NER (maybe): Am I just being judgey?

bouncertony

RajahBMFD said:

I was dating a girl once and one day she changed her Facebook name to "GirlfriendName Bouncer" and started posting "Can't wait to be Mrs. Tony Bouncer" and wedding stuff all up.

Of course...I hadn't proposed to her. And we'd been together 3 weeks. So...crazy, clearly. I had so many friends asking if I'd proposed to her and why hadn't I told anyone, my mom called me asking if I'd gotten married and not told her because she got a friend request from this chick and message that said "It's your daughter in law". 

I broke up with her because that's a level of crazy I'm not prepared to deal with.

Hot damn. Now that I would judge. I gotta know: how did the breakup go?

It took a few tries. Then she cried and called me an asshole and told me I ruined her life. I just agreed.

theartistformerlyknownas

bouncertony said:

RajahBMFD said:

bouncertony said:

I was dating a girl once and one day she changed her Facebook name to "GirlfriendName Bouncer" and started posting "Can't wait to be Mrs. Tony Bouncer" and wedding stuff all up.

Of course...I hadn't proposed to her. And we'd been together 3 weeks. So...crazy, clearly. I had so many friends asking if I'd proposed to her and why hadn't I told anyone, my mom called me asking if I'd gotten married and not told her because she got a friend request from this chick and message that said "It's your daughter in law". 

I broke up with her because that's a level of crazy I'm not prepared to deal with.

Hot damn. Now that I would judge. I gotta know: how did the breakup go?

It took a few tries. Then she cried and called me an asshole and told me I ruined her life. I just agreed.
Damn I had my money on a fake pregnancy.

misshart00

bouncertony said:

RajahBMFD said:

bouncertony said:

I was dating a girl once and one day she changed her Facebook name to "GirlfriendName Bouncer" and started posting "Can't wait to be Mrs. Tony Bouncer" and wedding stuff all up.

Of course...I hadn't proposed to her. And we'd been together 3 weeks. So...crazy, clearly. I had so many friends asking if I'd proposed to her and why hadn't I told anyone, my mom called me asking if I'd gotten married and not told her because she got a friend request from this chick and message that said "It's your daughter in law". 

I broke up with her because that's a level of crazy I'm not prepared to deal with.

Hot damn. Now that I would judge. I gotta know: how did the breakup go?

It took a few tries. Then she cried and called me an asshole and told me I ruined her life. I just agreed.

That's a whole new level of creepy.

JennyColada

RajahBMFD said:

JennyColada said:

RajahBMFD said:

JennyColada said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

JennyColada said:

I hate when people put fake name on FB. Whether it's Suzy McSlarkles or Susan Jones...that's NOT YOUR NAME. It bugs the heck out of me when people get married and change their FB name the hour later "oh really?! You got to the city office at 7pm on a Sunday?!"

I changed my name on FB the morning after our wedding. Our licence hadn't been filed (state holiday; government closed), but in the eyes of my chuech, I was married.

I don't judge people who change their names/status right after marriage at all. They're married, even if the ink isn't dry on the licence yet.

---
I think it bugs me more because many people I know waited 6 months (one girl upwards of a year) to legally change her name.

I also know at least a dozen people with stage names on FB.

But I suppose there's no actual reason for it bothering me so much, it just does.

And again, people can go by a different name socially than they do legally. It's certainly much easier to change your name on FB than it is legally. Why do you freaking care how long it takes someone to change their name legally?

I wouldn't say that I really "care", I'm hardly stoping anyone from doing what they want and would never berate someone for doing so.

They can change their name or not for all it matters to me. It's their name. It's just not something that I like, and I make my own choices accordingly.

You obviously care or you wouldn't have vented about it, including lots of caps.

Just admit you're being judgmental for no absolute reason.

---
I don't think that I implied anywhere that I'm not being judgmental and I clearly stated that I have no valid reason for feeling the way that I do.

You're obviously welcome to disagree and share a different opinion, and I'm aware that my opinion is a minority, and I'm ok with that.

JennyColada

AddieCake said:

JennyColada said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

JennyColada said:

 Our l
I think it bugs me more because many people I know waited 6 months (one girl upwards of a year) to legally change her name.  

So? I waited a year to change mine legally. Was I supposed to not change my FB name because of that?  My husband also proposed to me by changing our FB statuses to engaged. You must judge the shit out of me, huh?

---
Like I said before, I'm not the ultimate word of right or wrong. So what you want. I'm not stating my opinion in such a manner as to say that my way is the only right choice.
And who cares if I judge you or even if you judge me? We're all our own individuals and I'm sure we've both done plenty to earn another's judgement.

