My soon to be sisters-in-law are a pain in my butt

po8604

Really, I just need to vent. I have been a very low key bride and haven't asked a lot from any of my bridesmaids. I have four of them, two of which are his sisters and the other two are close friends. My two close friends are planning my bachelorette party, send out RSVPs, and everything. I was talking on the home because he is out of town on work, that his sister's aren't even coming to the supper portion of the night.  One gave the excuse that she was busy and the other won't come because there will be drinking... We have both explained to the one that it is supper and she didn't have to drink. 

It isn't just this incident, there have been a lot more. But, I feel like they are shutting me out and not welcoming into the family. I have been with my other half for 4.5 years and I am not going anywhere. Neither one of them could be bothered to send in RSVP's for wedding, bridal shower, and bachelorette party, I could go on and on with other stories. 

His mother also wanted to sing at our wedding and told me this 3 weeks before the ceremony... That isn't happening. 

Anyone else have any soon to be in-law stories. 

ElcaB

I like my FILs. 

On the note of your situation, why did you ask them to be your BMs if you aren't close to them?

Inkdancer

scribe95 said:

Hmmm. Well they are in your wedding so they will be there. And sounds like they told you they aren't attending the bachelorette. It would be polite to respond to shower but they aren't required to come. Sounds to me like you invited people to be in your wedding party who you aren't close to and now you expect them to act like you are close.

This is what I was going to say, but more eloquent.

I like my FSIL as a person, but I'm very glad she didn't ask me to be a bridesmaid, and I'm glad I didn't ask her. Our lives and priorities are very different.

manateehugger

scribe95 said:

Hmmm. Well they are in your wedding so they will be there. And sounds like they told you they aren't attending the bachelorette. It would be polite to respond to shower but they aren't required to come. Sounds to me like you invited people to be in your wedding party who you aren't close to and now you expect them to act like you are close.

Yeah, no offense, but it sounds like they may just not be comfortable hanging out with you and your friends. Are you close with them? Hang out with them without your FI there? Do they know your friends?

The wedding RSVP I wouldn't get too bent out of shape about; my sisters and parents haven't RSVP'd because they know I know they'll be there. 

Gibby2015

To be perfectly honest, they don't HAVE to attend anything other than the wedding. Three of my bridesmaids are in different countries, all I have asked is that they turn up on the day. I understand that it is annoying but if they can't/won't come you can't really force them too!

HisGirlFriday13

My husband's grandmother is a trip, and I have posted a lot about her.

But I agree with PPs. You asked them to be in your WP even though you're not close. Being in the WP isn't going to change how the eyes otherwise feel about you. And that's not a reflection of you or them, it's just a personalities thing.

I don't dislike my husband's SIL, but we're never going to be BFFs, either, and that's OK. We are different people with different interests and different friends. We're polite and social at family events but otherwise we don't interact. I don't think it means she's not welcoming me to the family, I think it just means we're not friendly.

hikebikebemerry

They likely are busy, and being busy is a fair excuse to miss just about anything.

I really think that you should lower your expectations of your FSILs.  If you weren't super close before, it is likely that having them as BMs won't magically make a magical bond between you.  

It sucks, I know.  FI's sister likely won't come to our wedding, because of personal reasons (nothing against FI and I); even if she does come- it will likely not be for the ceremony.  Do both FI and I want her there to celebrate with us? Of course! Unfortunately- we cannot control other people or their actions, we have to accept people the way they are, even if their actions do not align with our personal preferences.

Don't close yourself off from your FSILs, just accept them for who they are.  Perhaps after they do not feel that you expect things from them, they will reciprocate efforts from your end.

I would like to add, even though I drink- I completely understand people who don't drink (and would likely be the only sober person) bowing out of a social occasion like a bach party that often involves heavy drinking.  I think she is trying to bow out gracefully, and is within her right.  I wouldn't take it too personally.

po8604

It wasn't my choice, I didn't want any bridesmaids or groomsmen, but my other half wanted the traditional wedding with bridesmaids and the whole works.   I also wanted a small family wedding... I also haven't asked either of them to do anything major... I know that they aren't busy because they sit at home eating ice cream and gaining weight.  They leave the house to work and nothing else. 

buttercup1958

po8604 said:

It wasn't my choice, I didn't want any bridesmaids or groomsmen, but my other half wanted the traditional wedding with bridesmaids and the whole works.   I also wanted a small family wedding... I also haven't asked either of them to do anything major... I know that they aren't busy because they sit at home eating ice cream and gaining weight.  They leave the house to work and nothing else. 

judgmental much? I'm pretty sure your future inlaws pick up on your thoughts about them. I wouldn't want to be around someone who asked me to be a bridesmaid because they had too and thought so little of me

wrigleyville

po8604 said:

It wasn't my choice, I didn't want any bridesmaids or groomsmen, but my other half wanted the traditional wedding with bridesmaids and the whole works.   I also wanted a small family wedding... I also haven't asked either of them to do anything major... I know that they aren't busy because they sit at home eating ice cream and gaining weight.  They leave the house to work and nothing else. 

