Not Engaged Yet

Someone tell me to slow my roll

Blackbird230Blackbird230 Connecticut member
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Ugh so fiance and I know we're having a two year engagement and that's all pretty much financial based because of when we can afford a wedding. We've began looking at possible venues online, looking at a possible budget and guest list. However I really just want to go look at dresses. I have that dress itch where I'm just like I want to try them on. I know I should take a deep breathe, slow down and not worry about the dress for awhile especially until we get venue picked out, but I'm just feeling anxious. Ideas on how to calm down? I'm about ready to get a dress and go to the damn courthouse already. I want a wedding, but why is it so expensive???

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Re: Someone tell me to slow my roll

  • Slow your roll. You're welcome.

    And actually you totally can go to the courthouse and do it. Maybe since money is an issue you could spend some time figuring out some good deals. Like I got my dress on clearance at David's bridal and then had a random lady do alterations instead of the David's bridal. So my dress + alterations was less than my BFF's dress haha. Actually the dress and alterations for my bridesmaids dress in her wedding were only 100 less than the same for my wedding dress!

    I think semi finalizing your guest list and getting addresses is a good place to start. It'll give you a better idea of what venues will work.

    Or you could just plan a vacation :) it is summer almost! And it would distract you AND be fun. Florida is nice but not until after the summer lol. Like October. Or November.
    I guess, to tell you the truth, I've never had much of a desire to grow facial hair. I think I've managed to play quarterback just fine without a mustache. - Peyton
    Blackbird230carliealissaCLoGreenEyes
  • Blackbird230Blackbird230 Connecticut member
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    @Blue&White ooh addresses. I could work on that. Do places look down on you if you do kind of just go to shop/play dress up?

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  • ShallowSeasShallowSeas Indianapolis, IN member
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    I know how you feel. FI and I don't have a very long engagement (9 months by the time we get married) but the itch to try on dresses was there as soon as I had my ring. I'm sure its normal. I don't know how to get the thoughts of dresses out of your head, other than preoccupying your thoughts with something else...but I know that can be really hard to do.

    Weddings can definitely be expensive. FI and I found that out real quick. We went over budget thanks to catering and alcohol and are working extra hours to make up the difference.  There have been MANY times that we both looked at each other and said, "It would've been nice to have a small wedding with close family and friends and be married already" but that wasn't the path we chose at the beginning and we're too far into it now to make those changes. I'm glad we're having a wedding where all of our family and friends are invited, but more than anything I just want to be married, big wedding or not.

    Do you plan on having a large wedding? Obviously smaller weddings can be cheaper and you can plan them sooner. If you are really wanting to just be married already you could limit your guest list if that helps financially and move the date up.
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  • Blackbird230Blackbird230 Connecticut member
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    severmilli12, we're looking at 60 guests. Small and pretty intimate already.

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  • @blackbird230 I would 100% wait to try on dresses until you're like less than a year out. Venues, yes, especially where we live, they book up fast, so if you nail down you budget, guest list, etc and find a venue you like, pay the deposit.

    The only reason why I say to wait for the dress is that most lines come out with new dresses at least twice a year, also depending on where you get it from, you have to hold onto the dress until it's altered (like me) so it takes up room.

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  • Blackbird230Blackbird230 Connecticut member
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    @buddysmom80, I'm going to PM you some venue questions in our state if that's ok. We have a strong possibility, but I wonder if you went to visit it or not.

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  • @blackbird230 PM me away, I have a ton of vendor info to provide if you need it.

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  • @buddysmom80 is pretty smart :) that dress takes up space. I also bought mine before we moved to Florida so I had to move it in our uhaul caravan to Florida, have it altered in Florida, and then drive it back to Virginia lol. We were very tight (I just got it back from the cleaning service and it's chilling on the floor lol)

    For friends addresses I might wait a bit because friendships can change and also us youngns tend to move a lot. The weirdest thing for our guest list wasn't really that people moved (most were family so we had good track of them) but we actually had two people (on hubs side) die before the wedding that was really disconcerting :/

    One was kinda awesome though because she picked out our gift before she died and her hubs gave us a note and told us all about how he was so excited to come. So it was kinda like she was there. She died two weeks before the wedding.
    I guess, to tell you the truth, I've never had much of a desire to grow facial hair. I think I've managed to play quarterback just fine without a mustache. - Peyton
  • @blue&white do you know how hard it is for me NOT to wear my wedding dress every day??????

