Jack and Jill sheistyness.

beethery

Has anyone been to a normal Jack and Jill shower/party? We went to an engagement party held at a bar last year, and I've been to bridal showers, baby showers, etc. But never a Jack and Jill shower. 

FI just got a text invite from another couple's BM, with the invitation forwarded from the Bride (B&G are hosting it themselves). Pot luck, BYOB, and a $20/person ticket charge. Suffice to say, we aren't going.

--

Anyway, has anyone been to a Jack and Jill shower and had a good ol' time?

banana468

We had a Jack and Jill shower but it was fully hosted by my aunt. It was basically a big picnic for family and friends and at the end, we opened gifts. I loved it but I sure hell wouldn't go to the one you're describing.

manateehugger

I'd only heard of a Jack and Jill shower as a shower for both halves of the couple until I came on TK and learned that for some, it's a wedding fundraiser. 

I would never attend one, and I'm horrified they exist. 

grumbledore

Ew.  No.

beethery

Your Jack and Jill sounds like it was fun, I'm into that kind of party.

FI and I don't even like this couple at all, and we aren't invited (wouldn't go anyway!!!!) to their wedding. Heard further that there will be no entertainment other than a boombox, and socialization with those two dinks and then watching them open presents. No thanks!

FI asked how we should decline, and I told him we ought to say we'd rather be set on fire and put out with piss than go to that party, even if it was free to attend. He ended up paraphrasing.

IMathlete

We had a couple's shower. It was lots of fun, fully hosted. I would never go to a shower for which I had to pay my entrance.

Inkdancer

Oh my god... it's potluck and you still have to pay to get in?????

JCbride2015

Inkdancer said:

Oh my god... it's potluck and you still have to pay to get in?????

Well how else will they turn a profit?

*Gag*

climbingsingle

Ick! 

I've been to a Jack & Jill shower that was fully hosted by their bridal party. Dinner and open bar. And no fee to get in. 

buddysmom80

The last wedding I was in, the other BM and a friend of the bride hosted a Jack & Jill. They originally wanted to sell tickets and I told them I wasn't going to do it. They told me it's a cultural thing and obviously "blancas" aka white people don't do this. Finally they changed their mind (thankfully). It was an okay shower, there weren't enough chairs and FI had to man the grill since there weren't enough people helping out to handle the grill.

But the food though, omg the food......SO GOOD. Like, better than the wedding. The bride's mom is an awesome cook. She not only cooked, but got trays from the Italian restaurant and grilled food.

VulgarGirl

I always thought Jack and Jill just meant dudes and chicks invited. Apparently I was wrong.

Seriously, lets just cut all the crap and start sending deposit slips to our friends and family. Then no one will have to put on pants to come and pretend like they'd want to socialize with you.

alpacalunch

I'm used to "Jack and Jill" being used interchangeably with "Stag and Doe" and all the other tacky wedding fundraiser things. I have been to one, as part of the BP, and we sold tickets, 'twoonie drinks' and the best man threatened to strip down to his undies unless paid off. However, the hosts (bride and groom) are awful with numbers, and lost money. A shower where all members of the wedding party are invited? Sounds great!

ashleyep

They seem to be big in Central and Western MA so I know a few people that have had the Jack and Jill Fundraisers. I will never, ever attend one. 

beethery

Inkdancer said:

Oh my god... it's potluck and you still have to pay to get in?????

Yup. They got this idea from another couple in their social group who did something similar, and that couple wasn't even paying for the wedding. The ticket money went towards their honeymoon. HOW NICE.

We didn't go to that one either. 

gladyscf

Since you were invited by text, your FI could have simply replied...

Aray82

Yes, some people do. My sister and her FI go to them all the time; apparently they're a regular thing in my hometown which I didn't even realize until I moved. They enjoy them because they're "so much fun!!" and "how can it be rude when it's fun??" They even get invited to ones for which they are not even invited to the actual wedding. (When I asked if she was ever bothered by being good enough to buy a ticket but not good enough to get a wedding invite, she was perplexed, again emphasize how much fun they were, and told me to "lighten up.") 

beethery

He should have, but I think he decided to be nice and just say that we're busy.

