Registry and Gift Forum

Registry Slashed by FH/FMIL

My FH and I have been living together for 3 years, so we have what we need. I know my family will want to give gifts, so we registered at Target. I told him I wanted to add Amazon as well, since both families have a lot of Prime members and are tech-savvy. While at Target, he didn't get the point of registering for $5 items. I explained that some people will want to purchase multiple little things that go together instead of one item and that it would help meet everyone's budget. He seemed ok with that and added some smaller items. We are inviting pretty much just family (there are 4 non-family members invited and 1 is in the wedding party). Total invites is about 60, 135 people total. At the end I had about 50 items on the registry. FH talked to MIH, who insisted there shouldn't be anything under $20 on the list. I told FH I would review the lists, and did remove a couple items that didn't really go with anything else. He went in last night and removed about half of the items. I explained again why those items were there but it didn't matter (he feels we can just get that stuff whenever, but it adds up and I don't have the extra money to do that, just him). There will probably only be 15 people at the shower, and feel about half the families won't bring a physical gift to the wedding. So now, as I see it, my options are:

Don't worry about it.

Add the removed items to my own Amazon wish list and either a) don't say anything, b) let my Mom and Sister who are throwing a shower know to direct people there if needed

Let my Mom and Sister tell people we are set for 'stuff' but would appreciate donations to our home improvement fund if needed.

Also, this left our Amazon list with only 4 items on it, 3 of which were things I picked out that I thought he would like for organizing tools. I'm thinking we just nix that list? Most of the Target stuff is available both in store and online. 

Thanks for any input on this.

Re: Registry Slashed by FH/FMIL

  • With the hard times of today, someone may want to get you a gift but can only afford $5-10 dollars so it would be nice to have all $$$$ options.
  • csuavecsuave member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper

    The odds of people buying $5 stuff as a wedding gift may be low but since you are having a shower it is more likely someone would buy some of these lower cost things, possibly grouping them together.  A shower is a gift giving event and you want to give people options.  Your registry is kind of small (which is fine) but I think you should add these things back to give shower guests more options.

    The worst thing that could happen is no one buys them --- nbd.  We had several $10 items that were all grouped together as part of larger shower gifts.  The only things we had below $10 were three $3.50 items.  One was bought and grouped the other two weren't bought but at least they were there as options.

    And with Amazon if someone doesn't have Prime they might appreciate something small to help them get to the $35 free shipping total.

  • Double post. Comment on other thread, but just want to reiterate that it sounds like your real problem is that you and your FI aren't agreeing on how to tackle the registry.
  • MNVegasMNVegas member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    I would add the things back to your registry. Sometimes I will buy several small items and put in a gift basket with a gift card.
  • scribe95 said:
    I would start with having a discussion with your FI about why removed them without your knowledge. That would piss me the hell off
    Oh, he did it when I was right there. It still really irritated me that he wouldn't listen. What does he know about this stuff? I researched and asked a bunch of people for input and he and his mom are the only two weird ones lol.  
  • I'd add back the items you really want, even though I hate going around search for $5 spoons and spatulas...so I agree, in that I would not buy an item under $20, but it's totally personal preference and why people register - options.

    It is fine for your mom/sis to suggest you saving up for home improvements when asked about wedding presents, but if they are asking about shower gifts they should refer them to your registry.

    GL! :)
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • Some people like to get a lot of little things instead of one big thing. I bought friends a bunch of kitchen utensils in the low end range and a le creuset utensil holder for their counter top. I also know people that like to theme their gifts, like cake pans, spatulas, apron, palate knife, dessert cook book so it is a baking themed gift. 

    I would be more concerned that FH was making this decision with FMIL and not you. That is a big red flag. Is she going to come over and decorate your martial home too?

    Also, I would avoid having your mum and sister using the words "donation; " it sounds like a charity and a moral obligation. I donate to home renovations for injured soldiers, and I gift money to friends for home renovations for a wedding.  When asked have them say "They have small registries at X and Y but are also saving up for home improvements and renovations" and then just leave it. Guests do not need to have it spelled out that you would like people to contribute beyond that! 
  • if you want them, add them back on-- I had a lot of items under $20. Things like kitchen accessories, small towels, napkins, napkin holders, etc. were all under $20 items, but people still bought them...and anything that was not bought you can buy with a discount after your wedding, so win-win if you plan on buying them later.  They may not be the most popular item to buy but it does not hurt having them on there.  If you are having a shower you should try to have about 70-100 items if trying to keep it small.  If no shower, a 50 item registry is OK.  The one that now only has 4, I would maybe try to add some to it or just let it go and keep the one registry.  It is no big deal to have a small list, but that just seems random to me.    
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    Anniversary
  • mysticlmysticl member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    My go to gift is to buy several of those $5 to $10 kitchen items and put them in a gift bag.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Aray82Aray82 member
    500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Oh, and if your FI is still stuck on the "We can buy these things on our own," remind him of the completion discount :)
  • You should add them back, but don't do it without his knowledge. You guys need to have each other's back on these little decisions, otherwise how will you make the big decisions together? Explain all the reasons PPs gave on why it's a good idea to keep them. Your FMIL is wrong in her opinion of appropriate registry items, and FI is wrong for not siding with you in front of his mom.

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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    You should add them back, but don't do it without his knowledge. You guys need to have each other's back on these little decisions, otherwise how will you make the big decisions together? Explain all the reasons PPs gave on why it's a good idea to keep them. Your FMIL is wrong in her opinion of appropriate registry items, and FI is wrong for not siding with you in front of his mom.
    This.  I think the big issue is that your FI made a unilateral decision that affects both of you, and that's what I would focus on.  Your FMIL is wrong, but it's probably not a good idea to criticize her to your FI in handling this matter.
  • Those less expensive gifts open the doors for people who are on a budget to get you something for a shower gift. More then likely you'll get cash for wedding gift. But we had probably 30 items or more on our registery that were under $20, and they were all things we could use. $5.00 here, $10 there, it adds up.

  • My concern is that YOU AND HE settled on something, and then his Mama over-rode that. That doesn't bode well for your future.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • lequadri said:
    scribe95 said:
    I would start with having a discussion with your FI about why removed them without your knowledge. That would piss me the hell off
    Oh, he did it when I was right there. It still really irritated me that he wouldn't listen. What does he know about this stuff? I researched and asked a bunch of people for input and he and his mom are the only two weird ones lol.  


    --SIB---
    I would find that HUGELY disrespectful. But I wouldn't feel right about going behind his back and adding them back on without further discussion.
    (Honestly, I know our household needs much better than he does, so I ended up handling all registry issues and retained all the passwords to avoid any conflicts or confusion. I just asked him for ideas of what he wanted and got his input on things like dinnerware once I'd already narrowed it down to 2-3 choices.)
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