    Also what blue said as well, wait for addresses. People who I thought were going to be in my BRIDAL PARTY I didn't even invite because I haven't talked to them in months, so what's the point? It's the people who are present in my life now that I want to be there, not some people that I was like "omg bffs FOREVER!" (end rant).

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  • I don't see anything wrong with going to try on dresses now if that's what you're excited to do.  It doesn't mean you have to buy one.  Maybe you're just narrowing down "looks".  Don't tell them you're playing "dress up"- you're engaged, you're allowed to shop for dresses.  Or maybe you'll find one you love and be done with it!

    I think I'm going to keep my dress at my mom's, but my shop would hold it if I wanted.  Mine isn't going to take up any room though so it's kind of a non-issue anyway.

    Definitely plan your guest count and budget first!  Things spiral out of control so quickly.  Once you're firm on those two things though it should be much easier to choose a venue and a reasonable date.

    I'd like to add that my FI has decided he wants to get a tuxedo MADE FOR HIM.  His outfit is actually going to cost more than mine!!!

     

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  • labrolabro Hotlanta member
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    I think the main risk with buying a dress right now or in the next year would be you second guessing yourself and changing your mind or finding something you like better...and also the space issue like @buddysmom80 said. That said, I don't think you have to stop yourself from looking around just because you have a long engagement. Dress shopping is fun and there is absolutely nothing wrong with just looking and maybe playing some dress up (just don't tell that to the consultant). I'd just wait to buy until you have a venue because that COULD determine the look you end up going with. Not saying it will, just that it's a possibility. Kind of like a giant poofy princess ballgrown with a chapel length veil might look a little out of place at a campground wedding KWIM?

    I think you're in the clear to start looking at venues once you and your FI have nailed down a budget. Only the two of you know your finances and how much you can conceivably save in the next two years. You have an idea of a guest list which was all I had when I started looking. FI and I came up with an approximate number and started looking at venues that fit the # of people we had in our head plus our budget. That said...I wouldn't choose a venue that has the max capacity of 60 just in case you end up inviting 2 or 3 more couples and all of sudden you don't have room. I'd look at venues with max of 80 to 100 people to give yourself wiggle room and also guarantee you aren't packed in like sardines.



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  • Dignity100Dignity100 Northeastern Ohio member
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    I think looking at venues is fine. 

    Dresses, it is a little early for that.  Most lines have a Spring and a Fall collection.  Keep in mind it can take 6-8 months for a dress to come in though.  I would probably at the EARLIEST start looking 14 months in advance if you're a really really indecisive person.  If you're pretty decisive and have a good feeling for what you want, I would go with 12-10 months before hand.  Most shops ARE commission based, so I'm sure they frown on it if you're not actually ready to buy. 

    My FI and I will have been engaged for 11 months by the time we walk down the aisle.  I still have days where I'm looking at the elopement package over the intimate package for my wedding location (FI is not amused with it and wants family there though).


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  • ShallowSeasShallowSeas Indianapolis, IN member
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    @TwoDimes this is the best idea I have ever heard.
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  • @severmilli12 when I get my accessories in that I ordered on Monday I should just put it on again for fun.

    It's actually great motivation, it's in the same room that I exercise to my workout DVDs in (says the woman who just had general tso's shrimp, fried rice and an egg roll for lunch...)

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  • ShallowSeasShallowSeas Indianapolis, IN member
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    @buddysmom80 yes! I did the same thing. It was just another excuse to put my dress on :) "oh my sash is finished, better try it with the dress" "found my necklace, better put on my dress" "finally bought earrings for the wedding...wonder what they'll look like with the dress..."