Wow. Aren't you a peach?

ohannabelle

Working and eating ice cream.

What kind of God would allow this?

hellohkb

I agree with other PPs- They're not required to go to other events if they cannot make it. They may also be able to pick up on how poorly you think of them. Honestly, my perfect life consists of sitting around at home eating ice cream, so...

sarahonlife

po8604 said:

It wasn't my choice, I didn't want any bridesmaids or groomsmen, but my other half wanted the traditional wedding with bridesmaids and the whole works.   I also wanted a small family wedding... I also haven't asked either of them to do anything major... I know that they aren't busy because they sit at home eating ice cream and gaining weight.  They leave the house to work and nothing else. 

Well, at least now we know why they wouldn't want to hang out with you.  I'd pick the ice cream too!

HisGirlFriday13

Well OK then. I assume they know think poorly of them, they know you don't like them, and they know you only asked them to appease your FI.

That's probably why they're uninterested.

emmaaa

I agree with PPs. Why did you ask them to be bridesmaids if you aren't close to them? There is no requirement you have to have equal sides for the wedding. They also aren't required to come to any pre-wedding events.

MY FSIL, SIL (older brother's wife), and younger brother's GF are all in my wedding but because we genuinely get along and like each other.

It sounds like you need to lower your expectations of them and enjoy your bachelorette party with or without your FSILs in attendance. 

beethery

Starting to sound a little troll-y around here.

zitiqueen

po8604 said:

Really, I just need to vent. I have been a very low key bride and haven't asked a lot from any of my bridesmaids. I have four of them, two of which are his sisters and the other two are close friends. My two close friends are planning my bachelorette party, send out RSVPs, and everything. I was talking on the home because he is out of town on work, that his sister's aren't even coming to the supper portion of the night.  One gave the excuse that she was busy and the other won't come because there will be drinking... We have both explained to the one that it is supper and she didn't have to drink. 

It isn't just this incident, there have been a lot more. But, I feel like they are shutting me out and not welcoming into the family. I have been with my other half for 4.5 years and I am not going anywhere. Neither one of them could be bothered to send in RSVP's for wedding, bridal shower, and bachelorette party, I could go on and on with other stories. 

His mother also wanted to sing at our wedding and told me this 3 weeks before the ceremony... That isn't happening. 

Anyone else have any soon to be in-law stories. 

Because nobody else did.

How many weddings have you planned? You've been with the current dude for 4.5 years but you've been on the Knot for ten years.

sarawifenow

I love my FSILs and am really excited that they will be in the wedding party! I think you need to let this go. Stop being so judgemental and try to realize that people have lives outside of your wedding.

climbingsingle

po8604 said:

It wasn't my choice, I didn't want any bridesmaids or groomsmen, but my other half wanted the traditional wedding with bridesmaids and the whole works.   I also wanted a small family wedding... I also haven't asked either of them to do anything major... I know that they aren't busy because they sit at home eating ice cream and gaining weight.  They leave the house to work and nothing else. 

WOW. 

JCbride2015

po8604 said:

It wasn't my choice, I didn't want any bridesmaids or groomsmen, but my other half wanted the traditional wedding with bridesmaids and the whole works.   I also wanted a small family wedding... I also haven't asked either of them to do anything major... I know that they aren't busy because they sit at home eating ice cream and gaining weight.  They leave the house to work and nothing else. 

I really hope one of them comes on here and figures out this is you.  It has happened before.

adverb1129

Well hey, if I were your bridesmaid I might sit at home, eating ice cream and getting fat too.  Sounds preferable to the alternative.

AlexisA01

Wow you must be a very delightful bride.

AddieCake

You were foolish to ask people with whom you aren't close to be your bridesmaids. You have no room to whine about them when this mistake is on you. 

Lizzieyounce

po8604 said:

It wasn't my choice, I didn't want any bridesmaids or groomsmen, but my other half wanted the traditional wedding with bridesmaids and the whole works.   I also wanted a small family wedding... I also haven't asked either of them to do anything major... I know that they aren't busy because they sit at home eating ice cream and gaining weight.  They leave the house to work and nothing else. 

ElcaB

po8604 said:

It wasn't my choice, I didn't want any bridesmaids or groomsmen, but my other half wanted the traditional wedding with bridesmaids and the whole works.   I also wanted a small family wedding... I also haven't asked either of them to do anything major... I know that they aren't busy because they sit at home eating ice cream and gaining weight.  They leave the house to work and nothing else.