn't care WHERE she bought the flowers, I thought it was tacky that every.fucking.thing was labelled with 'ACS' and there were signs about how 'in lieu of favours, we donated to ACS.'

If you want to donate to that, that's fine. But don't pretend it's a wedding favour. Do it quietly.

NYCMercedes

"I took the money I was going to use for your gift and gave it to my favorite charity." That does not impress me. It's bragging. Just don't give me a gift and don't brag on yourself. Better yet, take the $$$ I gave you for your gift and give it to your favorite charity. Then I'll be impressed.

ashleyep

HisGirlFriday13 said:

margaritaaa said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I had a friend who bought all of the flowers for her reception, and bouquets, and everything through the American Cancer Society's Daffodil Days.

I kind of side-eyed that. Like a lot. Not that I don't think cancer research is wonderful, because I do, and I always buy daffodils myself during the sale, but I thought that was a little OTT and in-your-face.

Yeah, she totally should've spent the money on a private florist. How dare she.

I didn't care WHERE she bought the flowers, I thought it was tacky that every.fucking.thing was labelled with 'ACS' and there were signs about how 'in lieu of favours, we donated to ACS.'

If you want to donate to that, that's fine. But don't pretend it's a wedding favour. Do it quietly.

That's not cheap either. We do it at work and you have to donate $25 to get, like, one daffodil. Actually, maybe it's 3.

bmydesigner

Not to like contradict or argue, but I don't think I personally would mind this. I know I can't speak for everyone and because of the fact that it does upset some people I won't do it for my wedding. But I honestly want to know, what is a good favor?? Not everyone likes plants, some people can't eat chocolate / sweets, and I have a candle from a wedding that I never use. I don't mean to thread-jack, but honestly what do you guys consider good favors? Lol

KGold80

bmydesigner said:

Not to like contradict or argue, but I don't think I personally would mind this. I know I can't speak for everyone and because of the fact that it does upset some people I won't do it for my wedding. But I honestly want to know, what is a good favor?? Not everyone likes plants, some people can't eat chocolate / sweets, and I have a candle from a wedding that I never use. I don't mean to thread-jack, but honestly what do you guys consider good favors? Lol

Our photo booth = favors. People get to take fun pictures home with them and we get them all on a flash drive at the end of the night.

HisGirlFriday13

bmydesigner said:

Not to like contradict or argue, but I don't think I personally would mind this. I know I can't speak for everyone and because of the fact that it does upset some people I won't do it for my wedding. But I honestly want to know, what is a good favor?? Not everyone likes plants, some people can't eat chocolate / sweets, and I have a candle from a wedding that I never use. I don't mean to thread-jack, but honestly what do you guys consider good favors? Lol

The reality is that nothing you pick is going to please everyone. Some people won't like sweets, or don't have green thumbs, or don't like candles.

My general rule is don't give me anything that has YOUR name and wedding date on it. I don't need to remember this after your wedding, and I don't want a random object that has that information on it.

We did bookmarks (because we're huge readers), and even though we (should have) had extras, people took all the extras. They seemed to really like them.

singinchick13

A friend of ours is doing planted trees for each person as a wedding favor. Definitely weird, definitely not a gift, and I think it's very strange that this was the first decision/arrangement they made for their wedding. It's like a company that sells jeans or something, Two Trees. Apparently for every pair of jeans you buy from them they plant two trees. The groom likes to buy from them so he contacted the tree-planting company and made arrangements to do this as favors for the guests. I wonder how many pairs of jeans he has to buy?

bmydesigner

HisGirlFriday13 said:

bmydesigner said:

Not to like contradict or argue, but I don't think I personally would mind this. I know I can't speak for everyone and because of the fact that it does upset some people I won't do it for my wedding. But I honestly want to know, what is a good favor?? Not everyone likes plants, some people can't eat chocolate / sweets, and I have a candle from a wedding that I never use. I don't mean to thread-jack, but honestly what do you guys consider good favors? Lol

The reality is that nothing you pick is going to please everyone. Some people won't like sweets, or don't have green thumbs, or don't like candles.

