Should I ask if I'm invited?

kayjayem

One of my coworkers is getting married on May 31st.

I assumed that I wasn't invited to the wedding (which is totally fine!) when I heard about other coworkers receiving their invitations and I hadn't received one. She asked me for my address a couple weeks ago, but since I haven't gotten anything, I just thought it was for some other reason. In the mail today though, I got an invitation to her bachelorette party and bridal shower.

Should I ask her about it? Or just continue waiting it out to see if she asks me about a lack of RSVP? I would never want to make her feel awkward or put her in a stressful position. What would you guys suggest?

indianaalum

waiting I guess.

If no invitation comes, I certainly would NOT go to the bacheloretter party or bridal shower as THAT is gift grabby if you never getn an invite

Moiramab

I would wait it out.

I made the regretful decision of asking my friend at her bridal shower (which I had received an invite for) after confirming with my mom she had gotten a wedding invite. In hindsight it looked like I cornered her and I kick myself every time I think of it



ETA: this was an old/long term friend from high school, so I can only imagine it being more awkward for a casual coworker relationship.

CamiSelene

Chances are that you are not invited to the wedding and nobody told her that is rude to invite someone to the bachelorette and shower if they are not invited to the wedding. I was in the same situation a few years back as well. Invited to shower and bachelorette but not the wedding. It didn't bother me at the time but now that I know better, I just view it as rude and gift grabby. If I were in that position again, I would say thanks for the invite and politely ask if I was supposed to get a wedding invite too. I wouldn't care about making her feel awkward because the only way she would feel the need to feel awkward is if she wasn't planning on inviting you to the wedding which was her own faux pas in which case, that awkward situation is what she gets! Either that or I would just avoid all confrontation and just politely decline the parties. Really, it would depend on my mood. Today I feel a little snarky so I would do the former.

KGold80

Well, I just found out that a wedding invite I sent was not received, so that is always a possibility. I'm not sure of the best way to handle this in your situation though. Awkward!!

KittyKaty20

I would just ask her outright, but politely:

"Hi, Coworker! I received the shower and bachelorette invites, but I haven't received a wedding invitation." Then pause and see what she says.

Her response will tell you whether there was a mailing error, or an etiquette error. You can decline in the case of the latter.

Since other coworkers received their invites to the wedding, and it's a mere 3 weeks out, you really don't have any time to "wait it out".

fleur1870

I have been in a situation where I never received a wedding invitation that I was actually invited to. Not sure what happened, but the groom (my friend) eventually called to check in with me because they had not gotten my RSVP. Maybe that will happen with you situation?

I do agree that it's late considering May 31 is quickly approaching.

HisGirlFriday13

Ditto Kitty. I'd say, 'Oh, I got the bachelorette party and bridal shower Invites but I didn't get a wedding invite.' and then we what she says.

Either way, May 31 is less than three weeks away -- her RSVP deadline must be soon if it hasn't already passed. And when it's she planning on having the shower and bachelorette parties?

SapphireCounselor

kayjayem said:

One of my coworkers is getting married on May 31st.

I assumed that I wasn't invited to the wedding (which is totally fine!) when I heard about other coworkers receiving their invitations and I hadn't received one. She asked me for my address a couple weeks ago, but since I haven't gotten anything, I just thought it was for some other reason. In the mail today though, I got an invitation to her bachelorette party and bridal shower.

Should I ask her about it? Or just continue waiting it out to see if she asks me about a lack of RSVP? I would never want to make her feel awkward or put her in a stressful position. What would you guys suggest?

Because you received the other two invites I would ask in this situation. You never know...invites do literally get lost in the mail sometimes.

downtondiva

Like PPs said, mention that you got the other invitations but not the one to the wedding and see what she says. If nothing else, you need to know whether you should be attending the bridal shower and bachelorette party. 

And if it turns out you were not invited to the actual wedding, don't worry about making her feel awkward, because if that's the case, she's been very rude to you and she should be embarrassed about it. 

AddieCake

Another vote to go ahead and ask since you got the other invitations. I know it's possible, but I just can't fathom someone inviting someone to both the shower and the bachelorette parties and not inviting her to the wedding. 

kayjayem

HisGirlFriday13 said:

And when it's she planning on having the shower and bachelorette parties?

The bachelorette party is next weekend on the 17th and the shower is on the 30th.

Thanks for your input everyone! I'm planning on just asking her at work tomorrow. Awkward.

HisGirlFriday13

kayjayem said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

And when it's she planning on having the shower and bachelorette parties?

The bachelorette party is next weekend on the 17th and the shower is on the 30th.

Thanks for your input everyone! I'm planning on just asking her at work tomorrow. Awkward.


She's having her shower the day before her wedding?!? What the heck??