Moms and Maids

My Mother isn't coming to my wedding

My mother hasn't spoken to me or my fiancé since December. I had asked him to step in on an argument that we were having. (Her being selfish, thinking everything revolves around her.) I really think she has blown everything out of proportion. She always needs to have someone to "hate" on. Right now that's my fiancé and I. I recently came to find out that she will not be attending my wedding, which I can't say doesn't come to me as a surprise. This hurts more than you can imagine. I can't picture her not being a part of any of the photos or memories on the most important day of her eldest daughters life. I've tried contacting her but she hits the FU button or just doesn't return my texts. I know I'm not welcome in her home, so I haven't even tried. Thank you for listening to me vent. I just needed to get that off my chest!
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Re: My Mother isn't coming to my wedding

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited May 2014
    As a not so recent MOB, I have to say that I hate it when parents threaten to boycott their child's wedding. I'm very sorry your mom is doing this to you.

    It was wrong of you to ask your fi to intervene on an disagreement you were having with your mom. That put both of them in a very awkward situation and it's difficult to recover from that. Since you haven't shared the details, it's impossible to tell if your mom is overacting or if you are in the wrong.. What set your mom off?

    If it's important to you that your mom is at your wedding, send her a note, not a text message, to let her know. You could also take the chance and show up at her door. If that doesn't work, try talking to someone that your mom respects, maybe a sister or her best friend. If she still rejects you, then the ball is in her court. How far out is the wedding. I hope there's some time for a cooling off period.

    I hope everything works out for you.


                       
    OliveOilsMomPrettyGirlLostthemuffinman16
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I can understand that it's sad and hurtful to you that your mother has decided to boycott your wedding, but since you didn't provide the details of your disagreement with her, I don't know if she's overreacting or not.  I do agree with @MairePoppy that your FI should not have been asked to intervene between you and your mother.  

    Maybe between now and the wedding date your mother will change her mind and come, especially if the wedding is some time in the distance.  I'd let the air cool for a while before you approach her again.  An apology for your FI's involvement might be helpful, and depending on the issue, an apology for that, even if you feel you don't owe her one, might also soften her towards you to the point that she'll attend your wedding.  I don't know if your issue is a hill to die on or not.
  • I know we don't have details, but for a mother to boycott their child's wedding is pretty selfish. I really think it would have to be something incredibly extreme to justify the mother not coming.
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    Anniversary
  • My mother hasn't spoken to me or my fiancé since December. I had asked him to step in on an argument that we were having. (Her being selfish, thinking everything revolves around her.) I really think she has blown everything out of proportion. She always needs to have someone to "hate" on. Right now that's my fiancé and I. I recently came to find out that she will not be attending my wedding, which I can't say doesn't come to me as a surprise. This hurts more than you can imagine. I can't picture her not being a part of any of the photos or memories on the most important day of her eldest daughters life. I've tried contacting her but she hits the FU button or just doesn't return my texts. I know I'm not welcome in her home, so I haven't even tried. Thank you for listening to me vent. I just needed to get that off my chest!

    Why did you ask him to step in on an argument that didn't involve him?
    HisGirlFriday13
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Write her a letter. Go see her. Yes, she should be the bigger person, but as an adult, you do what you can do. Leave the FI at home.
  • you shouldn't have asked him to step in to an argument.

    If she won't respond to you, I would do what other posters have proposed. However, my great-grandma held a 20 year silence with us until a few years ago. So, hopefully she's not that resentful. 

    There is nothing else that you can do except make sure she know she always has an open door.  
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • That’s so bad but you shouldn’t feel bad about as your intentions were quite clear and you tried your best if she is acting tough then I think that you should enjoy your marriage time happily and have a good life.

  • Saying what somebody should not have done, after the fact, does not help.  I agree that, maybe you should show up at her door or send a message asking her to meet you at a neutral location, with specific date and time. Failing all that, you really need to get a professional to help you get through your feelings on this. Such a serious issue is not one to be taken lightly or alone.  Everybody needs some counseling every once in a while, and this might be your time.
    CC0805
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Lauderdale Pink, it may help her, going forward, to know that it's a really bad idea to ask her fi to intervene with her mom. If ashley82488 wants her mom to respect her, she should deal with her as an adult and expect to be treated as an adult. 


    Mom to mom, I have to say I would not react well to getting 'a talking to' by DD's fi. I think it made matters worse, not better.
                       
  • MairePoppy, you are absolutely correct on all points.  My thought was that re-stating the obvious, that it was a goof, was not helping.  This bride wants to find a way to get her mother to build a bridge and get over it. 
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