My general rule is don't give me anything that has YOUR name and wedding date on it. I don't need to remember this after your wedding, and I don't want a random object that has that information on it.

We did bookmarks (because we're huge readers), and even though we (should have) had extras, people took all the extras. They seemed to really like them.

Yeah, that's true. 

I agree with the name & date thing. The candle I got as a favor has their names & date on it, and sure it's pretty but I kind of feel weird using it. 

I love the bookmark idea, that's really cute! I've been considering making a CD of some of our favorite songs. Either that or the candy table, I've got a whole year to think about it though.

Aray82

kitty8403 said:

Am I wrong to side-eye this so much? To me, it screams, "We could have gotten you a gift, but we decided we'd rather spend the money on something else. But hey, you should feel great because we totally weren't going to help these sick kids at all; we're just doing it now because we were in a generous mood and we're getting positive attention out of the deal."

No, I would side-eye this too. If people really cared about the cause, and not about getting recognition for it, they would just donate to the charities themselves. To me, it's pretty similar to when people post on facebook about all the wonderful charity 5Ks or other volunteer work they're doing. Because hey, what's the point of helping others if the entire world doesn't know about it??

Aray82

bmydesigner said:

Not to like contradict or argue, but I don't think I personally would mind this. I know I can't speak for everyone and because of the fact that it does upset some people I won't do it for my wedding. But I honestly want to know, what is a good favor?? Not everyone likes plants, some people can't eat chocolate / sweets, and I have a candle from a wedding that I never use. I don't mean to thread-jack, but honestly what do you guys consider good favors? Lol

There's also the option to just skip the favors. I've been to weddings with adorable, fancy favors that were not properly hosted, as well as weddings that were properly hosted and a lot of fun that had zero favors and I didn't even notice. The hosts spent the money on other things that were more enjoyable for their guests: full open bar, excellent food and plenty of it, great music, etc.

theartistformerlyknownas

When you talk publicly about charity, it ceases to be charitable and instead becomes public relations. To be true charity, only the cause would benefit. If you benefit by the warm fuzzies of all your loved ones thinking you're just so wonderful for doing XYZ, you did it (even partially) for you.

Leave other people out of it and donate privately.

nsweare

lolo883 said:

When you talk publicly about charity, it ceases to be charitable and instead becomes public relations. To be true charity, only the cause would benefit. If you benefit by the warm fuzzies of all your loved ones thinking you're just so wonderful for doing XYZ, you did it (even partially) for you.

Leave other people out of it and donate privately.

Sure in a perfect world people wouldn't do it for the "publicity", but if getting to brag on Facebook gets people to open their wallets and donate, then I'm ok with that.

HisGirlFriday13

bmydesigner said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

bmydesigner said:

Not to like contradict or argue, but I don't think I personally would mind this. I know I can't speak for everyone and because of the fact that it does upset some people I won't do it for my wedding. But I honestly want to know, what is a good favor?? Not everyone likes plants, some people can't eat chocolate / sweets, and I have a candle from a wedding that I never use. I don't mean to thread-jack, but honestly what do you guys consider good favors? Lol

The reality is that nothing you pick is going to please everyone. Some people won't like sweets, or don't have green thumbs, or don't like candles.

My general rule is don't give me anything that has YOUR name and wedding date on it. I don't need to remember this after your wedding, and I don't want a random object that has that information on it.

We did bookmarks (because we're huge readers), and even though we (should have) had extras, people took all the extras. They seemed to really like them.

Yeah, that's true. 

I agree with the name & date thing. The candle I got as a favor has their names & date on it, and sure it's pretty but I kind of feel weird using it. 

I love the bookmark idea, that's really cute! I've been considering making a CD of some of our favorite songs. Either that or the candy table, I've got a whole year to think about it though.

I'll be honest, I've had friends do this, and I've always ended up chucking them. I appreciate the thought and the effort, but the friends of mine who have done this don't share musical tastes with me, so it's a CD of music I don't really like and won't ever listen to.