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    [Deleted User]carliealissaKeptInStitches
  • Ahhhhh I am dying for my dress to come in!!! Can't wait (and a little nervous) to put it on in the right size.

     

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  • @severmilli12 once my sash and hair accessory comes in, I'll try my dress on with the shoes, earrings and bracelet, then I probably won't wear it again :( I'm so afraid something is going to happen to my dress because I have never spent so much on an article of clothing before!

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  • Luckily my dress is at the bridal salon, my veil at home I like to wear for fun when FI is not around.

    I would wait on the dresses though, new styles may come out or things you love may get discontinued.  I would focus on the venue stuff first those seem to book up pretty quickly.  I'm sure since you are engaged it wouldn't hurt to go on a fun trip to David's bridal as long as you don't look to buy. 

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  • Dignity100Dignity100 Northeastern Ohio member
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    I want my dress to get here and I want it now
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    ShallowSeascarliealissabride2b71614
  • I think that establishing a budget and locking down a venue is more important right now than trying on dresses. That being said, there is nothing "wrong" with trying on wedding dresses, or narrowing down styles. While a consultant may "frown" if you leave the store empty handed, a customer is not obligated to buy a dress right then and there. For the reasons mentioned above (storage, designers changing lines 2x per year, and dress regret), I would try dresses on, but I wouldn't purchase the gown until the wedding was a few months away. 


    Blackbird230
  • @Twodimes- I will need lots and lots and lots of help to get me back into my dress again if this is going to happen. I almost had to lay on the floor and suck it in until no end for @LaPeanut1018 to zip up my dress lol.

    Or...I can just run around with my dress on not zipped up all the way lol
  • labrolabro Hotlanta member
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    @southernpeach89 NOT TRUE AT ALL! Your dress zipped up EASILY you were just PARANOID. And you are in crazy good shape now after all your months of Crossfit so your dress will still totally fit.



  • @LaPeanut1018- Negative ghost rider. 

    I want to wear my dress so bad lol. I'm just scared out of my mind that I won't be able to squeeze myself into it. 

    Maybe after you get back from your honeymoon we can have a Say Yes To the Dress marathon and laugh at all the silly brides in our wedding dresses lol
  • labrolabro Hotlanta member
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    @LaPeanut1018- Negative ghost rider. 

    I want to wear my dress so bad lol. I'm just scared out of my mind that I won't be able to squeeze myself into it. 

    Maybe after you get back from your honeymoon we can have a Say Yes To the Dress marathon and laugh at all the silly brides in our wedding dresses lol
    And drink ALL the wine. Let's do this! This sounds amazing! Also, you are still wrong. Your dress zipped up with zero issues!



  • @LaPeanut1018- We should force mom to take out her wedding dress and she can join in on the fun lol! That would be hilarious!!!!
  • Hummingbird125Hummingbird125 New York member
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    I don't see any problem with going to try on dresses for fun. I've gone three times already and don't even have a venue booked yet! 

    I definitely think you are A-ok with gathering venue information NOW. I was unemployed when I got engaged and then didn't want to start doing any real wedding work until I found a new job. Well, I found the job and still haven't found a venue and now I'm wishing I had started looking at venues right away. It can take a looong time to find something you like/think you can afford, so I don't think it hurts to look now. You'll be able to get pricing info AND ask venues how early they book up so that you know when you'll need to book by. Also find out what their deposit/payment schedule is like so that you'll know WHEN you'll need to have your deposit by, and how much it will be.
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  • I think an NEY gathering involving a say yes to the dress marathon, while wearing wedding dresses, and drinking wine, would easily be the most epic g2g in knot history. Just sayin'
    Yes!! Have any of you guys done this before?  Where would it be?

     

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  • phiraphira Bahstin member
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    edited May 2014
    Another vote for a NEY G2G where we drink, eat popcorn, and watch TV.*

    * Please can we watch the first season of SYTTD with that AWFUL consultant?
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