I guess I just didn't see the big deal in my viewpoint. Sorry.
I don't like something. Big deal. That doesn't mean that I think people who do something that I don't like are bad or evil or wrong. I just don't care for some action.

misshart00

JennyColada said:

AddieCake said:

JennyColada said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

JennyColada said:

 Our l
I think it bugs me more because many people I know waited 6 months (one girl upwards of a year) to legally change her name.  

So? I waited a year to change mine legally. Was I supposed to not change my FB name because of that?  My husband also proposed to me by changing our FB statuses to engaged. You must judge the shit out of me, huh?

---
Like I said before, I'm not the ultimate word of right or wrong. So what you want. I'm not stating my opinion in such a manner as to say that my way is the only right choice.
And who cares if I judge you or even if you judge me? We're all our own individuals and I'm sure we've both done plenty to earn another's judgement.

I guess I just didn't see the big deal in my viewpoint. Sorry.



---------
I'm mostly just curious at what point you wouldn't judge it. After a certain period of time? After the county clerks office has opened?

JennyColada

misshart00 said:

JennyColada said:

AddieCake said:

JennyColada said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

JennyColada said:

 Our l
I think it bugs me more because many people I know waited 6 months (one girl upwards of a year) to legally change her name.  

So? I waited a year to change mine legally. Was I supposed to not change my FB name because of that?  My husband also proposed to me by changing our FB statuses to engaged. You must judge the shit out of me, huh?

---
Like I said before, I'm not the ultimate word of right or wrong. So what you want. I'm not stating my opinion in such a manner as to say that my way is the only right choice.
And who cares if I judge you or even if you judge me? We're all our own individuals and I'm sure we've both done plenty to earn another's judgement.

I guess I just didn't see the big deal in my viewpoint. Sorry.

---------
I'm mostly just curious at what point you wouldn't judge it. After a certain period of time? After the county clerks office has opened?

I don't know. I really haven't given it that much thought. It's really only something I've come across a few times (well the marriage part, I have a lot if "friends" that have fake names).

alpacalunch

bouncertony said:

I was dating a girl once and one day she changed her Facebook name to "GirlfriendName Bouncer" and started posting "Can't wait to be Mrs. Tony Bouncer" and wedding stuff all up.

Of course...I hadn't proposed to her. And we'd been together 3 weeks. So...crazy, clearly. I had so many friends asking if I'd proposed to her and why hadn't I told anyone, my mom called me asking if I'd gotten married and not told her because she got a friend request from this chick and message that said "It's your daughter in law". 

I broke up with her because that's a level of crazy I'm not prepared to deal with.

Some people are just straight cray-cray. And social media is a whole new platform to share that crazy on!

And since this sounds eerily familiar to something a friend of mine pulled, this wasn't in Ottawa, was it?

casey8784

I think it's weird. I have a friend who is getting married in July and has used her FI's last name for emails and such for the last year (since they got engaged.) Another thing I side-eyed, on their invitation, she wrote, "bride first+middle name and DR. groom first+middle name" - he's just finishing his 2rd year of med school. (Are they allowed to call themselves doctors if they're not even in residency yet? I very much could be mistaken, but she's also the type of person to include a title to make her status seem more "elevated" to others, so I wouldn't put it past her...) ETA: spelling is hard this late at night.

HisGirlFriday13

casey8784 said:

I think it's weird. I have a friend who is getting married in July and has used her FI's last name for emails and such for the last year (since they got engaged.) Another thing I side-eyed, on their invitation, she wrote, "bride first+middle name and DR. groom first+middle name" - he's just finishing his 2rd year of med school. (Are they allowed to call themselves doctors if they're not even in residency yet? I very much could be mistaken, but she's also the type of person to include a title to make her status seem more "elevated" to others, so I wouldn't put it past her...)


ETA: spelling is hard this late at night.

No. You don't get to be a doctor until you actually graduate med school. And his last name should have been on the invite.

rajahmd

casey8784 said:

I think it's weird. I have a friend who is getting married in July and has used her FI's last name for emails and such for the last year (since they got engaged.) Another thing I side-eyed, on their invitation, she wrote, "bride first+middle name and DR. groom first+middle name" - he's just finishing his 2rd year of med school. (Are they allowed to call themselves doctors if they're not even in residency yet? I very much could be mistaken, but she's also the type of person to include a title to make her status seem more "elevated" to others, so I wouldn't put it past her...)


ETA: spelling is hard this late at night.

Nope. Nope. Nope.