A candy table, OTOH, is freaking AWESOME. I had a friend who did that, and it was sooooooo delicious. 

kitty8403

KGold80 said:

bmydesigner said:

Not to like contradict or argue, but I don't think I personally would mind this. I know I can't speak for everyone and because of the fact that it does upset some people I won't do it for my wedding. But I honestly want to know, what is a good favor?? Not everyone likes plants, some people can't eat chocolate / sweets, and I have a candle from a wedding that I never use. I don't mean to thread-jack, but honestly what do you guys consider good favors? Lol

Our photo booth = favors. People get to take fun pictures home with them and we get them all on a flash drive at the end of the night.



I agree with this. I asked FI if he had ever seen a wedding with favors that, as a guy, he liked and didn't feel were useless or juvenile. He said no.
I think if you're going to do favors, it's a good time to showcase a local specialty. Otherwise, photos seem to work all right. Other non-food/non allergen ideas might be maps, tiny frames, bookmarks, magnet calendars, postcards, or coasters. Mostly I feel they're extraneous and not as popular as you might think. I prefer to see something wine or mints for the table, personally.

Jen4948

bmydesigner said:

Not to like contradict or argue, but I don't think I personally would mind this. I know I can't speak for everyone and because of the fact that it does upset some people I won't do it for my wedding. But I honestly want to know, what is a good favor?? Not everyone likes plants, some people can't eat chocolate / sweets, and I have a candle from a wedding that I never use. I don't mean to thread-jack, but honestly what do you guys consider good favors? Lol

Since there's really no requirement that favors be given at all, and they're just not that appreciated (unless they're awesome-quality baked goods ;D) a good favor is none at all.

kitty8403

For edibles, tea packs well. I like jams and syrups but they can be a hassle if you're traveling. Adore chocolates but they melt--I don't want to pack that.

kitty8403

nsweare said:

lolo883 said:

When you talk publicly about charity, it ceases to be charitable and instead becomes public relations. To be true charity, only the cause would benefit. If you benefit by the warm fuzzies of all your loved ones thinking you're just so wonderful for doing XYZ, you did it (even partially) for you.

Leave other people out of it and donate privately.

Sure in a perfect world people wouldn't do it for the "publicity", but if getting to brag on Facebook gets people to open their wallets and donate, then I'm ok with that.

But your wedding isn't the place to pressure other people to "open their wallets and donate." They aren't obligated to support your pet causes. They're there to see you/your FI get married.

nsweare

kitty8403 said:

nsweare said:

lolo883 said:

When you talk publicly about charity, it ceases to be charitable and instead becomes public relations. To be true charity, only the cause would benefit. If you benefit by the warm fuzzies of all your loved ones thinking you're just so wonderful for doing XYZ, you did it (even partially) for you.

Leave other people out of it and donate privately.

Sure in a perfect world people wouldn't do it for the "publicity", but if getting to brag on Facebook gets people to open their wallets and donate, then I'm ok with that.

But your wedding isn't the place to pressure other people to "open their wallets and donate." They aren't obligated to support your pet causes. They're there to see you/your FI get married.

Umm maybe I'm on glue, but I'm pretty sure I didn't mention anything about weddings in my post.

Jen4948

nsweare said:

When you talk publicly about charity, it ceases to be charitable and instead becomes public relations. To be true charity, only the cause would benefit. If you benefit by the warm fuzzies of all your loved ones thinking you're just so wonderful for doing XYZ, you did it (even partially) for you.

Leave other people out of it and donate privately.

Sure in a perfect world people wouldn't do it for the "publicity", but if getting to brag on Facebook gets people to open their wallets and donate, then I'm ok with that.

But your wedding isn't the place to pressure other people to "open their wallets and donate." They aren't obligated to support your pet causes. They're there to see you/your FI get married.

Umm maybe I'm on glue, but I'm pretty sure I didn't mention anything about weddings in my post.

