Wedding Etiquette Forum

Gifts sent to house before shower?

I tried looking through the threads about what to do in this situation, but I couldn't find anything definitive...

What should I do with shower gifts that have been sent to my parents' house?  The shower isn't for another 2 months, and the gifts aren't wrapped for a shower. Should I wait to open them?  Should I open the shipping box at the shower instead?  Should I open them and write a thank-you now, even though it's very early? Should I open them at home, but still verbally acknowledge the person who sent them to me during the shower?

What is correct / proper?
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Re: Gifts sent to house before shower?

  • AprilH81AprilH81 Columbus, OH member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Open them now and check for damage and then write the thank you note and mail it immediately.  You should not use the item until after the wedding (unless it is a food item that would spoil).
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If it were me I would ask the person who sent the gift what they would like you to do.  That way they at least know you received their gift (which is important).

    I mean, are these people attending your shower?  Have shower invites even gone out yet (seems early to me)?

    These may be shower gifts or they may just be early wedding gifts.  I think you need to figure out who these are from and if they are attending your shower or not.  If they are attending then call them up and let them know that the gift was received and how they would like you to proceed.  If they aren't attending then open the gift and send a thank you immediately.

  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Unless the card specifically states it is shower gift it might be a wedding present. Do not thank the giver for a shower gift if it doesn't specifically say it is not, or you could look like you are fishing for another gift if it is a wedding present.

    Many people send wedding gifts right away.

    If I wanted a gift to be opened at the shower I would ship it to the host, not the bride. You should follow @AprilH81 's advice in this case.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Unless the card specifically states it is shower gift it might be a wedding present. Do not thank the giver for a shower gift if it doesn't specifically say it is not, or you could look like you are fishing for another gift if it is a wedding present.

    Many people send wedding gifts right away.

    If I wanted a gift to be opened at the shower I would ship it to the host, not the bride. You should follow @AprilH81 's advice in this case.
    But not everyone thinks that way, especially if the registry where the gift was bought is set up to have gifts shipped directly to the brides house.

    And in the instance of the OP the gifts were shipped to her parents house.  Honestly I can see where this is confusing, especially if shower invites have been sent.

  • If it's two months before the shower, have the invites even gone out yet? I would open it.

    My shower has my parents as the ship to address before the wedding. I have no idea if they've gotten anything or not, I'm assuming my mom is holding on to them before the shower this weekend.
    Anniversary
  • You're all right, it's super early - mom & BMs haven't picked a location yet, and invites definitely haven't been sent out.  
    These gifts are from my one over-zealous BM; she knows I received them because she texted me every day since she ordered them, asking if they had come yet.  When they came, I texted her that they arrived, since she had been asking.  I'll ask her if she'd like me to open them at the shower (which is odd - last I knew, she was planning on attending).

    Thanks, everyone!  I appreciate it.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    You're all right, it's super early - mom & BMs haven't picked a location yet, and invites definitely haven't been sent out.  
    These gifts are from my one over-zealous BM; she knows I received them because she texted me every day since she ordered them, asking if they had come yet.  When they came, I texted her that they arrived, since she had been asking.  I'll ask her if she'd like me to open them at the shower (which is odd - last I knew, she was planning on attending).

    Thanks, everyone!  I appreciate it.
    Okay the extra information helped.  Yeah I would just wait until the shower.  She just sounds really eager.

  • AprilH81 said:
    Open them now and check for damage and then write the thank you note and mail it immediately.  You should not use the item until after the wedding (unless it is a food item that would spoil).

    I agree with this. It's nice to do so that the sender knows you received the gift.
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Unless the card specifically states it is shower gift it might be a wedding present. Do not thank the giver for a shower gift if it doesn't specifically say it is not, or you could look like you are fishing for another gift if it is a wedding present.

    Many people send wedding gifts right away.

    If I wanted a gift to be opened at the shower I would ship it to the host, not the bride. You should follow @AprilH81 's advice in this case.
    But not everyone thinks that way, especially if the registry where the gift was bought is set up to have gifts shipped directly to the brides house.

    And in the instance of the OP the gifts were shipped to her parents house.  Honestly I can see where this is confusing, especially if shower invites have been sent.
    Yes, but the invitation would have the host's contact info. I have seen this happen multiple times at showers. 
    I would not expect a bride to schlep a gift back and forth just so people could "oh and ah" over it. If I mailed it to her none, I would expect her to open it in private and not cause extra work for her IMHO :)
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    [Deleted User]
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Unless the card specifically states it is shower gift it might be a wedding present. Do not thank the giver for a shower gift if it doesn't specifically say it is not, or you could look like you are fishing for another gift if it is a wedding present.

    Many people send wedding gifts right away.

    If I wanted a gift to be opened at the shower I would ship it to the host, not the bride. You should follow @AprilH81 's advice in this case.
    But not everyone thinks that way, especially if the registry where the gift was bought is set up to have gifts shipped directly to the brides house.

    And in the instance of the OP the gifts were shipped to her parents house.  Honestly I can see where this is confusing, especially if shower invites have been sent.
    Yes, but the invitation would have the host's contact info. I have seen this happen multiple times at showers. 
    I would not expect a bride to schlep a gift back and forth just so people could "oh and ah" over it. If I mailed it to her none, I would expect her to open it in private and not cause extra work for her IMHO :)
    Yes, but again people don't always think that way.  They call the host to RSVP, they then go to the registry and think, oh I will just ship it rather then having to drag it there myself.  And if the registry is set up to ship directly to the couple then the gift gets shipped to them, not the host of the shower because the guests really don't pay that much attention to who it is shipped to.

    Sorry to say but we have to remember that a lot of people don't really give much thought to these things and don't think that having the bride bring the gift with her to the shower is really that much of an inconvenience.  Common sense is quickly disappearing, unfortunately.

  • Open them, write thank-you notes after the shower. Verbally thank guests at the shower.
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  • I ship gifts to the invisible Ship To registry address whether I'm going to attend a shower or not.  I don't want the bride/groom/new parent to have to schlep gifts back and forth just so they can open it in front of me.  Open the gift, send a Thank You note, and if they come to the shower, thank them publicly then.  "Aunt Mabel shipped wine glasses to my house last week.  They're lovely and I can't wait to use them after the wedding.  Thank you, Aunt Mabel."
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