Wedding 911

Mother Woes

I have always had a rocky relationship with my mom, but ever since I had moved out of the house 5 years ago, our relationship had been progressively better. When I told her I was engaged, she was so happy for me and she started saying everything she planned on doing for me for the wedding, so I included her in the planning process. I've let her do some things how she wanted to as I didn't care one way or another so we both checked our calendars, made the plans and times for meetings with vendors, but come the day of the meetings, I would call her to make sure she was still planning on coming, as I planned on making it a lunch and spend time together thing. Something that she's constantly bugging me to do now. But every time I call on those days, she is impossible to get a hold of and I end up showing up to the meetings by myself and paying for everything on my own. I never had a big problem with it until it came time for dress shopping. The first time I went to look at the dresses, she made such a big deal about coming, that I rearranged with my stepmom, bridesmaids, and my grandmother to go a different day so my mom could come too. She didn't show and when asked, she said that she had thought it was the next week, not that week. I shrugged it off and told her she could come with us the next time when I narrowed down my top 3 favorite dresses. That day came and she and I had been planning it for months and she showed up so late that my Dad and stepmom were about to pay for my dress when she walked into the store and demanded that she be allowed to pay for it to make up for being late. It caused a lot of tension with my mom and Stepmom to the point that my step mom didn't really want to be around my mom on any other part of the wedding. For my first fitting for alterations, again, my mom demanded to be there and we made the appointment to work around my BM's, my mom's, my step mom's, and my work schedule. The day of, my mom comes up with a big story about how she's too sick to go, but handed me her credit card to pay for the alterations, which bounced. This past Friday, was the day that I was picking up my dress and I had told everyone in my bridal party, my step mom, and my mom the day I got the alterations. I already knew 2 of my BM's wouldn't be able to make it because they both live out of state and couldn't afford to fly out here, my step sister, my MOH, and my step mom had both caught the flu so they wouldn't be able to come and my mom told me that she couldn't come because she had an out of state interview. I had accepted my fate that I would have to pick up my dress alone, even though it didn't feel very good to be doing it alone. I later get home to find my mom posted things on Facebook and Twitter about how she's having a great time on her girl's weekend at the beach. I couldn't stop crying. I just don't know whether I should even include my mom in anything for the wedding anymore as she's been unreliable and she has lied to me. I wouldn't have cared if she told me she couldn't go because of a girl's weekend, but the fact that she rather lie to me over something so stupid to get out of something that is really big to me, I don't feel like I should trust her in any aspect of the wedding now. My step mom and bridal party don't want her to be a part of the wedding planning as they've seen how much anxiety it is causing me, my Fiance doesn't even want her at the wedding with all the things she had done since I've known him and we've been together, but I don't know if it's right to tell her she is no longer welcomed to plan the aspects of the wedding with me after her lying and being unreliable. 

Re: Mother Woes

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    I am so sorry she is acting this way. Personally, I would stop including her. Or you could continue to invite and include her, but just know in your head that she isn't going to follow through and just go about your plans with the people who ARE showing up for you. Unless you are ready to cut her out of your life, you still need to invite her to the wedding itself, but it's not necessary to include her in the planning things if she is always going to flake.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    I would never not invite her to the wedding. No matter how much she has done, or in this case, not done, she is and will always be my mom. I know my Fiance isn't all that keen with her being there, but he knows that I'm not going to cut her out of the wedding no matter how much he kicks and screams. I just afraid it will be poorly received to cut her out of the planning as we only have 2 months to go now. 
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    NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited May 2014
    I'm sorry and sending you hugs. I recommend you not include her in your appointments. You won't suffer constant, repetitive disappointment. Just as your moving out improved your relationship with her before, a distance while planning your wedding will keep the relationship on a higher level.
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