Bachelorette Weekend Question

Lori&Chris

Hi Ladies,

MOH here, with a question about the bachelorette party.  The bride (my sister) would like to get away for a girls' weekend in a small town within a couple of hours' drive from where we live (major city).  We were thinking a 3-day weekend for Labor Day, and I'm looking at options to rent a house with a pool for everyone to stay.  I'd like to keep costs as low as possible and I'm trying to be sensitive to budgets.  

My initial thought was to find a place, divide the cost by the number of people coming, and ask each person to add $35 to the cost of the house rental for groceries and I would buy food for the whole group for the weekend.  In other words, the total cost includes room and board, and the only thing I would tell the guests to bring is whatever booze she wants to drink.  I am expecting 10-15 people total.  Most everyone is in the late 20s to early 30s age range and we have a pretty varied demographic of singles, marrieds, mommies, students, etc.

What do you think is a reasonable cost for a weekend like this?  Is it too much to ask for $200 per person for the 3-day weekend (+$35 for food)?  Please let me know if I'm way out of line, as I don't want to offend anyone.

Thanks!

mim29

Ex: So, I am being asked to shell out $200 for cost of groceries for the weekend, transportation for taking us into uptown, our pre-fix meal Saturday night, alcohol, decorations etc). Now I know this sounds like a lot of things but, the house is already owned by her family (there is no rental cost here). Most bridesmaids will be there for 3-4 days/nights. Because of my job I am only able to be there for 1.5 days and 1 night. I am also paying to fly out, (an almost $200 flight) and split a rental car fee. I have paid for a lot for this destination wedding because her entire family/friends are from New England. They had a huge party that (as family) we were required to attend. I also had to pay to fly to her bridal shower in NE, and now am paying more to fly/drive to Cape Cod + the 200.... I feel like we (the out of towners) have gone out of our way and spent quite a bit of money on this girl. Your question looks something similar to mine... As a bridesmaid I'm wondering if it is rude to ask the MoH if she can reduce our/my cost since we aren't going to be there as long? Had I known she was going to ask this last minute I probably wouldn't have bought my flight. I also however, am the groom's sister... 20-30 somethings aren't necessarily rolling in it. I would take a poll of the bridesmaids to see what they think of your plan overall (while giving an est. price). There may be people who can't make the whole thing r not at all, consider reducing the cost for them or different options that everyone can agree to. Make sure you get a head count so that you can more accurately assess the budget, ex: charging everyone 200 if 7/10 come.  Be prepared also for those who might not be able to make it and that could change your costs/budget. Does that help?

offensivekitten2

Here's the issue with the plan: That's a lot of money, and you will inevitably end up with people who won't go. Now you are left with two options - ask for more money, which will irritate people and possibly cause more drop-outs, OR pony it up yourself.

You can plan these elaborate long parties, but go in with your eyes wide open about it. Otherwise you set yourself up for resentment and group in-fighting.

thisismynickname2

offensivekitten2 said:

Here's the issue with the plan: That's a lot of money, and you will inevitably end up with people who won't go. Now you are left with two options - ask for more money, which will irritate people and possibly cause more drop-outs, OR pony it up yourself. You can plan these elaborate long parties, but go in with your eyes wide open about it. Otherwise you set yourself up for resentment and group in-fighting.

OP, the bride is your sister, so my advice might change if you were just a best friend. 

Don't plan anything that you can't afford 100% on your own budget for the reasons stated above. 

If 10-15 people have already verbally told you they're interested in a weekend getaway bachelorette, float the cost of $200+ and see what the reactions are.

Personally, it sounds like a lot to me, but maybe your crowd is down with that.  If you tell people $200+ and get some drop outs, you can't expect to raise the cost on everyone else. 

Also, all the costs shouldn't be evenly split, in my opinion, because it can sound like you might end up "making" money on the deal or paying less out of your own pocket (which isn't fair) because costs weren't as much as you thought.  You could split the cost of the rental and the fixed meal, but pony up the decorations and groceries yourself, seriously.  I don't even spend $35 on groceries for myself for a week. Ya know?

Also, in my circles, only the bridal party splits the bill for the bride, while the guests pay their own way.  That's a pretty common way of doing things, but consider that in your calculations. 

In the end, if your sister doesn't get her 3-day weekend, it's just the way the cookie crumbled. You live in a big city and will find plenty of things to do! 

louien2013

That's a fair price. Hell, we're going to Cabo.

kns1988

I'm not a fan of weekend getaways because while I could afford 200 bucks up front, I still have the cost of boarding my dog for 3 days ($120) and driving (gas/toll $$$). It could easily end up costing me $400, rather than $200. I guess some people would be into it, but you'd have a better turnout if you scaled it down.

vk2204

1. I would first ask if everyone is okay with Labor Day weekend in general. You said some of the guests are mothers and I know most kids go back to school after that - they might want to have one last hoorah with their kids that weekend.

2. Like PP's have said - plan only what you can afford. Even if everyone agreed to the $200 amount and two people back out last minute that is $400 that you need to make up for. If you want to ask people to contribute, do it privately and ask only what can they afford to do, don't give them a set amount.

atlastmrsg

I'd be fine with the cost, but sad about it being Labor Day weekend. It would be $200/night to stay in a nice, downtown hotel in a city. So, assuming a normal bachelorette party--split room with a friend/another bridesmaid for Fri. and Sat. night, so about $100 per night--the cost is the same as what I'd assume I'd have to pay in a city. Many people use Memorial Day and Labor Day for family reunions, mini trips, etc. Consider going on a normal weekend. That could also drop the cost for those who need it to drop--two nights instead of three. If you do this, and put yourself in charge of groceries, make sure you buy things the guests want to eat, not what you want. That would be my only gripe about the grocery thing--chipping in then there not being things I want to eat.