FI's dad might not be able to make it to the wedding.

climbingsingle

FI's dad is older (in his mid-70s) and has diabetes. Unfortunately he doesn't take very good care of himself. He lives in Florida with FI's brother. FI's parents are divorced (his mom lives in Florida too), but they're still friends and she takes him to all of his doctors appointments. 

So, FI's mom called me last night to say that FI's dad's legs have gotten so bad, he can no longer drive. He's having a lot of trouble walking as well. I haven't brought it up, but I think his dad is too prideful for a wheelchair. When his parents discussed the wedding, FI's dad said that he doesn't think he's going to be able to make the trip up. 

FMIL and I discussed some options, like Skyping with him during the ceremony and reception. But of course, it won't be the same and I know my FI will be sad. I don't know if anything will change in the next 4 months. 

No real point to this post, other than to just get it out. FI doesn't know any of this yet. 

pinkshorts27

oh, I'm sorry! That has to be tough. No advice, just *hugs*

cupcait927

I'm sorry you guys are going through this Like @pinkshorts27 no real advice, just hugs.

iloveotters2014

I'm so sorry That has to be so rough. Maybe you guys can have someone record the ceremony and you guys can go out to Florida a month or two after and watch it with him and spend a few days together? 

It still wont be the same but it might make you all feel a little better.

SmileDamnit

Oh, man. I'm so sorry Sending prayers for your family - I hope your FI takes the news ok. ((HUGS))

hikebikebemerry

I don't have any good advice for this situation.  I would probably suggest letting him know sooner rather than later- so that he can have more time to problem solve/ accept that his dad might not be able to make it.

How close are you to FFIL? Close enough where you could call him and ask him if he wants to tell your  FI or if he would rather have you do it?

Big hugs and lots of internet wine being sent your way!

climbingsingle

hikebikebemerry said:

I don't have any good advice for this situation.  I would probably suggest letting him know sooner rather than later- so that he can have more time to problem solve/ accept that his dad might not be able to make it.

How close are you to FFIL? Close enough where you could call him and ask him if he wants to tell your  FI or if he would rather have you do it?

Big hugs and lots of internet wine being sent your way!

I'm not really close with FFIL. But I am very close with with FMIL. 

However, knowing FI, he'd be really hurt if it didn't come directly from his father, you know?

hikebikebemerry

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I'm not really close with FFIL. But I am very close with with FMIL. 

However, knowing FI, he'd be really hurt if it didn't come directly from his father, you know?

Mmmm, totally understandable.  Could FMIL convince him to tell your FI sooner rather than later?

I'm sorry that you're in this spot.  One of the things I hate the most is knowing something affecting someone I love, but can't say or do anything about it.

pinkcow13

I'm sorry  

climbingsingle

hikebikebemerry said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I'm not really close with FFIL. But I am very close with with FMIL. 

However, knowing FI, he'd be really hurt if it didn't come directly from his father, you know?

Mmmm, totally understandable.  Could FMIL convince him to tell your FI sooner rather than later?

I'm sorry that you're in this spot.  One of the things I hate the most is knowing something affecting someone I love, but can't say or do anything about it.

I have a bad feeling that FFIL is going to wait until VERY close to the wedding to make this decision. FI called him the other night to tell him he needed to go get measured for his tuxedo. And FFIL said, "Sure, no problem." Ugh. I really don't want FI to be blindsided a month before the wedding. 

I will definitely talk to FMIL about having FFIL talk to FI. Maybe he can at least give him a head's up?

bananasplit472001

Can he possibly take a plane or train, even a taxi to the wedding?  It may be more of an expense but if he can't drive but maybe someone else can drive him?

climbingsingle

bananasplit472001 said:

Can he possibly take a plane or train, even a taxi to the wedding?  It may be more of an expense but if he can't drive but maybe someone else can drive him?

FI has said before that his father won't fly. I don't know if he has a fear of flying or what. But I don't think it's an option. 

He definitely could drive up with FI's brother (who is the best man) if I can convince him to drive. 

I personally think it comes down to FFIL being in a lot of pain because of his diabetes and not wanting to travel/stay in a hotel/be away from home. 

OliveOilsMom

Could you sort of give FI a heads up in non direct way? Just say you were chatting with FMIL and she mentioned his dad's recent mobility issues. Then the ball could be in FI's court to call his dad to find out more?

Kauris

My sympathies, we are going through something similar, it stinks when you know something has the potential to be very difficult on your FI but you can do very little about it. 

climbingsingle

OliveOilsMom said:

Could you sort of give FI a heads up in non direct way? Just say you were chatting with FMIL and she mentioned his dad's recent mobility issues. Then the ball could be in FI's court to call his dad to find out more?

I fear the fall-out from that. FMIL asked me not to say anything and I know if I told FI, he would confront his mom. 

Thank you for the kind words, everyone!! 

Also, I just got a notification that someone commented on this post!

pinkshorts27

ClimbingBrideNY said:

OliveOilsMom said:

Could you sort of give FI a heads up in non direct way? Just say you were chatting with FMIL and she mentioned his dad's recent mobility issues. Then the ball could be in FI's court to call his dad to find out more?

I fear the fall-out from that. FMIL asked me not to say anything and I know if I told FI, he would confront his mom. 

Thank you for the kind words, everyone!! 

Also, I just got a notification that someone commented on this post!

For me, family knows that anything they tell me FI will know about if I feel he needs to. This would fall under that case. I will never be put in a situation. I feel like your FI might be crushed you didn't tell him. 

Grabows14

Is he using one of those walking wheelchair things? That's what my Grandma uses and she's incredibly determined to never use a wheelchair (unless we are in Disney, then she uses the motorized cart).

 ETA: http://www.walmart.com/ip/15423365?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedSellerId=0&adid=22222222227000624219&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=c&wl3=42041129230&wl4=&wl5=pla&wl6=34447159390&veh=sem 

climbingsingle

So, I called FMIL and told her that I didn't want to keep this from FI. She called him yesterday and basically told him to be prepared that his dad might not be able to make it up. It's still very much up in the air. And FI is pretty upset about it. We'll just have to wait and see. 

HisGirlFriday13

ClimbingBrideNY said:

So, I called FMIL and told her that I didn't want to keep this from FI. She called him yesterday and basically told him to be prepared that his dad might not be able to make it up. It's still very much up in the air. And FI is pretty upset about it. We'll just have to wait and see. 

I'm so sorry. At least it's out there, and that's a great start, but it still sucks so much.