need opinions - FBIL's DW - 2 months after ours - we can't afford it

TeddiD34

Hi,

My FI and I are getting married this October; his brother just announced a DW in December, 2 months after our wedding. We were planning on going on our honeymoon this January. We both will have used up all of our Vacation time with our jobs, from our wedding.

We don't want to look like dicks, but how the heck can FBIL expect that we can afford this/ have time off work for this?

I appreciate any input you can give me

TeddiD34

mult post, sorry delete please @knotporscha

AprilH81

Just be honest with him.  Just say that you would love to be able to attend, but you are out of vacation time at work and after paying for your own wedding and honeymoon you don't have the money to travel.  FBIL should have check with the VIPs (which I would assume your FI would be as his brother) before making plans for a destination wedding.

How much vacation time would you need to use to attend?  How far is the travel?

HisGirlFriday13

You're not being dicks if you can't afford it. Your FBIL needs to realise actions have consequences. Planning a DW that close to another family wedding means people might not be able to attend.

ETF typo

Maggie0829

Your FI should let his brother know that you will unfortunately not be able to make his wedding because neither of you have any leave left from work.  Unfortunately this is what happens when you plan a DW.  Some people, even close family, cannot always make it and your FBIL will have to accept that.

If it were me I would probably take FBIL and his FI out for a nice dinner to celebrate their upcoming wedding or wait until they get back from their DW and take them out to dinner then.

TeddiD34

FBIL hasn't decided yet, so it could be Mexico or Costa Rica, or DR. That bit doesn't help much either.

I totally agree, FBIL should have checked with VIPs. But, that's how it goes...

Jen4948

You're not being "dicks" by declining if you can't afford to go or can't get time off from work.  That's just how life is, and your FBIL and his FI will have to accept that their decision to have a DW so soon after your wedding means that you won't be able to attend.

CrazyCatLady3

TeddiD34 said:

FBIL hasn't decided yet, so it could be Mexico or Costa Rica, or DR. That bit doesn't help much either.

I totally agree, FBIL should have checked with VIPs. But, that's how it goes...

If they haven't decided yet, they might consider pushing the date back so more family could attend.  Not that they should change their plans just for you, but others might have the same problem and it would be good for them to know in advance.