Bubblegum5586

ashleyep said:

They seem to be big in Central and Western MA so I know a few people that have had the Jack and Jill Fundraisers. I will never, ever attend one. 

To me it seems more of a Western MA thing. I have been invited to sooo many the last few years because these people invite every acquaintance on FB. I know I am not invited to your wedding so I am not paying $20 to come to your party. I know there are sweet raffle prizes I can win.... but hey that's another cost to just enter! A really close friend of mine has been good friends with a few B&Gs so she goes and invites me to go saying it will be fun. She doesn't see them as rude at all just a fun night (but hey she does have an invite to the wedding so maybe it doesn't bother her as much). She did tell me one of the ones she went to ran out of food very early in the night (but you were still expected to pay to get in) but she had a blast.... the part I can't handle: The bride and groom made $10K for their wedding that night!!!!

SapphireCounselor

beethery said:

Has anyone been to a normal Jack and Jill shower/party? We went to an engagement party held at a bar last year, and I've been to bridal showers, baby showers, etc. But never a Jack and Jill shower. 

FI just got a text invite from another couple's BM, with the invitation forwarded from the Bride (B&G are hosting it themselves). Pot luck, BYOB, and a $20/person ticket charge. Suffice to say, we aren't going.

--

Anyway, has anyone been to a Jack and Jill shower and had a good ol' time?

My mom held a joint wedding shower for my DH and I when we were getting married (not sure if this is technically jack and jill or not). She offered to do it, and fully hosted it at her house. This was in leiu of a bridal shower because most of my best friends are guys. I hope everyone had a good time.

ETA - Apparently co-ed shower is a better way to describe what was hosted for us.

beethery

I live in NH, they seem to be catching on up here.

HisGirlFriday13

Where I grew up, 'jack and jill' just meant 'co-ed.' I didn't know about the other kind til I came on TK, and now I wish I didn't know that.

Inkdancer

beethery said:

Inkdancer said:

Oh my god... it's potluck and you still have to pay to get in?????

Yup. They got this idea from another couple in their social group who did something similar, and that couple wasn't even paying for the wedding. The ticket money went towards their honeymoon. HOW NICE.

We didn't go to that one either. 

WHAT THE WHAT EVEN.

I am going to slide under my desk, eat chocolate, and pretend I never heard of something so terrible.

AlexisA01

beethery said:

Has anyone been to a normal Jack and Jill shower/party? We went to an engagement party held at a bar last year, and I've been to bridal showers, baby showers, etc. But never a Jack and Jill shower. 

FI just got a text invite from another couple's BM, with the invitation forwarded from the Bride (B&G are hosting it themselves). Pot luck, BYOB, and a $20/person ticket charge. Suffice to say, we aren't going.

--

Anyway, has anyone been to a Jack and Jill shower and had a good ol' time?

Nope. Just sit back and do exactly what Nene is doing. 

lightningsnow

bubblegum1309 said:

ashleyep said:

They seem to be big in Central and Western MA so I know a few people that have had the Jack and Jill Fundraisers. I will never, ever attend one. 

To me it seems more of a Western MA thing. I have been invited to sooo many the last few years because these people invite every acquaintance on FB. I know I am not invited to your wedding so I am not paying $20 to come to your party. I know there are sweet raffle prizes I can win.... but hey that's another cost to just enter! A really close friend of mine has been good friends with a few B&Gs so she goes and invites me to go saying it will be fun. She doesn't see them as rude at all just a fun night (but hey she does have an invite to the wedding so maybe it doesn't bother her as much). She did tell me one of the ones she went to ran out of food very early in the night (but you were still expected to pay to get in) but she had a blast.... the part I can't handle: The bride and groom made $10K for their wedding that night!!!!

