Turmoil over the guest list.....

sddiva

My girlfriends family is rather large and they have a lot of parties, where everyone is generally invited. I go to the parties and everyone is friendly enough, however, we are not completely acknowledged. There are also a few that do not voice it but do not care for same sex couples.....the issue she loves her family and on one hand wants to invite all...however she also does not want people who may not be 100% supportive.....what to do.?? We're also looking at about a 20 person difference.....

hlvonb

@sddiva

If your budget allows it, I would invite them. If they haven't voiced it already I am sure they will not voice it at your wedding. They also may choose not to attend if they don't support it. Let them decide if they want to come or not (again, if your budget would allow for you to invite them all).

rainbows0215

I also agree with the post above.

QueerFemme

I don't agree with the above posts. I didn't invite anyone to our wedding who wasn't 100% supportive. My wedding wasn't a day for them to decide if they could get over their homophobia. If they didn't acknowledge and embrace us before, they didn't get an invitation to the wedding.

sddiva

Thanks for the comments , I so on the fence

QueerFemme

@sddiva  good luck with your decision. I know it's not easy.   For me, I wasn't willing to risk looking at anyone at my wedding, and see a look of disdain or disapproval on their faces.    I wanted our day to be fabulous.  I wasn't including anyone who might screw that up.

photokitty

When it came to my sister and her wife's wedding, they opted to invite everyone. There were some relatives that they assumed, like you do, that weren't thrilled with gay marriage, but they never said anything outright. Those that the assumption was correct about, declined the invite. However some of those aunts & uncles' kids were very happy for the marriage and very pro-same sex marriage and as a result they came, but their parents did not.

The only people they did invite who had voiced their opinions, it and wasn't based on assumptions, were my SIL's dad and brother...they came despite not being happy about it. She wanted them there even though it caused her a great deal of pain.

IMHO I think if your GF wants her family there, you should let her invite them. Especially if they have not actually said anything. It can be a bit of an inner struggle for people to realize how what they think is social just can align with their faith or how they were raised. Hopefully they'll get there, hopefully EVERYONE gets there soon! GL!

rainbows0215

I am not inviting one family member because I know how they really feel about our relationships. Note to our face they are nice and really fake.

townchungwedding

We invited everyone (well not everyone, but we didn't exclude any family that we thought might not be pro gay marriage, etc.).  The theory was that if they weren't 100% supportive, they wouldn't go.  They'd have to fly to Maui and pay to stay in hotels, etc, so only those that really want to show their love for us would be going.  The invite prevented us getting any flack from others for not sending invites to some family and not others. 

[Deleted User]

It's your wedding, so you are free to invite and not invite who you want.  If your gut is telling you to not invite the individuals that aren't supportive of you, then go with what you feel.