Mother not wanting to help

Justinarose23

Our wedding is about a year away.  My mom is refusing to help us out. She got married about 5 years ago and didnt spend more than $3,000 and her marriage didnt go out so well.My fiancee and i plan on haveing a big wedding and she says its unnessisary...so how do i get her to see that this is my day and i would like my mothers help? Or do i just suck it up and show her that i can do this even without her help?

chelseamb11

I hate to break it to you, but it is not her responsibility to help (either monetarily or otherwise). You cn ask her, but don't force her.  It is only yours and your fiances job to plan/prepare your wedding.

AurorasEnvy

I don't understand - she doesn't want to help you plan it, or help you pay for it?  Either way, she is not obligated to help you plan, and definitely not obligated to help you pay.  Sorry =\

If it is about time involvement, maybe give her some time.  She might get excited and come around once she starts seeing all the stuff you are doing for it.

libby2483

PP are right - although it is always nice when parents can help pay, and it is traditional for the bride's family to help pay, parents are not obligated to give you any money.  You shouldn't plan a wedding that you can't afford on your own.  If you are talking about her being unwilling to help you plan, perhaps you can start small.  Ask her to help you find a photographer, or a florist, or help with DIY project she might like.

Stina51286

Have you tried "hey mom what is your opinion about this...."  ? Assuming its not about her helping with money.

MelissaSavin

There will be plenty of other people in your life who will be more than willing to help and be by your side.  If you mom doesn't want to be that involved, then it's her loss.  Keep her involved, let her know what you are doing and ask her to join you (flower shopping, cake tasting, dress shopping) but don't expect that she will be there.  But maybe, one day, she'll say yes.

Plan to pay for the wedding yourself...even if others offer, have the money ready in case something happens.

Good luck.

Hen1977

Set a budget. While it's a very important day don't let the day overpower the importance of the event. Ask her to pay for your dress. Then go to the bank and get a loan.

Stina51286

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_wisconsin_mother-not-wanting-to-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:118Discussion:6c53ec39-fc0e-4601-bde6-35edafea0eb1Post:50dfc7cf-1005-4764-8d3b-20f71c9c63da">Re:Mother not wanting to help</a>:
[QUOTE]Set a budget. While it's a very important day don't let the day overpower the importance of the event. <strong>Ask her to pay for your dress. Then go to the bank and get a loan.
</strong>Posted by Hen1977[/QUOTE]

Seriously? Since when do you ask someone to pay for something when you are an adult and if you decide to get married should pay for it yourself? Also get a loan? Why would you want to go into a new life (Marrage) with a debt like that? If you cannot pay for something without a loan you shouldn't be doing it.