This is a wedding etiquette board.  Why in the world would your post not be about weddings?

carliealissa

See, I think the planting trees thing is awesome!!  I've saved all the personalized wine glass favors, coasters etc. from friend's weddings.  We're just doing favors that go with the theme of our venue- they are little Model T pencil sharpeners.  I might turn them into Christmas ornaments.  Sure, they are pretty stupid and useless.  We are not allowed to use edible favors at our venue for some reason, so I just figured any favor would basically be useless anyway beyond something inexpensive and cute to open.  Besides chocolate, I don't think I've ever seen a favor that was like "Wow, this is an awesome gift!!" I've just accepted that we are giving out tchotchkes and moving on.  Do people really expect anything else?

nsweare

Jen4948 said:

nsweare said:

kitty8403 said:

nsweare said:

lolo883 said:

When you talk publicly about charity, it ceases to be charitable and instead becomes public relations. To be true charity, only the cause would benefit. If you benefit by the warm fuzzies of all your loved ones thinking you're just so wonderful for doing XYZ, you did it (even partially) for you.

Leave other people out of it and donate privately.

Sure in a perfect world people wouldn't do it for the "publicity", but if getting to brag on Facebook gets people to open their wallets and donate, then I'm ok with that.

But your wedding isn't the place to pressure other people to "open their wallets and donate." They aren't obligated to support your pet causes. They're there to see you/your FI get married.

Umm maybe I'm on glue, but I'm pretty sure I didn't mention anything about weddings in my post.

This is a wedding etiquette board.  Why in the world would your post not be about weddings?
Oh FFS. Someone posted that people shouldn't donate to charity just so they can brag about it. Their phrasing was "talk openly". That people should donate privately. I agreed with that, but stated that if someone was only going to donate in order to brag about it, at least they are still donating. It was all in generalizations.

bmydesigner

HisGirlFriday13 said:

bmydesigner said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

bmydesigner said:

Not to like contradict or argue, but I don't think I personally would mind this. I know I can't speak for everyone and because of the fact that it does upset some people I won't do it for my wedding. But I honestly want to know, what is a good favor?? Not everyone likes plants, some people can't eat chocolate / sweets, and I have a candle from a wedding that I never use. I don't mean to thread-jack, but honestly what do you guys consider good favors? Lol

The reality is that nothing you pick is going to please everyone. Some people won't like sweets, or don't have green thumbs, or don't like candles.

My general rule is don't give me anything that has YOUR name and wedding date on it. I don't need to remember this after your wedding, and I don't want a random object that has that information on it.

We did bookmarks (because we're huge readers), and even though we (should have) had extras, people took all the extras. They seemed to really like them.

Yeah, that's true. 

I agree with the name & date thing. The candle I got as a favor has their names & date on it, and sure it's pretty but I kind of feel weird using it. 

I love the bookmark idea, that's really cute! I've been considering making a CD of some of our favorite songs. Either that or the candy table, I've got a whole year to think about it though.

I'll be honest, I've had friends do this, and I've always ended up chucking them. I appreciate the thought and the effort, but the friends of mine who have done this don't share musical tastes with me, so it's a CD of music I don't really like and won't ever listen to.

A candy table, OTOH, is freaking AWESOME. I had a friend who did that, and it was sooooooo delicious. 

Yeah, I can definitely see where you're coming from. Our music tastes are definitely not going to be the same as Grandma's or Aunt Sally's. 

Candy however is quite delicious and I know many people who enjoy it! Sounds like a plan

kitty8403

@carliealissa I think the little potted trees/plants are darling. As a guest, though, I probably wouldn't take one unless I lived close by. Flying with a tree is not especially fun (BTDT).
It's not that people expect more. It's that brides worry a lot about favors and spend lots of money on them. It's a good area to simplify your budget and to-do list.
We're thinking of hiring my brother or one of his friends to do silly photos during cocktail hour in lieu of a full photo booth. He gets college $$, doesn't drink, loves this stuff, and it's only an hour.