I grew up in North Eastern MA my entire life and they are also popular is that area. They're common place especially in my family and BF's family. That being said, I will fight tooth and nail about this issue when we get married. I know there's still that possibility of someone throwing one for us.

loveislouder

This sounds almost like a Wedding Social, held in Manitoba, Canada. Basically it's a big party held at a hall, you pay about 10 bucks to get in, there's a silent auction, drinks are always cheaper than a bar, there's a DJ and its a fundraiser for the wedding.   Right? Or did I misread?

beethery

loveislouder said:

This sounds almost like a Wedding Social, held in Manitoba, Canada. Basically it's a big party held at a hall, you pay about 10 bucks to get in, there's a silent auction, drinks are always cheaper than a bar, there's a DJ and its a fundraiser for the wedding.   Right? Or did I misread?

I think that's what Jack and Jill's with cover charges are supposed to be like. The thing (I'm calling it a thing, because it sure doesn't sound like a party to me) we got invited to has none of these trappings. Bring-your-own food and booze, and still pay to get in. Then do nothing but talk shit and watch the douchebag couple open presents.

Maybe these couples just don't like fun.

loveislouder

Sorry Beethery, I didn't mean I agree with it. With socials, the jist is you're basically giving the couples free money in support of their weddings.  I think it's sketchy to hold a fundraiser under the guise of a shower.  I would have said no too.

beethery

Yeah, I'm not into the free money fundraising stuff at all. 

As far as a wedding social like what you described, I guess if the WP hosted it and asked for a cover charge, that's on them. Idk how I'd feel about it, but if I really liked the B&G I'd go and pay the cover charge. Or if they got a really awesome band or something, but that's starting to fall under the lines of "host what you can pay for, don't overdo it and make guests pay for the cost".

I don't know how else to describe this potluck byob stuff besides 'self-non-hosted'. The self-non-hosted Jack and Jill thing has gottttttt to go. Also, nothing says money-grubby than inviting people you don't interact with and expecting them to pay cover and bring a gift.

I'm not going to any kind of party that I have to pay a cover charge for unless it's a real charity thing with good food and entertainment. 

lizzypoo96

I've never heard of a fundraiser Jack and Jill, but I have been to a combo bachelor/bachelorette party (kind of lame)

In Buffalo, I guess the idea of a "stag" party is common where you sell tickets for like a cover- but that money goes to pay for food and drinks and usually a hall rental- not to go right back to the B&G. That's kind of horrifying. As if an actual shower/ wedding gift isn't enough of a gift.

VulgarGirl

Ok so two things I just learned, first, the search feature is working just fine and dandy (at least something works). Second, I had never heard of a Jack and Jill as a fundraiser! I've always heard them as being co-ed showers. Just like normal ones, but with dudes invited too and the groom included. I'd also heard of Jack and Jill baby showers, again normal baby showers with dudes and dad in on the fun.

What the fuck is wrong with people that they're holding fundraisers for a fucking wedding?!?! Get an extra job. Cut out luxury expenses. Save. Hold a smaller wedding. Don't fucking host a fundraiser. You do not need a big ass wedding. And you sure as shit don't need other people to pay for it! 

beethery

MagicInk said:

Ok so two things I just learned, first, the search feature is working just fine and dandy (at least something works). Second, I had never heard of a Jack and Jill as a fundraiser! I've always heard them as being co-ed showers. Just like normal ones, but with dudes invited too and the groom included. I'd also heard of Jack and Jill baby showers, again normal baby showers with dudes and dad in on the fun.

What the fuck is wrong with people that they're holding fundraisers for a fucking wedding?!?! Get an extra job. Cut out luxury expenses. Save. Hold a smaller wedding. Don't fucking host a fundraiser. You do not need a big ass wedding. And you sure as shit don't need other people to pay for it! 

Give us the gospel Magic!