One of the most exciting parts of graduation is getting to call myself Dr now.

casey8784

@hisgirlfriday13 and @rajahbmfd - that's what I thought...thanks for clarifying! Now I know that I'll be in the right, etiquette-wise, when I put "Mr. and Mrs. XYZ" on their escort card and not "Dr." at my wedding in October...

wrigleyville

I changed my name on FB the day after our wedding. FB has an option that allows you to put in your maiden name for search purposes, but I didn't like the weird way it put it in parentheses, so I removed it.

I was a bit turned off by all of the texts and FB messages from people saying, "You should change your name! Why hasn't your name changed yet lol..." starting about a minute after our vows and all the way into the next morning. Um, I'm having fun at my reception and sleeping late, people. It's our wedding weekend. FB is NOT a priority.

mellowmarshmallow

RajahBMFD said:

I think it's weird. I have a friend who is getting married in July and has used her FI's last name for emails and such for the last year (since they got engaged.) Another thing I side-eyed, on their invitation, she wrote, "bride first+middle name and DR. groom first+middle name" - he's just finishing his 2rd year of med school. (Are they allowed to call themselves doctors if they're not even in residency yet? I very much could be mistaken, but she's also the type of person to include a title to make her status seem more "elevated" to others, so I wouldn't put it past her...) ETA: spelling is hard this late at night.

Nope. Nope. Nope. One of the most exciting parts of graduation is getting to call myself Dr now.

H wanted me to go back for my PhD before we got married so he could call me "Dr. Girlfriend" like on Venture Brothers.

He also called me his "kitty momma" instead of "baby momma" since we had a cat together before we got married.

RebeccaB88

My ex's side piece had her name changed to his on Facebook before I'd even ended it with him. Just struck me as too middle school. But when you're flaunting your relationship with an engaged man publicly, you're putting it out for judgement yourself. Pretty sure it was at least partially to rub it in my face that she would change her name when I wouldn't (FI and I strongly disagreed about it).

Rebl90

huskypuppy14 said:

Rebl90 said:

Ugh, I judge that hard. We had friends that got married a week after our invites went out so I addressed it Mr. John Doe and Mrs. Jane Smith. Well it came back (the day before the wedding) as "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe". I love them dearly and I know for a fact they didn't have a PPD, but I did roll my eyes a bit. Oh, and a friend getting married in 2016 just got the kate spade "MRS" necklace as a college graduation present. I really hope she can keep it in the box for the next 2 years.

There is nothing wrong with this. They will be married at your wedding, and that's how they want to be referred to on their escort card. If they waited until the day after their wedding, you wouldn't have cared. Why are you looking for things to snark at?

I am an adult and fully capable of addressing them properly after they are married. The invitation went out to them as an engaged couple and came back from an unmarried, engaged couple.  I am not "looking for things to snark at".  It's basic facts, not a grey area.

huskypuppy14

Rebl90 said:

huskypuppy14 said:

Rebl90 said:

Ugh, I judge that hard. We had friends that got married a week after our invites went out so I addressed it Mr. John Doe and Mrs. Jane Smith. Well it came back (the day before the wedding) as "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe". I love them dearly and I know for a fact they didn't have a PPD, but I did roll my eyes a bit. Oh, and a friend getting married in 2016 just got the kate spade "MRS" necklace as a college graduation present. I really hope she can keep it in the box for the next 2 years.

There is nothing wrong with this. They will be married at your wedding, and that's how they want to be referred to on their escort card. If they waited until the day after their wedding, you wouldn't have cared. Why are you looking for things to snark at?

I am an adult and fully capable of addressing them properly after they are married. The invitation went out to them as an engaged couple and came back from an unmarried, engaged couple.  I am not "looking for things to snark at".  It's basic facts, not a grey area.

Yes they were engaged for one more day when you received it.  The fact that they would be married at your wedding deems it perfectly acceptable for them to put their married name on the response card.  The response card is for you to know how to refer to them on your escort cards.  If they put Ms. Sally Jones and Mr. John Smith would you have put that on their escort cards?  Because maybe that's not what they will go by when they are married.

ETA: Would you have preferred to have them wait to mail it back once they are married?  Maybe they thought they'd be too busy and wanted to make sure you received it in a timely manor.

RebeccaB88

I was taught that you respond in accordance to your status on the day you respond. So if they aren't married the day they drop the response card in the box, then to mark it Mr and Mrs would be incorrect. If their status changes after that, then they notify the couple. (If they don't already know, like you do.)

wrigleyville

Or perhaps they thought you might receive it after their wedding date. One day is pretty close.